Breaking Up by Ignoring Someone

Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Breaking Up by Ignoring Someone - 12/25/08 02:42 AM

There was an article on CNN recently that talked about a woman who routinely broke up with people by just not returning their calls. I found the idea to be incredibly rude. I would at least answer the phone or call them back and say something gentle but clear. Why would you string someone along for weeks, maybe preventing them from going out with other people in the meantime?

Maybe I just don't understand her point of view smile

I think if someone did this to me I'd be pretty annoyed with them. Have any of you guys had this happen to you? What was your impression of it?
Posted By: SILVER50

Re: Breaking Up by Ignoring Someone - 12/28/08 02:51 AM

I'm agree with you that this is very rude. To me this lady just does not seem to care about other people at all. The only way this is acceptable is if the relationship turned dangerous & abusive in some way. People should show some concern & courtesy when they want to break up with someone. I hope that you had a good Christmas. Judy K.
Posted By: sundancer

Re: Breaking Up by Ignoring Someone - 12/28/08 12:05 PM

I agree with you also. I did have this happen to me. I dated a guy a couple of years ago who did this. He just stopped calling me and never returned any of my phone calls. It was very hurtful and I promised myself I would never treat someone like that no matter how hard it was to make the call.
Posted By: AndrewNew

Re: Breaking Up by Ignoring Someone - 12/30/08 05:08 PM

I have not slept or eaten in days. This is happening to me right now. I cannot explain in words, the pondering, the pain, the unanswered questions as to why the past year has meant nothing to him. I dragged myself to work today only to cry at my desk. It is a terrible thing to put anyone through. Especially when two weeks ago, he said that he loved me. In an instant, there was silence, then I waited and texted, called, and wrote. Nothing. I saw him at a club and friends told me that I should go home. They told me it was over.
Posted By: dmichelle

Re: Breaking Up by Ignoring Someone - 12/30/08 05:35 PM

I know how much it hurts. I am so sorry.

He's a COWARD, a loser and a liar. Don't you forget it.

You get to cry today. Then stop! He's not worth any more of your thoughts or your tears. It's going to be a new year, and you are starting it without him.
Posted By: leahmullen

Re: Breaking Up by Ignoring Someone - 12/30/08 07:10 PM

I believe when people break off a relationship without saying anything they think they are doing the right thing in that there will be no arguments, no pleading, no unpleasantness etc. They have no interest in hurting you, that's not why they do it. They just want the relationship to be over with as quickly as possible.

I have been there. When I was in college, I went out with this guy for like a month and then he just POOF disapeared. I called and called. I knew it was over but I wanted an "explanation." Oh I was LIVID.

Looking back now I see that he had every right to "pass" on the relationship. Yes it was rude and it hurt, but it was going to hurt no matter HOW he did it. And he was actually saving me from me from a world of heartache later if we'd stayed in the relationship or continued a friendship he didn't want just to preserve my feelings. Instead I moved on (because I was forced to by his noncommunication) and then met someone else who was CRAZY about me.

To me it's not about who does the breaking up or even the how the breaking up happens as long as the relationship--that is obviously not meant to be--ends. That's what matters.
Posted By: k2y

Re: Breaking Up by Ignoring Someone - 12/30/08 10:15 PM

Breaking up is never easy but when one person decides to leave the relationship without bothering to tell the other, the healing process is likely to become much harder for the one that was left. Not only is it a rude, selfish, and insensitive way to end a relationship, but it also makes it much more difficult to achieve a sense of closure.
Posted By: sundancer

Re: Breaking Up by Ignoring Someone - 12/31/08 05:04 PM

Originally Posted By: AndrewNew
I saw him at a club and friends told me that I should go home. They told me it was over.

I can feel your hurt. Go home..why? Only if you want to..not because of friends or him. Hold your head up and smile..and don't give him the time of day. In my own experience..sooner or later someone else will turn your head.
Hang in there!
Posted By: Kevin - Hockey

Re: Breaking Up by Ignoring Someone - 12/31/08 05:32 PM

This is quite the topic. Unfortunately, I've done this myself (sort of), so feel free to hurl rotten tomatoes and bricks at me anytime!

