BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids When it is too late, it gets worse

Good question, posh.

Poshmog, that is a very hard question, and pretty much impossible to answer because the "what ifs" have no real answer. In my case, having a child has been possibly better on the long run. I saved my relationship and I got to know myself better: actually, I have learned that I REALLY did not want a child, and that is/was OK: back then I thought something must have been very wrong with me. I had really toyed with the idea of going to therapy to overcome my rejection!!! I also have a very supportive environment (emotionally and economically). Nobody (family/in laws/ close friends) judged me for having a hard time (I don't mean they understood), nobody pressures me into giving him a little brother and sister, so once the wounds are healed, and the baby becomes a child, I don't know what to say. Maybe having a child is better, as you put it. But on the other hand, with what I know now, I don't know if I could have plucked up the courage.

Reading all of these comments is very helpful. There are so many of us out there and we are all so similar and going through such a similar dilemma. I don't think most people have any idea how many people honestly feel this way bc noone talks about it. I feel like oprah should do a show on this topic before she retires the show since it is so impt to women. Interesting question posed by posh. I wonder that too and wonder if i dont' will i question and torture myself forever and in my old age wish i had children, grandchildren, or flipside if i do have them will i feel like solalux or worse. ugh.

I'm almost 43 and although I would never want to turn my life all around by having a baby now (not to mention all the risks involved at my age), I think I would have had the one or two kids in my early 30's had my husband been more responsible back then. I can't lie and say that I didn't have a few maternal urges, but I don't think I was 100% ready by any means in my 30's anyway. Honestly, a tiny part of me does regret that I didn't have the family, but when I look today at my sometimes unstable mental and emotional health, my quiet lifestyle, and my poor financial situation, I am glad I don't have kids to raise. More importantly, I think I would lose a big part of myself in dedicating so much time to child rearing. I just don't want to give up what keeps me grounded. I have two nephews, 6 and 11 yrs old. I am really close to the 11 yr old. I was there for his birth and that was a special experience I am so glad I had. At this point being an aunt is enough for me.