BellaOnline Forums Family Step Parenting I didnt think bein a step mom would be this hard

I think we all have issues with the ex partner, it's natural, whether they are difficult or not. I do my best to remind myself that giving my SD a loving, stable home will hopefully count for something when she is old enough to really understand. That is regardless of how I feel sometimes about her mother and in all honesty, the whole step parenting deal. I would rather not bring up someone elses child, I feel like the ex is in the house with us the whole time my SD is with us (we have her 50/50) but it is what it is. I did know the deal when I married him and above all it's not her fault. I guess sometimes I also need to remind myself that i am the adult and to act like one..so rest assured you are not alone. It is hard. Damn hard. Just so your best, that's all anyone can ask for.

I totally feel where you are coming from. I have been a stepparent to a now 7 year old girl for 6 years. For me it is a day by day process. My SD knows and loves her biological mother despite what a terrible person she is. She reminds me all the time I am not her real mother. There is also jealousy issues over her father being with me. There are times when I have literally envisioned myself slapping her numerously because of all the nasty comments. I have driven myself crazy over the years because no else seemed to notice or recognize her "evil side" BTW my partner and I have a four year old son together. There are also those days when my SD looks at me and wants to paint my nails, then gives me a hug, and sheepishly tells me she loves me. Those moments make all the negative memories fade...until she whines to her father about not getting her way!!

You're not doing anything wrong. The kids will act that way and you will start to feel like they hate you. They don't, they just can't see both sides of the situation. Be yourself, don't talk about the mother negatively (they're too young for you to explain anything to them about her), be a listener and do fun things with them (it will get back to their mom, which is normal). Step-parenting isn't going to be easy but your husband has to help out too. Maybe he can suggest "Give [your name] a hug and kiss goodbye" and if they don't, don't take it personally. Their mom is #1 in their eyes, in time they'll start coming to you when she's not there for them. It's new to you as it is to them. You'll adjust faster than they do. You'll be alright. Just keep doing what you're doing. Best of luck!

JustAnotherStepMom, I really feel for your situation because I lived it too for years. I can tell you tho, that now that my stepdaughters are grown, we are friends and they see how much I did for them when they were young. As young mothers themselves now, they see things much differently and I am getting a lot back now in return for all the years I devoted to them.

If you can live through it, things get better when they're grown up.