BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage what couldn't you tolerate?

You think this is 'hot'....?
You should try the Richard Dawkins site!
Man, the profanities, the insults the cussedness!
Compared to some of the posters on there, we're genteel victorian demure coy and blushing roses!!

And to be honest, I saw nothing confrontational in anyone's posts here, I think everyone has behaved with politeness and courtesy. Put it this way. if we were all sitting chatting in one room, face to face, I don't think nayone would have walked out, let alone spilled their tea.....Nobody's insulted anyone, nobody's been rude, verbally violent or abusive.

For goodness sakes, we're grown women - we put up with worse from our teenage children!

The written word, in its simple premise, carries all kinds of misleading connotations, precisely because it's all we've got.
No body language, no eye contact, no verbal inflection...
just 'black and white'.

By the way, I do see where you're coming from.
I am a moderator on three other sites, so I can see why you'd think things may be getting warm.
But I, for one, don't believe they are.....

Thank you for listening.
As Dr. Frazier Crane would say.

I agree, AlexandrA. I like my name spelt properly too. Sorry, it wasn't intentional.

I find debate healthy and sometimes enlightening. I think everyone has been polite and very articulate.

Back to the topic:
Yes we are mammals but we are emotional mammals. Society has imposed a structure (marriage) that encourages fidelity. However, I believe too many people use the argument that we are mammals to justify infidelity instead of taking personal responsibility. It's a copout in my book because we have evolved further than the rest of the animal kingdom and have the thought processes to make choices that will not hurt others.

No one says you have to shackle yourself into society's expectations. If you don't want to be faithful, don't get married. Pretty simple. There's even an end run around that. If both parties in the union agree to freer terms, who are we to judge?

Oh I know it wasn't Anatasia, thank you! You should se the hash-up some folk make of my second name - Federica....!! :rolleyes:!!

Well, yes I know we have emotions, and as I said in an earlier post, this not only raises us head and shoulders above other creatures, but on the negative sidem it's partly what "holds us back".... we do let such things really complicate matters...
The argument I hear most from men, is that their women want too much committment, or their women don't understand them, or that they've let themselves go....
And women say their men don't value them, take them for granted, or have become complacent....
So we really do attach so much baggage to everything...
Animals have emotions too, very definitely, but the one thing they don't have is baggage or agendas. They remember, but they don't hold onto resentment. Caution, yes. Resentment, no....

And yeh, 100% with you on your last paragraph. If you 'don't want to do the time, don't do the crime'. But if both of you are happy with the deal - party on!!

It does have to (goes without saying) be mutually acceptable and agreeable tho'....

Infidelity and abuse.

Been there, won't go back. Either one would send me out the door, after knocking him out with whatever was close enough.

I'm with Julie...flat out.

And then he best hide asap because my mother would hunt him down followed by my best friend and whatever brother (I have 3 and the smallest is 270# & 6'4) my mother sent after the leftovers.

porn

If my partner watched or bought porn after me telling him how much it would hurt and sicken me and also he would be contributing to the horrifying abuse too women and children that get stuck in the porn industry I would leave him in a heartbeat. I need a man who sees me as a human, someone who thinks he's ENTITLED to buy women for his wank fodder cannot see me as a person, if he did he would empathise with those demeaned women in those pictures and videos and would not even THINK he had a right to buy their bodies. Besides cheating on me this is a dealbreaker , once is enough since I told each of my partners before my husband (who is against porn as I am)that if I give them statistics ,rape reports, child abuse cases and anti-porn articles to read (containing valid facts figures and real life experiences) to explain my hatred and the pain is would cause me and they STILL decide to get off on porn? Then they aren't worth my time anymore.

Definitely infidelity. Abuse is not in my makeup to tolerate, and since dh knows I never miss (handgun training began right after potty training in my family) he wouldn't try that anyway. It's not his personality anyway.

I happen to believe we are created beings, and idealy we need to partner for life. Even the act of a porn addiction is a type of infidelity, because a man's mind is geared to get into the act upon visual stimulation. I have been here, as have many women I have counseled. It does feel just like your mate was with someone else-a LOT of someone else's. Whether or not your relationship can survive a 'lot of someone else's' is up to you and your personal views on the issue. If you don't have trust, there is no reason spending another day together. If your other is cheating on you physically, you and your children are endangered in many ways-its just not worth it.

Alcoholism/abuse/infidelity - i hit the TRIFECTA! No really- all three for me. I understand where Alexandra is coming from. After suffering from emotional and physical abuse - when i found out about the affair (s) -i just wanted him out of mine and my kids lives. I didn't want his influence on them (which doesn't happen of course). Infidelity hurts when you find out - he broke your vows - he slept with someone other than you - and then blames you for it...not good. The alcoholism/abuse went hand in hand. Unfortunately i stayed for too long - thinking he would change (i was alot younger). I had an AHA moment - woke up one morning and said - enuf is enuf - of course that's the morning i woke up in the hospital after he'd pushed me down the stairs and i'd lost a baby!

We all have things that have happened to us. It's not so much the issues but HOW we deal with them afterwards. My ex was charged and spent time in jail. But it didn't heal my bruises - not for YEARS. Emotional and/or physical abuse is long lasting and without counselling to deal with those feelings -there is no moving forward. Thankfully i had all of the above.

I am now married to a wonderful man - who treats me very well - and is aware of my past and what my ex did. He is not that kind of person - he respects me too much and loves me. Love is not supposed to hurt - if it does - then get out!

Sugarland! That country music pair sings the sappiest songs ever written. I hate that [censored]. GRRRR!

All of the above......