I wasn't actually dating the person. It was long distance and we had just been chatting for some time, but the thoughts were serious, if only implied for the most part. Then the decision (this other person knew about this possibility) to get engaged to another happened and something inside me couldn't "face" the other right at that moment. Looking back, I think a huge part of it was because I knew I was making a mistake. Never the less, I felt lower that the slime under pond scum for what I had done. That didn't help the other person though. I finally told her what was going on and she was more than nice (I don't think I could have been that nice and I don't think I deserved her "understanding"). I still hurt for what I did and for what I know I put her through.

So, the lesson is, don't do this! It hurts the other person and it only hurts yourself too. Have a spine (unlike myself at the time) and yank that bandaid right off instead of just hoping it will go away.
Posted By: Angela, Pregnancy Editor

Re: Breaking Up by Ignoring Someone - 12/31/08 05:42 PM

In my opinion that is extremely cowardly. If you no longer feel like investing your time and energy into a relationship, at least have the guts to say so.

I wish I could do that with my bills. Just ignore them and they will go away? Sorry honey - that only works when you're two years old. Time to grow up!

Angela <><
Posted By: Kevin - Hockey

Re: Breaking Up by Ignoring Someone - 12/31/08 07:13 PM

Yeah, that was my point.
Posted By: Chelle - Marriage Editor

Re: Breaking Up by Ignoring Someone - 12/31/08 10:25 PM

Kevin, it definitely shows that you have grown that you know that what you did at the time was a mistake. And I think it was really great of you to come on here and "fess up" about it as an example. smile

But I think many of us do the "ignore it and it will go away" in life, not only in relationships but everything. I know it is very hard for me to face any kind of confrontation. (Yeah, I know I do it here all the time, LOL) But here on the forums I'm not looking someone in the face. If I have to confront someone either face-to-face or on the phone, I will quite often have a panic attack. It is one reason why my Mom is still capable of reducing me to tears of frustration!

It is hard to hurt someone. That's good, it means we are good and caring people.

But I think of breaking up with someone by facing them as opposed to ignoring them as tending a wound.

The breaking up is going to hurt either way; but if you are hionest and forthright it is like pouring alcohol on the cut - it hurts really bad at first, but it heals cleanly. If a person is just left wondering, then the cut is just left open to fester and become infected - it never really heals.
Posted By: leahmullen

Re: Breaking Up by Ignoring Someone - 01/04/09 02:53 AM

I can think of two times that I argued my way out of a breakup. The person wanted to break up and I didn't. One of them became my husband. LOL. But the other was SO wrong for me. He was a gentleman and tried to break it to me gently. But I argued the point so that the break up took a long time to be finalized. It hurt much worst than if he'd just not called to tell me.

I still think a clean break is fine. I have never done that to anyone, not called to clarify the breakup, but the time that it did happen to me--the guy stopped calling. I look back and say "whew, what a jerk. I'm GLAD he didn't like me.I'm glad I never heard from him again after the last time I spoke to him. I missed a bullet with that one."

I know it's a hard pill to swallow when someone does not call to finalize things, but it's for the best that you cut all ties with someone who would do something like that.
Posted By: dmichelle

Re: Breaking Up by Ignoring Someone - 01/15/09 03:40 PM

I am trying to break it off...He won't go away. I have already been brutally honest and told him I can never love him the way he deserves, and that my feelings for him are not passionate. He said he's ok with that, he'll take what I can give. He said my love for him will grow with time. I think that's pathetic..another reason he's not for me. Then I tried telling him I am dating other guys, that didn't work either.

I am going to have to ignore him to make him go away. Otherwise I am going to turn mean and heartless. I don't want to do that either.

