BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids I'm NOT Effing jealous that you had a baby...

Yikes Swearbear, that sounds like a tough one indeed. Sorry if I sounded too presumptuous in my above post... I shouldn't have been posting so late at night. It's hard when you continually reach out to people and show support, but they refuse to see it.

This happened to me once with a family member, but after years, she finally came around, and now we're great friends. However, it took quite a while, and there were still some issues until I finally stood up to this person and said that though I will always love her and not fully shut her out, I would no longer be giving my time and support to someone unappreciative who just expects it and doesn't show love and support in return. This person is actually loving and kind, she just needed someone to give her a wake up call, as she herself wasn't seeing things through reasonable eyes - her view was a bit warped, and I believe she had trust issues. Once she realized I didn't actually "owe" her anything, she began to appreciate the time and love I showed. This situation is different than yours of course, but it's just another example of family drama and how, with time, things can, sometimes, get better. Key word there is "sometimes." haha

I don't advise completely shutting out family members (except in truly abusive/dangerous situations), but I do advocate distancing yourself from those who continually drag you down or show disrespect. Perhaps you should decide how often you really want to see these people in your family and decide that it's okay to say "no" to get togethers, as your mom did. It might ruffle feathers, as shown by your uncle, but if they can't show respect, then they don't deserve your company. It's your life, and just because they're family, it doesn't give them the right to treat you poorly. Life is short, and we all deserve to be around people who support us and build us up. I'm really glad you found such a supportive husband - a blessing indeed and a true treasure. It's sad that we can't choose our family, huh?

[quote=DifferentKindofGirl] I don't advise completely shutting out family members (except in truly abusive/dangerous situations), but I do advocate distancing yourself from those who continually drag you down or show disrespect. Perhaps you should decide how often you really want to see these people in your family and decide that it's okay to say "no" to get togethers, as your mom did. It might ruffle feathers, as shown by your uncle, but if they can't show respect, then they don't deserve your company. It's your life, and just because they're family, it doesn't give them the right to treat you poorly. Life is short, and we all deserve to be around people who support us and build us up. I'm really glad you found such a supportive husband - a blessing indeed and a true treasure. It's sad that we can't choose our family, huh? [/quote] I couldn't agree more,I decided a while ago that if I could avoid any potentially uncomfortable family occassions then I would and I have been much happier since myself and DH took this stance. Any backlash I now just shrug off as anyone who really cares about me won't treat me that way, and as they are generally the ones I care about too, they aren't the ones I need to avoid. Being that bit older now I don't try to please everyone as I have come to realise the people who seem to take delight in upsetting you really don't deserve any of my precious time. I've got much more enjoyable options to consider (all the more options being CF!!)

Jewelsrus,
Absolutely! I do think growing older does make us less prone to such people pleasing (although I still do too much of that myself, haha. However, with the things I feel strongly about - I hold to what I believe). I take the way I feel into play too. I have a couple family members, who I love very much, that aren't always the kindest to be around (though it's done indirectly, and only about 10-20% of the time). They are easier to handle when I'm feeling well than when I'm say, really tired or drained. If I'm already stressed or tired, I sometimes won't "risk" the extra stress of being around them. haha

It sounds like she is not only jealous of you, but she chose to have a child for all the wrong reasons. She was not getting enough attention, so she chose to have a baby - a living, breathing, brand new human being who it sounds like she is treating like the newest, coolest accessory. It sounds like she's the one who needs therapy, and as hilarious as it is, she would probably actually benefit from those Planned Parenthood mailings should she choose to actually look into it.

she is obviously jealous of your happy and blissful marriage.I bet she looks harassed right now,doting to her baby.she probably feels very stressed,which drove her practically insane,and in need of vacation but she can't because she has a baby.if I were you,I will confront her first,I'll tell her that,"I know you're trying to [censored] me off and make me feel jealous,but I'm not.I have a wonderful life and husband,we traveled to [insert place] and we will be traveling to [name of place]".