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Re: Would You Sell Eggs to Give Somebody Else a Child? [Re: msbaby] #442547 08/10/08 05:44 AM
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Lisa LowCarb Offline
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Forum moderators here aren't on 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We all work for FREE. We expect forums by and large to self moderate and to behave civilly.

Any person is welcome to participate in any forum and to express their point of view. For someone to say they feel a certain way is never a statement that they expect all other people to feel that way as well. If someone with kids feels selfish, that is how they feel. Others are welcome to feel differently and not need to feel defensive or upset because of that.

I personally considered donating eggs. I was deeply in debt and it would have made a huge difference in my life, to have that money. For people who dismiss that, maybe you have never experienced that kind of debt load. I had just gotten divorced and was saddled with over $30k in debt as a result. This was one of my only ways out. There are not many legitimate, "honorable" ways for a single mother to make that kind of income to stay financially solvent.


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For New Visitors: This forum exists as a support community for people who are living a child-free existence. This area is here to help nurture, inspire and educate those who, for whatever reason, are living their lives without children in the home.

Posts made here must be supportive of this lifestyle choice. Comments should not question a person's decision to or reasons for being child free. Those negative comments are called "bingoing" or "trolling" and are not allowed. Please be sure you are aware of this forum's intentions and rules before posting!

Re: Would You Sell Eggs to Give Somebody Else a Child? [Re: msbaby] #442549 08/10/08 05:49 AM
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MiraKitty Offline
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Originally Posted By: msbaby


I really wish that people who conceive naturally had to pass JUST HALF of the scrutiny of the people trying to adopt. If people had to prove they were ready to be parents before they had kids the world would be a better place.


Ugh, Amen. I wish you were required to pass a test before you had kids. Guaranteed most of my neighbors wouldn't have any right now...

Which brings up another annoyance. Doctors who will happily help you to have a football team of kids no questions asked, but want to run psych evals on you if you want a tubal (and then outright refuse to do it).

Edit: Lisa, I think your situation is a little different. You mention being a single mother, in which case, since you have already reproduced, you aren't grappling with what I think is the main objection: whether or not we'd truly be child-free if we donated eggs (and they were used). But, who's to say what any of us would do in a situation like you described.

Last edited by MiraKitty; 08/10/08 05:53 AM.
Re: Would You Sell Eggs to Give Somebody Else a Child? [Re: MiraKitty] #442551 08/10/08 05:57 AM
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Lisa LowCarb Offline
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I agree completely that all parents should pass a test before having kids. You need to fill out forms and such before adopting dogs and cats, or getting a driver's license. There should be even more involved before you bring a human life into the world and are entrusted solely with its care.

I do agree that the philosophical issues in creating a life are very important. But I think it's also important to acknowledge, from a financial standpoint, that many people simply cannot afford to eat. In the hierarchy of needs it's easy to say "someone should consider the higher morals". However if someone can't fulfill their basic needs of food and water, those always have to come first. You can only consider higher moral grounds if you are alive to think about them.


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Re: Would You Sell Eggs to Give Somebody Else a Child? [Re: Lisa LowCarb] #442552 08/10/08 05:58 AM
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Lady J Offline
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what I don't get is the opinion that by donating eggs, and they being used, you have "children" out there. No, YOU don't have children... someone else does by using part of you that you willingly donated or sold. This is the same bone of contention I have with people and me, with me being adopted, telling me that my mother must miss me, or do I have a relationship with my "mom". I tell them yes, I had a great relationship with my mom. She was my best friend and I miss her dearly. They don't get I am talking about the woman who raised me and was my MOM, not the woman who was my birth progenator. Yes, she birthed me and I am a product of half of her DNA, yet, I am NOT her child. She gave up all those rights the day she signed the papers absolving her of any responsibilty legally for me.

It is no simpler than that. Just because one may donate sperm or an egg, does not mean that the offspring of that donation is their "child" or "offspring". You gave up the right to think like that or behaive in that manner the day you signed the paper and made your "donation". It is this mindset that can and does destroy relatrionships with the children and families of those who benefited from the donation. I don't need to know my donator. S/He isn't my parent. I don't want to know them especially because they didn't want to know me. They are nothing more than the people who gave my parents the opportunity to have me. My parents, the ones who WANTED the child, took the steps to get me. Genetic materials does not make a parent and so forth, it's the intent behind it (the adoption or use of donated materials) that counts. That would be like saying that the leather jacket I might wear is the child of the designer, and thus it is still in essence theirs. Or that the painting the artists created, even though sold to a buyer, is still theres for all eternity.

