BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids aggravated (slightly)

Nearly all my friends have kids. When they actually do take the time to call me or acknowledge my existence (sorry, just a little bitter today), they constantly go on and on about their kids and how they don't know how to handle them and how they don't know how to get the kids to stop screaming, etc. So there have been a couple of times where I actually mentioned a solution that I thought might work. I taught junior high and high school for 16 years, and during the course of the conversation, I thought they were hinting they wanted some advice. Sometimes they have even asked me for advice about education, and if I give some advice or say something, it's met with disdain because what the heck could I possibly know?

Well, responding to them is a HUGE mistake on my part. OMG. They don't want to hear anything from me. I just wish I could find a way to tactfully tell them that if they don't want the advice of people who don't have kids, stop complaining to us. It's my nature to try to help, and I think a lot of people are like that. we just want to help someone out when they're having a rough time. Plus, it is pretty rude to just ignore their part of the conversation and start talking about something else. But I have been to dinner with friends before and have sat there listening to everyone talk about their children, and I have nothing whatever to say because they DON"T want my opinion, and they have let it be known to me. So I get left out of the conversations and just sit there feeling like an idiot. I don't do this much anymore, and I have even sent regrets for a function at the end of the month because I know this will happen.

So I'm just aggravated. They invite me to something or call me on the phone, and then they don't want to hear a thing I have to say. Even if I just say, "Well, be firm," it's met with look that says "You don't have kids, so what do you know." UGH. If you want me there or you really want to have a conversation with me, then discuss something you think I have some right to discuss. Ya know?

I'm about done keeping friends. Ya know? my pets are much nicer than people.

You need to point out to your friends with children that your opinion counts! "Hey, It takes a village." "Childhood is something we ALL have in common." "Just joining the conversation." "The children are my future too!" Personally, I agree with you 1000% Why on earth WOULDN'T you join in a conversation they have initiated? You are only being polite, as you said, and trying to empathize. The truth is parents like you've described are much more to blame for any gap between parents and the CF.

My response to anyone complaining about their kid(s):

"That's why they invented Children's Benedryl."

If they get the joke, good. If they don't and then look at me horrified, I follow up with, "Then suck up and deal."

I kind of got the impression from your post that all they want is someone to listen sympathetically and not try to apply logic! Maybe they can't moan anymore to mum friends as they are all in the same boat and (mistakenly) assume you'll have tonnes of sympathy for them doing such a hard 'job' when you are free. Frankly I find so many of my 'mum' friends rude beyond belief and incapable of realising there is a world beyond that which revolves around their little darling. Sorry, I don't have a constructive way of dealing with it but you're definitely not alone with the annoying friends!

Happy One, I agree with Capybara: it sounds like your friends just want to vent. And, being a teacher myself, we actually know a bit about kids even though we are not parents. Too bad our advice is not always welcomed. It bugs me, too, when my friends call me but spend the majority of the conversation saying things like, "Hold on...put that down! OK, I'm back...wait, hold on...stop hitting your sister!" Etc....you get the picture. I have become a big fan of email...