BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Dreading Godson's Christening

LOL@LadyLvsNyt

I think I should definitely downplay what I do and reassure them of the international importance of what they do.

Thing is they're completely unhappy - which means they spend lots of time on the moral high ground looking for lack of self-sacrifice in others. Though I don't know what's so moral about smearing your own genetic material across the universe...

I might have a word with the godfather - last time I bumped into him we had a good laugh about our own 'shortcomings'...

Well said on that one! These people are self-centered so do as you had said tomorrow and keep the conversation constantly refocused onto them! Changing the subject to their affairs keeps it off you and makes their ego even bigger!!
Your best come back to questioning is "yep, this is my life. It is what it is!" and not try and defend or explain anything which only backs ya into a hole! It is the peaceful zenish attitude. (I don't know much about zen, but I love this saying as it is so to the point and people seem to be stopped by it becuase it is so darn logical!)

Good luck tomorrow! Peace! (or at least try to survive )

Thanks for this - I'm off to get the train now.

You're right about not trying to defend or explain something. I think I heard that once in an assertiveness class.

Here goes...

Let us know how you did! We're all pullin for ya!

thanks everyone

Well it was pretty funny in the end. Got the train armed with an expensive (though slightly horrible) wall hanging as a gift.

Then, after about an hour on the train I received a text (SMS for you US people) from F - the mother. It said:

'can we expect to see you at the church? You are not the godmother. Instead it is a mad religious woman. I got into a situation I couldn't get out of'

I had been asked to be the godmother last December, so naturally I was surprised at this! Obviously many people would have been highly insulted at the change of plan, but actually I felt relieved.

Mainly because I don't have a religious faith. (Neither does the godfather or the father. F is the only one who believes.) So I just felt pleased that I wouldn't have to publicly renounce the works of Satan or whatever they do. I quite like Satan

Bear in mind that I am still godmother to her elder child anyway. So I basically wasn't annoyed at all at this sudden demotion in status, but it does seem rather unorthodox to hear about it on the train on the way to the christening LOL.

So I got to the church, was friendly, and then later said to F: "I know we have really different lives, but we should hang out together without the kids sometime because I am still fond of you".

She did actually seem to respond emotionally to that. And then I thought, well now I can be honest about my life and if they give me any grief over it, then no-one can say I haven't tried.

So I explained in a confident, unapologetic way about why I'm doing a load of study in my mid-30s. And for the first time in ages, she seemed to be able to handle it. Or she did a very good impersonation of it.

So maybe you could say the day was a triumph of friendship. I think F can still be a complete nightmare of a person.

I think this is because her own mother abandoned her, and she has put EVERYTHING into the mothering role as a result. Therefore she can tend to judge others on whether they are a good mother or not - that's her gauge for all human beings, animals, rocks etc.

But if she wants to keep me as a godmother to her daughter then she's gonna have to be nice to me.

On a hilarious final note, I hear she's already fallen out with the new godmother, as they have been bickering competitively about their children. That's why F referred to her as "a mad religious woman".

So that was my ridiculous Sunday...

Here's to a new era in trying to be as honest as possible with people about who I am and who I'm not!

You were told via a TEXT MESSAGE that you were no longer the godmother? That is beyond rude. I would have had a few choice words for that girl, and I'd have texted them right back to her. I would have gotten off the train at the next stop and gone home. And thrown the present in the garbage can.

Yeah, I know what you mean. It is kind of outrageous.

But I was just relieved to not have that role any more. Because then she has less hold over me.


Warning for others: Do NOT be flattered into becoming a godparent unless it's a situation you're really comfortable with!

I know exactly what you mean, Ogriv. I've never been a godmother, but I was friends with a girl who made it clear that I was going to be an "auntie" (whether I wanted to or not). Of course, her definition of auntie meant babysitting and showing up at birthday parties.

Thank goodness I'm not friends with her anymore! I got sick of having to play this role (among other things). Flattery just gets you stuck doing things you don't want to do (like babysit).

Yes, quite right, karenb

You have to really make sure you're on the same page as the mother. Some of my friends with kids are great, but some are insufferable!

Some people take the role of Godparent very seriously, too. Depending upon how devout the couple is, agreeing to become a Godparent is tantamount to saying you will be that child's guardian should anything happen to the parents!

Of course, parents that are that serious about it will usually have a loooong discussion with the Godparents before hand, and those folks will know what they are agreeing to.

But if I'm not mistaken, that was the original purpose of Godparents - to be an extra set of parental guidance to help raise the child under God in the Catholic church.

These days some people just name a godparent (little "g") as a flattery to their friends or an honorary thing with very little thought about it.

Sounds like your friend fit into this category, especislly considering the way she "dumped" you last minute.

But you would have probably been in for way more than you had realized if she hadn't backed out - so it does sound like over all you narrowly escaped! (But she was completely insensitive in the way she handled it.)