BellaOnline Forums Relationships Gay/Lesbian Relationships Confused and Afraid.....

I am a thirty-year old woman, currently married (for the 2nd time), and a mother of five beautiful children. My marriage has been rocky, at times, but continues on... I have been friends with a co-worker now for a few months, and we recently started doing things together. She is openly gay. I have had relationships with women, prior to getting married, and have always been okay with my friends' sexual orientation, whatever it may be... This friendship is different, however. Since I first met her, she has intrigued and interested me. We can talk for hours about anything at all... and we enjoy eachother's company. I have questioned my sexuality for a long time, and am trying to figure out if I have been ignoring my true feelings for years, in terms of my sexuality. I am afraid to tell her, because those feelings may not be mutual, and then things could be awkward.. I am also not happy in my marriage, and feel my questioned sexuality may be a part of this unhappiness. My husband knows about my sexual past, but doesn't know I have an attraction to my friend. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Can anyone give my some advice? I know it is up to me, in regards to what I should do, but these feelings are very overwhelming, and I am afraid my world is about to fall apart.

I wish I could tell you what I think you want to hear but this is what I think

You are married! I think before exploring your sexuality or otherwise you need to decide what to do with your marriage. If it's over then get a divorce, leave the poor man. Make it a clean break independent of anything else you may be thinking of doing

Two reasons

You loved him enough to marry him in the first place, you need to respect that and end the relationship formally if it's over

Second reason is if you are going to embark on a relationship with someone else, male or female, you give that relationship a better chance if it starts with a clean slate... no excess of you know what I mean

my only concern is that you're not sure why you're unhappy with your marriage. you don't want to start something only to realize that the very reason you thought was the answer to your prayers, is just another scape-goat out of an unhappy marriage. go to marriage counselling. talk with hubby and see if you can resolve whatever it is that's going on. is he the father of your 5 kids or did you marry him just so he could support you with this? you don't have to answer out loud.

please my dear you should not be afraid or being confused at all okay? is well have a nice day bye.

Hey hun. The connection you feel is simply because that is something you are lacking in your marriage. Gay/straight, man/woman, love is love no matter the gender. I was married too and almost cheated on my husband when I realized that I was lacking something emotional that pushed me into that direction. So I tried to work on the marriage, but the more honest I got with my feelings the more I realized I really was gay. The emotional intimacy I couldn't give him because I didn't want to face it myself was because deep down I've always been gay. Before jumping into anything else, it's just going to cause more hurt, and confusion. Work through the confusion. Why is it that you must find that connection outside of your marriage? Be honest with your feelings, why are you feeling the way you are feeling? What are you lacking in the marriage? Are you really gay? Have you always had sexual attraction towards women? You need to do some serious soul searching and be 100% honest with yourself. Before I became honest with myself my trigger that I was gay were my fantasies. Why women only got me off, why I never let my husband go down on me, all those little signs eventaully made sense as I started to really look at myself from an emotional and spiritual standpoint. Do your work first, find your inner truths, then you can be honest with yourself. That way you will have no guilt and you're simply then just being you. Good luck! ETA: I totally understand the confusion, I also have 2 kids. But you have to do your inner work to discover what you want. Seeking couselling helped me figure things out.

I have definitely gone through what you're experiencing! I felt so alone and confused, and reading some books helped. Living Two Lives; From Wedded Wife to Lesbian LIfe. I also created an anthology of women's essays called Dear John, I Love Jane: Women Write About Leaving Men for Women. Seal Press published it. You can read excerpts from the book at www.dearjohnilovejane.com/read.html