Posted By: Chelle - Marriage Editor

Re: Breaking Up by Ignoring Someone - 01/15/09 03:59 PM

That is a totally different situation.

You have already said - "We are done". He just won't let go.
So you go on with your life.

That is not breaking up by ignoring someone. That is following through with the words that you have already said.

Breaking up by ignoring someone is when you never say "it's over", you just never call the person again.
Posted By: Kristin Davis

Re: Breaking Up by Ignoring Someone - 02/02/09 05:07 AM

My boyfriend of 2 years is doing this to me now. I am heartbroken, grieving and in a full state of panic. I think its incredibly cruel and people who do this are just cowards
Posted By: Anne_0921

Re: Breaking Up by Ignoring Someone - 04/24/14 04:49 AM

I know that this is a really old thread, but I was wondering... I don't know if this is currently happening to me. Maybe it is and I am just too scared to admit it. Like Kevin's situation, I am in a long distance relationship, and have been for almost a year now. Now he is basically not replying to me for around 2 weeks. Everything was fine when we last talked, so I am really confused, worried, and a bit hurt. Do you think he is breaking up by ignoring me?
Posted By: Danielle - Dating Editor

Re: Breaking Up by Ignoring Someone - 04/24/14 10:34 PM

Hi Anne,
I think that with any situation, it is dependent on the situation prior to this happening. How often did you talk? I'm guessing because it was a relationship and it was long distance for a year that it was pretty frequent. Two weeks after frequent communication, especially when you aren't close by to go and confront him. Personally, I think that if he is breaking up with you, you have nothing to lose by asking. Send him an email or another form of communication that you can really take the time to think about what you want to say and it is less pressure for him if that is what he is trying to do. If he is the type of guy that would ignore you to break up with you, then you really are going to have to give him less pressure so he can get up the nerve. I'm sure you want closure and I would too. I can completely understand the worry as well. I would be terrified that something had happened if I couldn't get a hold of someone I had been with for a year.
If you know anyone that he is close to and you are more worried about his safety than the situation, I would contact them if you are still unable to get a response. Feel free to email me if you'd like to talk, vent about it, or ask any more questions!
You can find my contact form at this page:BellaOnline ALERT: Raw URLs are not allowed in these forums for security reasons. Please use UBB code. If you don't know how to do UBB code just post here for help - we will help out!
Posted By: Anne_0921

Re: Breaking Up by Ignoring Someone - 04/24/14 11:46 PM

To start with, I do NOT know how to use UBB codes, and for that, I'm sorry. Yes, I am more worried about him and his safety than the situation. Some people have been comforting me, saying that he might just have a lot of things to do at work.. I recently remembered him telling me that this year would be very busy for him.. maybe the reason I'm worried is because this never happened before? Not kbowing is really scary. And yes, if he really does want to break up, I would want closure. The thing is, before we started our relationship, and even through it, we would talk , hypothetically, about talking to each other if we would want to stop our relationship... I didn't think that he is the kind of guy who would ignore to break up.. a part of me still believes he isn't. My friends told me to give him more time to contant me, like maybe a week more or two, and see what happens, and if he doesn't contact me, it would be time to move on.
Posted By: Anne_0921

Re: Breaking Up by Ignoring Someone - 04/24/14 11:59 PM

I just typed a long reply. I am not sure i it got sent though. I would like to say thag yes, I DON'T know how to use UBB codes. :( Some people are trying to comfort me and say that he might be busy with work. He did say that this year would be busy for his office, so yeah :-/ maybe that is it. And yes, I am more worried about him and his safety more than the situation itself. And I am also confused. Prior to this, we have been talking almost every day. Then in the last few months, he would have some busy days when he won't be able to message me. It has never been this long though... I am also confused because prior, and even during, our relationship, we agreed that if we would want to break up, we would tell each other. Unfortunately, I don't know his parents or his housmate's contact details. I haven't tried calling him yet on his mobile.. but I am planning to do so.. soon..
Posted By: Modern Woman

