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Re: How the other side really feels... [Re: happy one] #597709 04/29/10 11:30 PM
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Ellavemia Offline
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Sounds like she just posted a rant and you reacted to it because of a bad mood. I find those rants to be absolutely nauseating as well, but it's best to leave it alone. Since you didn't though and you both said nasty things to each other, it's a good point to decide on where you want it to go. A good friendship could probably survive it but you'd have to call her and speak her about it and not do it over Facebook. Otherwise maybe it's best to let her go. There's a reason why people lost touch before the age of social networking. Life went on. we are all different people from high school and sometimes reconnecting is painful. My two best friends have changed so much they're like strangers and that hurts a bit. I might have rather not talked to them anymore if I had known this but through the magic of the internet we reconnected although things will never be as they were. Honestly I think she said more hurtful things to you than you said to her and I would sever it right now. Keep the memories and remember the person she was. If someone told me I could never handle something and that I can barely care for myself then that person is an unhealthy influence in my life. Especially since she was wild and now paints herself to be Mother Mary full of grace...hehe, well that might drive me over the edge too. I do hope it works out for you. I'm not your old buddy and I don't even know you at all but I do feel for you and see your point of view completely.

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Re: How the other side really feels... [Re: gullivera] #597722 04/30/10 02:59 AM
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Dorichin Offline
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Originally Posted By: gullivera
Originally Posted By: Dolyn
According to her, I don't "choose" to be childfree, I'm just unable to care for children so I don't have them.


You said it so well Dolyn. I think most people think that about CF people, even though they don't say it. My family (incl husband) has never said it, but I suspect they think I decided to be CF because I can't take care of children, i.e. I'm too lazy and self-centered.


Well, I admit to not having the qualities that make (IMO) a successful parent. I can't stand noise or disorder and would totally go bonkers if I was tied down 24/7 to the responsibilities of a kid. However, there are a lot of people with those same characteristics who DO go on to have kids, to the detriment of their offspring. At least I was honest and took the best path for myself. I have no reason to cloak myself in the martyrdom these moos take on.

Quote:
Ellavemia: There's a reason why people lost touch before the age of social networking. Life went on. we are all different people from high school and sometimes reconnecting is painful. My two best friends have changed so much they're like strangers and that hurts a bit. I might have rather not talked to them anymore if I had known this but through the magic of the internet we reconnected although things will never be as they were.


Awesome. That sort of caution needs to be posted to the Facebook FAQ.

I sort of wonder sometimes about a best friend from high school. We were soooo tight; I've yet to have experienced such a friendship again, even with my mate. It was a warm, confiding, more-than-sisterly relationship. We supported one another through family issues, boyfriend catastrophes and change-of-life confusions. We were separated when she had to move away with her parents, yet kept in touch for several years after, all through college. Then she made a disastrous marriage, had a kid, and like a lot of women caught up in those pressures we lost touch.

I've thought about trying to track her down; she is still in the same area of the country; but it worries me to think of what I'd find. I heard through the grapevine that she married again and had another child; she's even a grandmother, now. I don't think we'd be able to meet on the same plane, as 50-year-old women, and have thought that it should be best left as fond memories.

Last edited by Dorichin; 04/30/10 03:01 AM.
Re: How the other side really feels... [Re: Dorichin] #597774 04/30/10 04:28 PM
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Periwinkle Offline
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It's interesting to see that this is how the other side really does feel. She rattles off her many jobs in her rant, but most are what everyone else already has to do (cook, clean, laundry, motivational counselor to friends / family, etc.), the others she willingly signed up for. But it's not that we saw what parenting duties would entail and chose not to sign up for the job, it must be that "we don't have it in us." I see.... I think many people like her who made their decisions the way they did (accidental pregnancies, etc.) say things like this in order to comfort themselves - they're "better" than you. Nevermind what I think about the lines that you can't care for yourself and your cats will eat you when you die. I see FB posts like these too often, and I've just learned to hide the posts from people who do it all the time. Sometimes it's hard and you just want to respond, so I can understand how you feel. I have a FB friend who is constantly posting "Infertility Awareness" posts, comparing it to cancer and the loss of a loved one. After the 5th time, I used the "hide" feature.

Last edited by Periwinkle; 04/30/10 06:47 PM.
Re: How the other side really feels... [Re: Periwinkle] #597780 04/30/10 04:52 PM
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Don't mean to hijack your thread, but, I have a FB encounter of my own that relates to yours... My dog was very sick yesterday, so, I posted on facebook how I got up at 5am to clean up her sick all over the carpet, then spent my day either running her outside for EMERGENCY potty breaks or literally having her laying on top of me because she gets clingy when she's sick...then I ended the night by making her rice at 10pm and I added a comment that "why is it again that EVERYBODY wants me to have kids?" My cousin replied that it was because "its unfair that the rest of us deal with that for 18 yrs and you get to go on trips" AND SHE WAS SERIOUS! She really wants me to have kids simply to ruin my life. I see a parallel in my cousin's comment and your friend's.

Re: How the other side really feels... [Re: swearbear] #597795 04/30/10 06:49 PM
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Wow, Swearbear- that really says it all. It's "not fair" they have to deal with that for 18 years? There is a big similarity between your cousin and the OP's friend. Both don't understand the fact that they made a choice.

Re: How the other side really feels... [Re: Periwinkle] #597801 04/30/10 07:34 PM
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My husband just responded to her post...he said "Well, if you'd kept your legs closed throughout college, you'd BOTH be able to travel..." I think I just fell even more in love with him...*gush*

Re: How the other side really feels... [Re: swearbear] #597821 04/30/10 09:42 PM
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It is funny, isn't it that they think we are unable to do it... I wonder if that is why I get so uncomfortable talking about my decision, maybe I take it on board? Has there been any further comments to you or has it all gone quiet Dolyn?

Re: How the other side really feels... [Re: cream pie] #597839 05/01/10 12:50 AM
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beth_m Offline
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Quote:
Wow ! if she's so busy being mommee, how does she find time to spend on facebook?
She lists all her 'jobs' and states she doesn't get paid holidays,sick days, or days off etc., etc.


Yep, I sure agree that this is a "gripe-fest" if anything. Just another attempt by this Mom to make herself feel justified in her lifestyle and dismiss non-mothers as selfish and irresponsible.

Re: How the other side really feels... [Re: Dolyn] #597856 05/01/10 03:56 AM
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sann Offline
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Thank you Dolyn!!!! I love that you have the guts to address it as you did with your FB friend. Thanks for being there for me too. It was the right thing for me and I am so glad I got to talk with you. Hope all is well.

Re: How the other side really feels... [Re: sann] #597858 05/01/10 04:07 AM
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Dolyn Offline OP
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Well, we "sort of" patched things up. I apologized for Facebooking on a bad day, she apologized for spouting out random, mean comments (admitting that she doesn't think I can't take care of myself, she just wanted to say something mean). We have returned to our polite facebooking ways. She posts about her kids, I post about... well, everything else in life because I ::clears throat:: have one. :)

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