I am not trying to be bitter or bitchy, however, this is one of my pet peeves. People need to see things for what they truly are. A sperm or egg donation is a monetary transaction (or a gifted transaction when money isn't involved). There is no other obligation associated and no other relatinship with the material once it's donated. The product of your donation isn't yours, and never will be. You sold it or gave it away... you have no claims to it... period. I am happy I was adopted. It gave me a life I never would have had with my birthmother. I don't have a relationship with her by choice. She may consider me her child, but I am not that at all. I was raised by a mother and a father who loved me and cared for me, because they wanted to and not because they HAD to. I may not have been born to my mom, but that didn't make her any less my mom, and to give the woman who did birth me any more credence by calling her mom or mother is a disservice to the woman who proudly carried that title with honor.

Consider that which I have said and think about it. Donations are donations. The resulting product (if any) has nothing to do with the person who donated. They provided the material for creation and nothing more. There is no duty beyond the original transaction, and to think there is (or to claim a duty or honor/association) not only is a disservice to the people who benefitted from your donation, but a dishonor to the product (the child) of your donation.


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Re: Would You Sell Eggs to Give Somebody Else a Child? [Re: Lady J] #442646 08/10/08 01:44 PM
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Jase, believe me when I say that people don't consider themselves a parent of a child that was conceived from egg/sperm donations. The fact is that your genetic material is out there, so you have passed on your genes, and that is your biological child. I completely agree that you are NOT the parents, the people who are raising the child, but biological donors only.

The thing I wonder with egg/sperm donation (and birth parents, in the case of adoption) is this: what happens when the child ends up with some kind of genetic disease, or needs bone marrow, or some kind of transplant? How responsible is the donor/birth parent then?

Just wondering, I don't have an answer. I'm not saying that either is bad.



Re: Would You Sell Eggs to Give Somebody Else a Child? [Re: sweetkb713] #442684 08/10/08 05:31 PM
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I agree with you Jase! Totally - your family are the people who love you and care for you. smile

And i also would wonder, had i ever donated, what kind of creature was out there who might look like me, be like me, in subtle ways. Would they think like me, care about the environment, be creative and love school? Or would their genes mix up to be more like my parents, grandmother, sister? I would wonder and wonder. After all, my sister's child ended up more like me than her for some gene blending reason.

So those are the kind of thoughts I would have swirling in my head.

Re: Would You Sell Eggs to Give Somebody Else a Child? [Re: Jilly] #442723 08/10/08 08:15 PM
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Lady J Offline
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thanks for listening to me rant. I had just had an argument with my sister. Constantly when she compains about our birthmother she says "your mom". I tell her all the time my mom is dead.. yet she still says that. and so when i came in here and read this thread I kinda snapped a bit. so if anyone took offense I am sorry. But I wanted you to see it from another prospective... the one of a child and their "birth parent".


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Re: Would You Sell Eggs to Give Somebody Else a Child? [Re: Lady J] #442742 08/10/08 08:58 PM
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Certainly if the human biological sperm/egg donor had nothing to do with the parenting of a child that developed out of their genetic material--they are NOT parents in the emotional definition of the word. But technically, according to science, the 'parent' is the orignating organism. I would not donate/sell my eggs because I do not wish to reproduce. I do not wish to be a parent in any sense of the word. Altho some would argue that I have 'parented' in other than physical fashion. I am my own sister's godmother, and I did have some responsibilities in her raising. I also had foster children for a couple of years.
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Re: Would You Sell Eggs to Give Somebody Else a Child? [Re: LadyLvsNyt] #442806 08/11/08 04:22 AM
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msbaby Offline OP
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Wow, this is exactly why I frequent this forum loaded up with kids and all! Excellent conversation and eye opening points of view.

When I said I wouldn't sell my eggs, I should not have made such a blanket statement. If my children were hungry or we were in deep financial despair, I would certainly reconsider. So, I suppose I should edit my thoughts to reflect that I would not want to donate but might under certain circumstances. Another case of never say never.

And above all, I hope and pray that I could resist judging a person who sold theirs no matter what they wanted with the money. Their eggs, their life so long as they don't cause anyone else harm.

I also have the utmost respect for women who choose not to procreate because of genetic reasons. This does not mean they might not have wanted a family; they are doing their part to avoid the possibility of passing on illness and suffering. Sacrifice for the sake of another is to be admired.

I wish that the women who do choose to have babies would take a page from their book. I still see way too many pregnant women drinking, smoking and otherwise not taking care of their own lives much less the life they are carrying. We should revoke their license to procreate. ;-)




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