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How to Quiet the Drama Zone #665973
02/26/11 06:52 PM
02/26/11 06:52 PM
Joined: Jan 2006
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DebbieMandel Offline OP
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DebbieMandel  Offline OP
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Recently, I had a non-dramatic, objective discussion about our inclination for creating drama at home and at the workplace. I noted the lack of boundary-awareness, the power struggle and mostly poor communication that exist in the "drama zone." Of course, these negative characteristics lead to extreme stress filled with complaints, excuses and regrets.

After considerable thought, I realized that most drama can be arrested in its tracks by the art of listening without interrupting. We speak all the time to make ourselves heard, to cry for attention. When we disagree or express a personal opinion, we love to be right.We think that in order to be right, we must make the other person wrong. Basically many of us pretend to listen as we tune out the other person while we are involved in thinking about what we are going to say next. Also, we have a habit of interrupting others during a conversation, especially during a heated one.

When you really listen to others, you might be surprised by what you learn. Often people don't have a clear idea of what their point is until they keep talking and finally hit on it. If you interrupt them, you stop them from completing their thought.

Listening levels the playing field and it shows good faith - that you are willing to learn,compromise and improve. Listening helps to reduce misunderstanding and we know what kind of drama misunderstanding triggers.

While you can't change the way another person talks, you can change the way you listen.


Debbie Mandel, Stress Mgmnt EdStress Mgmnt Site Stress Mgmnt Forum
Re: How to Quiet the Drama Zone [Re: DebbieMandel] #666073
02/27/11 04:35 AM
02/27/11 04:35 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 22,776
Lisa LowCarb Offline
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Dear Debbie -

That is fantastic advice! Sometimes a person just wants to feel heard and understood. They just want to feel like someone cares about what they are going through.


Lisa Shea, Low Carb and Video Games Editor
Low Carb Forum
Re: How to Quiet the Drama Zone [Re: Lisa LowCarb] #666104
02/27/11 06:08 AM
02/27/11 06:08 AM
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 14,392
Verde Valley, AZ
Jilly Offline
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Debbie, I totally agree, and i love how you have stated this! I want to print this out and refer to it as a reminder!

Re: How to Quiet the Drama Zone [Re: Jilly] #676798
04/10/11 07:19 AM
04/10/11 07:19 AM
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 14,392
Verde Valley, AZ
Jilly Offline
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I just re-read again what you wrote here, Debbie, to remind myself to do this better when Dan seems to be ranting. It's such good advice.

Re: How to Quiet the Drama Zone [Re: DebbieMandel] #682439
04/29/11 08:04 PM
04/29/11 08:04 PM
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 6,412
Angela J. Shirley Offline
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Wow Debbie, I needed to read this 3 years ago when I first met my sweetie smile The hardest part for me is the not interrupting - it seems that my boyfriend takes FOREVER to finish his point (lol). But you are so right, I need to be PATIENT and let him do this. Now I may be older and grayer by the time he does, but I am going to give it a try. Awesome info!!!!
Originally Posted By: DebbieMandel
Recently, I had a non-dramatic, objective discussion about our inclination for creating drama at home and at the workplace. I noted the lack of boundary-awareness, the power struggle and mostly poor communication that exist in the "drama zone." Of course, these negative characteristics lead to extreme stress filled with complaints, excuses and regrets.

After considerable thought, I realized that most drama can be arrested in its tracks by the art of listening without interrupting. We speak all the time to make ourselves heard, to cry for attention. When we disagree or express a personal opinion, we love to be right.We think that in order to be right, we must make the other person wrong. Basically many of us pretend to listen as we tune out the other person while we are involved in thinking about what we are going to say next. Also, we have a habit of interrupting others during a conversation, especially during a heated one.

When you really listen to others, you might be surprised by what you learn. Often people don't have a clear idea of what their point is until they keep talking and finally hit on it. If you interrupt them, you stop them from completing their thought.

Listening levels the playing field and it shows good faith - that you are willing to learn,compromise and improve. Listening helps to reduce misunderstanding and we know what kind of drama misunderstanding triggers.

While you can't change the way another person talks, you can change the way you listen.

Re: How to Quiet the Drama Zone [Re: Angela J. Shirley] #686645
05/15/11 03:40 AM
05/15/11 03:40 AM
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fairlady Offline
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Thanks for sharing Debbie! I am a good listener (i thought so), but how can you draw the boundary between being a good listener and someone who is being used? I have a friend that keeps calling me just to vent. At first, I listened to her and comforted her. But she keeps repeating her story over and over until I don't want to answer her calls anymore. She is so negative, and I have difficulty dealing with people who don't see any good in life. What should i do? She is my best friend and we've been through a lot together. I wanna keep our friendship but I don't know how to deal with her anymore.

Re: How to Quiet the Drama Zone [Re: DebbieMandel] #689270
05/21/11 11:10 PM
05/21/11 11:10 PM
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 1
Henderson, NV USA
frozensun11 Offline
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I agree completely and would like to add that listening completely without interrupting also implies accepting that person exactly as he or she already is, which obviously everybody wants to be accepted. In turn, that person is more likely to be open to hearing what you have to say because, like you pointed out, there's not a spirit of competition anymore as to who is right and who is wrong. Great point! Kelly

Re: How to Quiet the Drama Zone [Re: frozensun11] #691830
06/01/11 05:47 AM
06/01/11 05:47 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 22,776
Lisa LowCarb Offline
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FairLady -

You bring up an important point. There is a point where the person is a black hole that sucks your energy continually.

A friendship is where each person supports and nurtures each other. If this person is primarily an energy suck, where their presence is pulling you down, then that is not an equitable relationship.


Lisa Shea, Low Carb and Video Games Editor
Low Carb Forum
Re: How to Quiet the Drama Zone [Re: Lisa LowCarb] #692656
06/04/11 10:33 AM
06/04/11 10:33 AM
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rodav Offline
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I always notice people who seem to be wanting to talk only. When the other party says something, their answers seem so far away. It is this people who always want to talk who are very poor at remembering. It's no surprise they don't listen.

Re: How to Quiet the Drama Zone [Re: rodav] #696257
06/18/11 04:51 AM
06/18/11 04:51 AM
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narutojr Offline
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great post, I think the verb `listen` goes beyond the simple act of listening and more into the zone of `compassion` and understanding. Great perspective btw

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