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Re: Needing support-can't deal with children anymore [Re: Bonniesa] #416419 05/09/08 01:42 AM
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Originally Posted By: Bonnie, Autism Editor
My son turns 13 this month and first year doing school at home with california virtual academy so my freedom and gym time is gone. We get on each others nerves at times, but this is safest for my son.



Bonnie, do any of the (what's the word?) advocacy groups offer assistance to come out maybe 3 times a week or so?

If you could just get a professional to come out and watch over the boys for a ciupke of hours a few days a week, it would make a huge difference.

OR have you considered doing a co-op with other parents of autistic children?

I've just started getting involved in our local spectrum support group, and it has been amazing. They have tons of stuff for the kids, but then lots of stuff for us - that has been a lifesaver in just knowing I'm not alone. (Of course I've know I had YOU for years now; but Cali to GA is quite a trip, LOL!!)


Michelle Taylor
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Re: Needing support-can't deal with children anymore [Re: unhappy mom] #416423 05/09/08 01:56 AM
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I think a lot more people feel this way than care to admit. It's wonderful and brave to talk about it. Most people hide it.

I used to work as a personal assistant for people who needed help around the house with kids. There were little indications here and there that I wouldn't have seen otherwise that just simply made them human.

For the most part there were either anti-depression medications, sleeping aids or little bottles of alcohol tucked (not that it was alcoholism, that's not the impression I got anyway) here and there. You could just tell the way they were set up someone went and grabbed a sip.

Having kids, well it's only Erma Bombecky in the commercials for Disney World. It is very stressful. At best you get 9 months of fantasy, if you let yourself even go that route which reality sets in, shortly there after.

If it's an affordable or practical solution, you could hire someone to tend to the picking up of the children, errands, and such. Working for a corporation we would only get paid around $7 or $8 an hour. If a household really liked our work, they would hire us independant, though, with much better wages and benefits. Personally, I feel people would answer an ad if the working conditions were pleasant for a lower wage.

Just an idea.

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Last edited by Eleise - Clairvoyance; 05/09/08 01:58 AM.

Karen Elleise
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Re: Needing support-can't deal with children anymore [Re: Elleise - Clairvoyance] #416429 05/09/08 02:14 AM
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I know this is off topic, but please indulge me, here. I've read all of Erma Bombeck's books, most more than once. She described motherhood as exhausting, frustrating, and overwhelming, among other things. I think her name might have been the wrong one for your analogy, Elleise, though off-hand, 50's sitcom Moms are the only replacement names that come to mind.


Happily Living The Childfree Life!
Re: Needing support-can't deal with children anymore [Re: M.B.] #416439 05/09/08 02:50 AM
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It is exhausting but she always seemed to have an analogy that made sense to just about everyone and everything, especially to those who read it. When you're going through it, it just seems like there are no answers, even if you know somewhere there is one.

I guess the analogy could have been different.

Elleise
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Last edited by Eleise - Clairvoyance; 05/09/08 02:51 AM.

Karen Elleise
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Re: Needing support-can't deal with children anymore [Re: Elleise - Clairvoyance] #416667 05/09/08 09:50 PM
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The ideal of motherhood is a myth. Religions and society have glorified motherhood and made any woman who wasn't thrilled with the idea of being a mother an outcast. There had to be "something wrong with her" if she wasn't ready to sacrifice her all for her children.





"Allow your dreams to become your plans."

Kristen

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Re: Needing support-can't deal with children anymore [Re: kristen houghton] #416676 05/09/08 10:55 PM
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The original post was back in Feb...that kind of concerns me for the poster. I hope all is well for her.


Julie Fletcher
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Re: Needing support-can't deal with children anymore [Re: unhappy mom] #418033 05/13/08 05:53 PM
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Hi! I just wanted to write and offer words of support--take what you want, and leave the rest.

You sound like a wonderful mother!

There was one part of your post that I can't get out of my mind, so I wanted to post a few things about it, based on what I've had other moms mention to me. Just in case you can use any of the information.

Quote: "When i was treated for depression I just felt worse, and when I switched to another pill, it was another kind of sadness".

First, I would address this issue now. Talk with your counselor about reasons why the second pill did not work. Where there any interactions (a friend informed me that over the counter medicines, and even foods and drinks can make medicine used to treat depression less effective. I think I read an article about this as well�talk to you counselor).

Or, perhaps it�s time to try a new medicine. Please talk with your counselor�and if you are not satisfied, then get another one (your primary care doctor or OBGYN can be a great source for recommendations).

There are some very effective medicines out there for depression, and sometimes you may need something different that you had taken previously. Talk with your doctor or counselor.

Second, I think Michelle�s idea about counting counseling is right on. Please, talk with your counselor about setting up regular sessions, at least for a little while. At the very least, you can vent your frustrations and feelings to someone who really does understand.

It�s important for your primary care doctor and your counselor to be on the same page. Create a team, so to speak, that can help for times when you are depressed, or the depression gets worse.

Do you think it might be a good idea for your family to go talk with someone as well? If for nothing else then maybe to gets tips or plans to cope with any rough areas (kids not helping out with chores, getting away with too much, etc...I'm not saying AT ALL that your kids are doing that, just trying to think of issues that can add on to the stress you are already under).

It sounds like you do so much for your family--you sound like a wonderful mother smile Now it�s time to do so much for yourself. You are the leader, now it�s time to create your own team for your own health.

I read your post and another one similar, and they broke my heart. But please know (and anyone else as well) there is help out there.

Is there another mom that you can trade off babysitting hours with? And, don�t be afraid to open up to other moms in your area (and here too of course), because even if that Mom doesn�t know what you are going through, I bet you she knows someone else who has.

There is so much more advanced information about depression, and it�s created more awareness. Hang in there, and go create your team�start with your doctor, counselor, and perhaps another mom in your neighborhood.

I am so sorry this is long, just trying to complie what other moms have shared with me on similar issues.

Hang in there!! smile

Re: Needing support-can't deal with children anymore [Re: Adoption Editor] #427988 06/18/08 04:49 PM
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Dude I have homeschooled for 12 years, I have a special needs child on top of that. Of course there are days when it's just too much. While there are many drugs out there nowadays to help, it's very difficult to find a doctor that will LISTEN to you long enough to help you get the right one for you!
Exercise and a hobby are outlets that let you be human, because in all things we are to have moderation.

I completely understand not wanting to do this, wanting to hide under a rock or run away. It's NOT an easy job, and it's not necessarily going to 'grow' on a person. but most of us all grow up eventually and realize it's not always about US. If there is something else going on, and it sounds like there is, you must fight to get answers for you asap. I certainly hope that you have.
I advocate for children first on nearly every matter, it's not their fault we are selfish or self serving or whatever our hangups are. They NEED us and you NEED to be healthy enough to face whatever happens in your life's journey.


Orthodox homeschooling mom to 7, one with Rett Syndrome
Re: Needing support-can't deal with children anymore [Re: unhappy mom] #452743 09/16/08 09:24 AM
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I feel so sad that there are so many unhappy moms out there. There are no easy answers to any of your problems. Perhaps some "me" time on a regular basis would make parenting a bit easier.

The mom who mentioned that she teaches homeschooling classes and so on for a bit of income and a sense of identity could be onto something. I maintain my sanity by having many of my own interests. I think it's so important not to loose your sense of identity once you become a mom, and that's so easy to do.

You've got to have a sense of purpose to your life, that's independent of being a mom. What did you love doing before you became a mom? Is there any way you can incorporate that into your life at the moment?

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