BellaOnline Forums Relationships Dating Breaking Up by Ignoring Someone

There was an article on CNN recently that talked about a woman who routinely broke up with people by just not returning their calls. I found the idea to be incredibly rude. I would at least answer the phone or call them back and say something gentle but clear. Why would you string someone along for weeks, maybe preventing them from going out with other people in the meantime?

Maybe I just don't understand her point of view

I think if someone did this to me I'd be pretty annoyed with them. Have any of you guys had this happen to you? What was your impression of it?

HI LISA,
I'm agree with you that this is very rude. To me this lady just does not seem to care about other people at all. The only way this is acceptable is if the relationship turned dangerous & abusive in some way. People should show some concern & courtesy when they want to break up with someone. I hope that you had a good Christmas. Judy K.

I agree with you also. I did have this happen to me. I dated a guy a couple of years ago who did this. He just stopped calling me and never returned any of my phone calls. It was very hurtful and I promised myself I would never treat someone like that no matter how hard it was to make the call.
Sundancer
www.msgembroidery.com
www.mikessportingoods.ecrater.com

I have not slept or eaten in days. This is happening to me right now. I cannot explain in words, the pondering, the pain, the unanswered questions as to why the past year has meant nothing to him. I dragged myself to work today only to cry at my desk. It is a terrible thing to put anyone through. Especially when two weeks ago, he said that he loved me. In an instant, there was silence, then I waited and texted, called, and wrote. Nothing. I saw him at a club and friends told me that I should go home. They told me it was over.

I know how much it hurts. I am so sorry.

He's a COWARD, a loser and a liar. Don't you forget it.

You get to cry today. Then stop! He's not worth any more of your thoughts or your tears. It's going to be a new year, and you are starting it without him.

I believe when people break off a relationship without saying anything they think they are doing the right thing in that there will be no arguments, no pleading, no unpleasantness etc. They have no interest in hurting you, that's not why they do it. They just want the relationship to be over with as quickly as possible.

I have been there. When I was in college, I went out with this guy for like a month and then he just POOF disapeared. I called and called. I knew it was over but I wanted an "explanation." Oh I was LIVID.

Looking back now I see that he had every right to "pass" on the relationship. Yes it was rude and it hurt, but it was going to hurt no matter HOW he did it. And he was actually saving me from me from a world of heartache later if we'd stayed in the relationship or continued a friendship he didn't want just to preserve my feelings. Instead I moved on (because I was forced to by his noncommunication) and then met someone else who was CRAZY about me.

To me it's not about who does the breaking up or even the how the breaking up happens as long as the relationship--that is obviously not meant to be--ends. That's what matters.

Breaking up is never easy but when one person decides to leave the relationship without bothering to tell the other, the healing process is likely to become much harder for the one that was left. Not only is it a rude, selfish, and insensitive way to end a relationship, but it also makes it much more difficult to achieve a sense of closure.

I can feel your hurt. Go home..why? Only if you want to..not because of friends or him. Hold your head up and smile..and don't give him the time of day. In my own experience..sooner or later someone else will turn your head.
Hang in there!
Sundancer
www.msgembroidery.com

This is quite the topic. Unfortunately, I've done this myself (sort of), so feel free to hurl rotten tomatoes and bricks at me anytime!

I wasn't actually dating the person. It was long distance and we had just been chatting for some time, but the thoughts were serious, if only implied for the most part. Then the decision (this other person knew about this possibility) to get engaged to another happened and something inside me couldn't "face" the other right at that moment. Looking back, I think a huge part of it was because I knew I was making a mistake. Never the less, I felt lower that the slime under pond scum for what I had done. That didn't help the other person though. I finally told her what was going on and she was more than nice (I don't think I could have been that nice and I don't think I deserved her "understanding"). I still hurt for what I did and for what I know I put her through.

So, the lesson is, don't do this! It hurts the other person and it only hurts yourself too. Have a spine (unlike myself at the time) and yank that bandaid right off instead of just hoping it will go away.

In my opinion that is extremely cowardly. If you no longer feel like investing your time and energy into a relationship, at least have the guts to say so.

I wish I could do that with my bills. Just ignore them and they will go away? Sorry honey - that only works when you're two years old. Time to grow up!

Angela <><