BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Who looks after you when you're old?

I don't think it's being a burden to your children. Hell, your parents took care of you and sacrificed, why can't children return the favor? Besides, how could you not feel a responsibility to care for your parents when they're elderly? Everyone with parents has that obligation. Just some are able to care for them on their own, while others can't and have to resort to a home. But back to the subject, I have no idea what I'm going to do when I'm old and completely helpless. I guess I'll have to do whatever I can when the time comes. Hopefully my brother will have some kids who can help me somewhat. I have tons of cousins as well. Hopefully some will be around when I'm an old lady to keep me company.

Great ideas, Kalinka!

My aunt and uncle have no children and now that they are approaching their 80s, their health is deteriorating. I moved to live across the street and I've been helping them because I love them so much. They are like my second parents. You don't need biological children to look after you. Anyone who loves you is good enough so please develop good social connections with anyone. It keeps you living longer and healthier both mentally and emotionally, too.

IF there is no one--family or friends--there are organizations who will check in on the elderly. Churches, social services, etc. In our church, the elderly are always looked after.

Develop lasting friendships and join good organizations! You'll have a happier life in your old age.

First of all i did take care of my mom who died of cancer. And at the time i just got custody of my grandson. It was very hard for me because i was a single parent, and a single grand parent.
I know what goes, with taking care of an elderly parent.
All children don't come financially, and emotionally stable to care for their elderly parents.
There are many things to take into consideration for the best of the elderly parent.

Sorry about the confusion in my post -- I'm am in no way "excusing myself" from caring for my parents. I will absolutely care for them when they reach their elderly years -- I do agree that all children should do so for their parents, although not all do. I was just saying that I appreciate the fact that they don't call me up every day to do stuff for them. They don't just come out and say "I raised you -- you owe it to me." If I had children, I would handle things the very same way.

Which is what I just stated Skyhaven. I'm sorry you had to carry that weight on your shoulders but I don't see why it's wrong of parents to expect their children to care of them when they're old. My mother expects me to care for her when she's elderly and I may end up having to care for her and my mother in law. I don't see it as something negative for her to expect that of me. Whether it means I care for her in my home, or placing her in a nursing home. I'm sorry if I offended you but I only said what I did because the response seemed negative, almost as if she was wrong for "burdening" her children to care for her. Which I don't think she is.

I will have my friends to look after me when I am old. But who sayd I NEED someone to look after ME? I want to share my life with my family and friends to the end. I want to take care of myself to the end. I don't think about who is going to take care of me, but instead take care of my own life by living it, one day at a time.

This is definitely a difficult decision and I agree completely with the no-kid people who say "even if you have kids, it is never a guarantee". If someone has kids with the idea "I have a built in old age plan" could be setting themselves up for a huge disappointment. That would not be a good reason to have kids. I know many people with kids who never see their kids, who could just as easily "not have kids" in terms of support. I also know many people without kids who have wonderful friends who support them very powerfully.

I think as you age that it is not about necessarily the creatures you spawned biologically, but the relationships you cultivated. I hope I phrased that well. If you as a person cultivated wonderful relationships with other people then it doesn't matter if they are biological kids or other family members or non-related friends. What matters is that people care about you - and that you care about them.

Well, I for one refuse to be guilt tripped by anybody. I am one of those people who has quieried my mom for having me in the first place. she was 42!!!! I guess as a child one never understands the decisions our elders would have made... but I took my mother up on the matter when I was ten, I just didn't understand why she would risk my health for her own pleasure. Anyway, thats a whole other matter. What I really wanted to comment on, is that Jellyroll, while I appreciate what you are saying, I must say that its a very difficult subject, because while our parents may have had thier reasons for having us, we still have our own lives. And those of us who have decided to be childfree need to make concrete plans for our retirement, because thats the choice we have made. I am 32 and have only just gotten my first mortgage. I have not furnished my house, nor have I completed the studies I need to complete to be where I need to be-another choice. SO I am working fulltime, studying, building a house, trying to start a business, and trying to save so I can at least have a fridge to put in that house..... I send money home when I can, but I certainly would not be able to able to look after my mom. I have had to work VERY hard to be where I am now. I won't bore you with my credentials... but the fact is. I am from a country who's economy colaspes COMPLETELY, so we had uproot ourselves move to a new country and at 30 START ALL OVER.... so yes, it is very feasable that one would not be able to look after thier parents... especially when they are soooo much older than you, when you are just coming out of high school. Its tough. One can only do what they can. Its really not fair to expect people to become martyr for a life that you never chose. Seriously. Each man for himself.... and yes, if one can do something then thats great... but to expect it? well thats just not on.

I don't think you can count on your kids to take care of you. If something happened to my parents right now I would not be able to take care of them. I live too far away and I must work. They will have to go to a nursing home that accepts social security. That is sad, but I know they would not come here, they are too stubborn.

Now, my husband's parents not only live here they have more resources, so we could easily help them physically with things.

I don't quite get this message.
Are you bragging that you have four children in a childfree/ childless forum? Because if so, you are just proving a point for the cfs: people have children out of selfish reasons, u.a. to get support in their old age. As for the cls, your comment can be hurtful!
But maybe you were trying to be cute and naive and I didn't get it. Sorry if that's the case.