I have been with my husband for 17 years and from the first minute I met my step daughter she has had an attitude with me. When my husband introduced us on our first date, she stomped off. He made her apologize. She was only 14 at the time. Now that she is 31, she is more subtle with her rudeness. For instance, she was having a birthday party for her 3 year old and the invitation was to Dad & "Guest'. The thank you card was to "Dad". Her father thinks I am over reacting. She also is always making up stories to either get attention or to try and make me or my daughter look bad. Everyone in his family and mine know she is a liar and take everything she says with a grain of salt. Her latest escapade was her Christmas gift tagged to Her father and me both. It was a gift certificate to a store for hunting merchandise. Five people at the party asked me when I started hunting. They all seen through her obvious slap in the face, but her father is oblivious to it, saying she probably forgot to put another gift card in the bag. He is always making up excuses for her. I have always treated her three kids like my own grandchildren. I am so tired of her rudeness. What would you do? Maybe I should buy her a man's coat in her husband's size for her birthday!! Hahah Just kidding!
Your husband/her father is biased because it is her daughter. No one wants to believe that their children could be so hurtful and rude especially at the age she is now. Kudos to you for staying inthe marriage as long as you did and rising above the nonsense. However, when you get an invitation and it says to "Dad and Guest" and you have been married to him for seventeen years and he says you are over reacting, then his blinders are really thick. When he said that she probably forgot to put another gift card in the envelope, you should have made him go ask her if she did. Seventeen years is a very long time to hold a grudge and resentment so it wold appear that she has some very deep seeded issues.
It appears you have two options. One is to stop going to functions that she has for awhile and see if your husband will start asking her questions and find out what is going on. The other thing is to invite the daughter out to lunch and if she accepts, talk with her and tell her how you feel and ask her why she treats you like she does. You may not like the answer and it may not change things, but at least you'll know why.
It is hard and there is no easy answer and I can't really say in time it will pass, because it has been seventeen years already so it should have passed a very long time ago. Good luck and I hope you will be able to work things out before it causes damage to your marriage.
