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How to Quiet the Drama Zone

Posted By: DebbieMandel

How to Quiet the Drama Zone - 02/26/11 06:52 PM

Recently, I had a non-dramatic, objective discussion about our inclination for creating drama at home and at the workplace. I noted the lack of boundary-awareness, the power struggle and mostly poor communication that exist in the "drama zone." Of course, these negative characteristics lead to extreme stress filled with complaints, excuses and regrets.

After considerable thought, I realized that most drama can be arrested in its tracks by the art of listening without interrupting. We speak all the time to make ourselves heard, to cry for attention. When we disagree or express a personal opinion, we love to be right.We think that in order to be right, we must make the other person wrong. Basically many of us pretend to listen as we tune out the other person while we are involved in thinking about what we are going to say next. Also, we have a habit of interrupting others during a conversation, especially during a heated one.

When you really listen to others, you might be surprised by what you learn. Often people don't have a clear idea of what their point is until they keep talking and finally hit on it. If you interrupt them, you stop them from completing their thought.

Listening levels the playing field and it shows good faith - that you are willing to learn,compromise and improve. Listening helps to reduce misunderstanding and we know what kind of drama misunderstanding triggers.

While you can't change the way another person talks, you can change the way you listen.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: How to Quiet the Drama Zone - 02/27/11 04:35 AM

Dear Debbie -

That is fantastic advice! Sometimes a person just wants to feel heard and understood. They just want to feel like someone cares about what they are going through.
Posted By: Jilly

Re: How to Quiet the Drama Zone - 02/27/11 06:08 AM

Debbie, I totally agree, and i love how you have stated this! I want to print this out and refer to it as a reminder!
Posted By: Jilly

Re: How to Quiet the Drama Zone - 04/10/11 07:19 AM

I just re-read again what you wrote here, Debbie, to remind myself to do this better when Dan seems to be ranting. It's such good advice.
Posted By: Angela J. Shirley

Re: How to Quiet the Drama Zone - 04/29/11 08:04 PM

Wow Debbie, I needed to read this 3 years ago when I first met my sweetie smile The hardest part for me is the not interrupting - it seems that my boyfriend takes FOREVER to finish his point (lol). But you are so right, I need to be PATIENT and let him do this. Now I may be older and grayer by the time he does, but I am going to give it a try. Awesome info!!!!
Originally Posted By: DebbieMandel
Recently, I had a non-dramatic, objective discussion about our inclination for creating drama at home and at the workplace. I noted the lack of boundary-awareness, the power struggle and mostly poor communication that exist in the "drama zone." Of course, these negative characteristics lead to extreme stress filled with complaints, excuses and regrets.

After considerable thought, I realized that most drama can be arrested in its tracks by the art of listening without interrupting. We speak all the time to make ourselves heard, to cry for attention. When we disagree or express a personal opinion, we love to be right.We think that in order to be right, we must make the other person wrong. Basically many of us pretend to listen as we tune out the other person while we are involved in thinking about what we are going to say next. Also, we have a habit of interrupting others during a conversation, especially during a heated one.

When you really listen to others, you might be surprised by what you learn. Often people don't have a clear idea of what their point is until they keep talking and finally hit on it. If you interrupt them, you stop them from completing their thought.

Listening levels the playing field and it shows good faith - that you are willing to learn,compromise and improve. Listening helps to reduce misunderstanding and we know what kind of drama misunderstanding triggers.

While you can't change the way another person talks, you can change the way you listen.
Posted By: fairlady

Re: How to Quiet the Drama Zone - 05/15/11 03:40 AM

Thanks for sharing Debbie! I am a good listener (i thought so), but how can you draw the boundary between being a good listener and someone who is being used? I have a friend that keeps calling me just to vent. At first, I listened to her and comforted her. But she keeps repeating her story over and over until I don't want to answer her calls anymore. She is so negative, and I have difficulty dealing with people who don't see any good in life. What should i do? She is my best friend and we've been through a lot together. I wanna keep our friendship but I don't know how to deal with her anymore.
Posted By: frozensun11

Re: How to Quiet the Drama Zone - 05/21/11 11:10 PM

I agree completely and would like to add that listening completely without interrupting also implies accepting that person exactly as he or she already is, which obviously everybody wants to be accepted. In turn, that person is more likely to be open to hearing what you have to say because, like you pointed out, there's not a spirit of competition anymore as to who is right and who is wrong. Great point! Kelly
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: How to Quiet the Drama Zone - 06/01/11 05:47 AM

FairLady -

You bring up an important point. There is a point where the person is a black hole that sucks your energy continually.

A friendship is where each person supports and nurtures each other. If this person is primarily an energy suck, where their presence is pulling you down, then that is not an equitable relationship.
Posted By: rodav

Re: How to Quiet the Drama Zone - 06/04/11 10:33 AM

I always notice people who seem to be wanting to talk only. When the other party says something, their answers seem so far away. It is this people who always want to talk who are very poor at remembering. It's no surprise they don't listen.
Posted By: narutojr

Re: How to Quiet the Drama Zone - 06/18/11 04:51 AM

great post, I think the verb `listen` goes beyond the simple act of listening and more into the zone of `compassion` and understanding. Great perspective btw
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: How to Quiet the Drama Zone - 07/08/11 01:07 AM

Rodav -

That is very true - a friend should listen as much as they talk.
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