Hi! I just wanted to write and offer words of support--take what you want, and leave the rest.
You sound like a wonderful mother!
There was one part of your post that I can't get out of my mind, so I wanted to post a few things about it, based on what I've had other moms mention to me. Just in case you can use any of the information.
Quote: "When i was treated for depression I just felt worse, and when I switched to another pill, it was another kind of sadness".
First, I would address this issue now. Talk with your counselor about reasons why the second pill did not work. Where there any interactions (a friend informed me that over the counter medicines, and even foods and drinks can make medicine used to treat depression less effective. I think I read an article about this as wellï¿½talk to you counselor).
Or, perhaps itï¿½s time to try a new medicine. Please talk with your counselorï¿½and if you are not satisfied, then get another one (your primary care doctor or OBGYN can be a great source for recommendations).
There are some very effective medicines out there for depression, and sometimes you may need something different that you had taken previously. Talk with your doctor or counselor.
Second, I think Michelleï¿½s idea about counting counseling is right on. Please, talk with your counselor about setting up regular sessions, at least for a little while. At the very least, you can vent your frustrations and feelings to someone who really does understand.
Itï¿½s important for your primary care doctor and your counselor to be on the same page. Create a team, so to speak, that can help for times when you are depressed, or the depression gets worse.
Do you think it might be a good idea for your family to go talk with someone as well? If for nothing else then maybe to gets tips or plans to cope with any rough areas (kids not helping out with chores, getting away with too much, etc...I'm not saying AT ALL that your kids are doing that, just trying to think of issues that can add on to the stress you are already under).
It sounds like you do so much for your family--you sound like a wonderful mother
Now itï¿½s time to do so much for yourself. You are the leader, now itï¿½s time to create your own team for your own health.
I read your post and another one similar, and they broke my heart. But please know (and anyone else as well) there is help out there.
Is there another mom that you can trade off babysitting hours with? And, donï¿½t be afraid to open up to other moms in your area (and here too of course), because even if that Mom doesnï¿½t know what you are going through, I bet you she knows someone else who has.
There is so much more advanced information about depression, and itï¿½s created more awareness. Hang in there, and go create your teamï¿½start with your doctor, counselor, and perhaps another mom in your neighborhood.
I am so sorry this is long, just trying to complie what other moms have shared with me on similar issues.
Hang in there!!