Re: Breaking Up by Ignoring Someone - 05/12/14 02:50 AM

If you no longer want the relationship, tell your partner. Ignoring does not help.
Posted By: cathleen63

Re: Breaking Up by Ignoring Someone - 10/11/14 03:31 AM

I agree. Its totally rude. I mean how hard can a message o email saying look Im sorry its not your fault I just dont see this working for me. Wish you all the best blah blah. I recently had this happen to me. And it left me questioning myself. I did ask if it was something I did wrong. Nothing. My question how do you have a intensive relationship well it was, then after weeks and he even sent me flowers turn to dust. I just feel like the biggest looser. And to make matters worse I still see him on the dating site regularly on line looking for whatever.....Totally weird
Posted By: Dorcy

Re: Breaking Up by Ignoring Someone - 10/11/14 04:00 AM

Not the best way to end relationship, especially for the dumpee( worst case scenario), everyone needs closure and if one person decides to walk out just like that without a word healing process gets disturbed. It will take the dumpee a long time to get closure on her/his own and that prolongs recovery process. To end a relationship that way you really have to be a heartless person, and have no respect for your now &quot;insignificant&quot; one.
Posted By: cory455

Re: Breaking Up by Ignoring Someone - 12/01/14 04:10 PM

That's a pretty bad thing to do. Why would you en something like this......I prefer to call and clear my way out of the situation rather then keeping them hanging.
Posted By: Mia Silky

Re: Breaking Up by Ignoring Someone - 12/26/14 08:45 AM

Ignoring is not the solution of anything, If you want to breakup just let your partner know. One can have guts for relation then he/she must have guts for facing that phase too.
Posted By: Sheryl T

Re: Breaking Up by Ignoring Someone - 02/19/15 04:55 PM

I think it's the coward's way out. Someday I might be the exact person he needs and then see how I don't return HIS calls.
Posted By: Lori - Marriage

Re: Breaking Up by Ignoring Someone - 02/19/15 09:03 PM

You're right. Breaking up by ignoring someone is cowardly. It's also selfish and immature. But let's face it: Many people are selfish, immature, and cowardly when it comes to having to face a hard task.

No one likes to have to give someone bad news. It makes us feel bad. What people don't realize though that it is far kinder to give someone bad news directly than to leave that person with a million unanswered questions that will torment them for years.

The problem is that many men and women will fight a break-up. They want explanations or reasons to defend the relationship, and who wants to have to fight their way out of a relationship? Then, weaker personalities will try to hang on. "I'll be better" "Just tell me what I'm doing wrong" or "We can make this work."

It's important to use words that make it clear you want to break up and nothing will change your mind about that. "I'm sorry but it's time for both of us to move on. This isn't working for me but I know that there's someone else out there who is just right for you."

When the person tries to plea or argue, be firm and don't be tempted to tell him/her everything that you don't like about him/her. "It's best if we don't rehash everything or have to point out all the ways we don't work. It'll just make us feel bad. We're both adults and can do what's right and what's right is to appreciate the good things we had but move on when I am sure that this relationship is not for me any longer. It really has been good knowing you, and I wish you well."

You can even email, text or leave a phone message. It's tacky but better than ignoring someone.
Posted By: stepjmus03

Re: Breaking Up by Ignoring Someone - 08/05/15 04:35 AM

It happened to me and I was really lost. didn't know what to think about this person and didn't know what to do too. Fortunately, I finally received an answer after several days but I don't get the point of view of people doing that. I think they are just too weak and don't respect other...
Posted By: AmandaSt

Re: Breaking Up by Ignoring Someone - 10/31/15 10:21 AM

I think those people who break up the relationship without saying a word are just scared. It can be by any reason: they don't want to hurt your feelings or don't want to put themselves in an awkward position...But in the reality they just don't respect the person they break up with. I hate when the person just can't give me a clear answer if something went wrong. If it's over then it's over, but you must tell about it. Everybody deserves to know the truth no matter how hurtful it can be.
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