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Joined: Mar 2009
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Yes, I feel like this Mom. I have 2 children. One is 11 months and one is almost 3. I so dislike being a Mom. It is not at all like the baby commercials that you see on tv. It drains all of my energy, time, and life. It may sound selfish but I can't stand it. My husband came from such a dysfunctional upbringing that I feel like I TRULY I spent 14 years "raising" him. Now I am thinking what is wrong with me to stay with a man who was abusive and needed so much help. Now I feel trapped with him & the kids, I want to leave them. I want to just pack my bags and leave. You know I have to beg for time to take a shower, to comb my hair or to have a moment to breathe. My husband belittles me and let's me know how awful I am. I had/have postpartum depression and I have only seen the doctor at my 6 week check-up. She prescribed Zoloft and I have been taking it every since with no guidance. I have to beg him to attend doctor's appointments. I am still very depressed and angry. I wonder whose life I am really living here. I think about death, hurting my kids, and myself often. There is no one to help me. I am alone and will continue to be alone except for paid professionals that I have no time to see. I have to beg my husband for help only to get dirty looks from him because he has to watch the children. Everyday I just look forward to going to sleep and dread waking up. It is an awful helpless feeling. To make things worst, I feel guilty about my thoughts because I have the sweetest children. I believe that 90% of my problems stem from my husband and his abusive nature. I am so tired from all of his bashing that I just have nothing to give to my kids. He sucks the life out of me and makes me feel like I am so low. So I am stuck......for 18 years with my children. I have no one to help. Family and Friends live away... It is just him & I. Not a pretty sight.

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We are not talking about your father. This is a post where people can express their true feelings. Maybe if your father had a place to post, then he might of been better able to cope. Your post will not help mom love or like motherhood. It is a fact that not everyone is a walking Johnson's and Johnson's commercial. I am a mom who does not like being a Mom. It is not what I thought it would be. I am coping but it is not enjoyable at all. I am taking measure to get help but I am not optimistic that it will change my angry and resentment. Motherhood is not for everyone and that message needs to get out there. It is NOT for everyone.

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Thanks so much for all of you here, to listen and support, I truly feel connected with you though we have not met. I can't talk to any of my friends, though I did express my feelings towards having the 2nd one. I will tell them out loud, "No, we have a lot of plans in life, but having another baby is not one of them." and they will look puzzeled. LOL!

I have to say I am a good mom, if all I need to do is to cook, care for her. I can do all those, very effiently. My house is very clean and nice most of the time. I love to cook for friends and family. But i do not like the displining a child, i don't like reading to a child and get all the same questions again and again, i don't like asking her to do the same thing 100 times and just find her ignoring me. So believe me, I always imagine I have a nanny at home who can do those, and let me have my freedom of doing my own things...

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MommyNC - reading your post, I don't think your issues lie as much with your children, as it does with being in an abusive relationship.

I have a feeling that if you and your children could be on your own (with addequate support) - you guys would be just fine. The majority of your depression seems to be brought on by your spouse, not your children.

Like many abused women, your anger and rage needs to go somewhere - you are terrified of taking it out on your husband, so the net logical target is you kids. They can't beat back on you like he can. But they need your protacetion as well.

The besst thing you could ever do for yourself and your children would be to leave. If after you flee and get into the system, you might considere giving up your children for adoption - but I would be willing to bet you would want to keep hole of them without their father's insanity around.

Get some abused spouse coounseling - this could be the step that might change your life.


Michelle Taylor
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Heam: I can relate to every word, sentence and feeling you have. I thought I'd always have a child at some point in life and left it to 39!!! I also hate it. I avoid my daughter as much as possible - daycare, daddycare, etc. I am sorry to hear that you are a single mom. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you and of course, if you don't like it, it's that much worse. I have a nine month old and it gets easier in some ways. Unfortunately the responsibility is always going to be there. I hope you get some more help from the community, family and friends.

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I found this forum after typing in 'I hate being a wife and mother into google'. I am not actually a wife- not yet, and today I feel like saying, not yet thank the lord. I have a daughter who will be 3 in July, and today I am thoroughly disliking being a mom. Not every day is like this, and I know full well I'm feeling like this because 1)I am ill at the moment, 2) her dad is not pulling his weight and 3)Everything else that I have on just now would just be so much easier if I didn't have a sick, annoying, crying faced tantrum throwing brat at my heels. That said, she is not always a brat, is very loving, smart, funny, beautiful ... but she curbs my sense of self, freedom, expression- even when I'm mad at her I feel like i'm repressing myself for not being as mad as I'd like to be. I feel guilty all the time! Anyway, I am glad I am not alone in my feelings. Today I felt like pushing the buggy away from me and walking off. Of course I didn't but the thought did occur. I think women need to acknowledge that it's normal to feel like this - but, hey, there's so much else going on the world, war, starvation, illness; perspective is definitely the key. And I hate being a wife much more than I do a mother

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I am just checking in to see how everyone on this thread is doing. My kids now are taking a nap and they are such beautiful creatures when they sleep. Later, we will go for a walk. I feel like a bad mom today because we were all very lazy and the kids really need to get outside instead of sitting on the couch watching TV all day. The guilt never ends, does it? I am happy they are older at this time and don't need so much butt wiping and constant supervision. There was a time when I felt chained to the house. Now they are much more fun and independant. It gets easier with time but believe me. NO MORE BABIES EVER!!! Hugs to all you women out there who are working so hard to raise the next generation

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I am not that happy with my mother role either, so no intention to be judgmental here at all, but, I am just curious to know why so many moms who hate being moms did it all over again with a second child. My son is almost 2 and I can't see myself going through pregnancy, birth, colics, bottles in the middle of the night... all over again!

Last edited by Solalux; 03/16/09 08:56 AM.
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I think for me it was the terrible guilt of not giving my DS a sibling. I wanted him to have another child to grow up with and not be an only. I know only children can be OK, but I'm glad he has a sister. He really loves her and they are great together.

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I felt that guilt at first, but thank God it is gone. It is horrible to live with so much guilt. First, I felt guilty because my husband wanted a child so much, so I had a child. And then I felt guilty because he was going to be an only child... Enough is enough. Having one kid without wanting it was hard enough, I could/ should never do such a thing again.

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