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Re: So Devestated [Re: gullivera] #566245 11/22/09 10:33 AM
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dissa Offline
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Solalux, reading your story gives me a lot to think about for my future. In the descriptions of your feelings and devastation through pregnancy and after I find my emotions caused only by the imagination of being pregnant and having a small kid. I just think that as much as I love my partner very much, somewhere in my heart I would find it very hard to forgive him talking me into this decision and doing it to me...even if it would be me who decides, it's just irrational but I am afraid I would make our life hell, at least for some time. Reading your story -and other's stories-makes me understand that people like me just DO exist and it's not me who is an alien, but that I should become faithful to what I feel. But on the other hand, he is the one for me, that I found after many years of searching and many bad relationships and I simply want him in my life and I want to make him happy. And so the story goes-if I do that to make him happy I will make him suffer at the same time-where's the best solution? Thank you all for this forum, it's such an amazing relief to me to find you here...

Last edited by dissa; 11/22/09 10:34 AM.
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Re: So Devestated [Re: dissa] #566247 11/22/09 11:02 AM
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Solalux Offline
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Hallo Dissa, I answered your thread a couple of seconds ago :-)
I know, this forum has been great to me too, maybe a little too late or maybe not.
I must say I went through 2 terrible years, but I saved the relationship, which was the whole point. I don't have a baby anymore, just a little child, which is A LOT better. My husband fully understands what it all meant to me. Now, he gets it, because even during the pregnancy, he was totally believing that because I am a nice person I would love the baby right away, and that because everybody does it, birth couldn't be that bad. With other woman he would have had more children, but because of me he even offered to have a vasectomy done.
So I am not the best person to be telling people not to do it, but I just cannot shut up when I hear the same old stupid arguments to talk people into having children.

Re: So Devestated [Re: Solalux] #566284 11/22/09 04:14 PM
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dissa Offline
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No, actually nobody should tell us whether to do it or not, and that is the point, that others should let us decide! But hearing stories like yours is very good to better understand ourselves. And I am very happy for you that things are getting better:) I also hope that the author of this thread will find the best solution (although it seams no solution is really good...).

Re: So Devestated [Re: Maureen-Twisted artist] #569091 12/04/09 09:08 PM
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BetzabeBadWords Offline
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Idk if anyone suggested this..but what about adoption? maybe an older kid?? idk..just sayin'

Re: So Devestated [Re: dissa] #569283 12/06/09 07:52 PM
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VirgoGirl Offline
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Hi Dissa- I'm in the same situation as you. Either way, our relationships will never be the same since our DH's want kids. I told my husband I'm in mourning for the loss of a marriage I thought was completely perfect for both of us. Now whatever happens, it won't be for one of us. After reading these forums and exploring feelings, I'm STILL trying to talk myself into this (and praying to God to change my heart so I can be happy about it). It seems stupid, but my husband is so dear to me, and I'm not sure I'd find someone as wonderful as him. After all, I hate sports and so does he. How many men can say that? :) I'm in dangerous territory, and my brain is telling me not to have a baby unless I truly want one. But what to do?

Re: So Devestated [Re: Solalux] #569284 12/06/09 07:57 PM
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VirgoGirl Offline
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Solalux- You are the best! Thank you for sharing your story with so many of us who are torutring ourselves over this. If we end up like you, life wouldn't be so bad, I think. But your son sounds like he wasn't difficult. both my husband and I had horrible colic. I think we'd be in for it. I'm so glad you're enjoying life a bit more now that your son is older. Would you do it again for your husband?

Re: So Devestated [Re: Maureen-Twisted artist] #571748 12/21/09 12:39 AM
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RosieM Offline
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All I can say is how very sorry I am. As of three weeks ago I'm in a similar, but far less difficult situation (been together 8 years, but we aren't married and have a rented, not bought, flat), so I know how absolutely agonised you must feel. And can I add that I'd be FURIOUS if my other half wasn't even prepared to sacrifice part of his life for kids! As it is, he'd happily be a stay at home dad to have a family, but your husband sounds like he has no idea at all about what the reality would be for you! It's so painful making a decision that you know, either way, will lead to unhappiness. I just hope he realises that you already ARE a family, and changes his mind. x

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