BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Well, it's Over

Being engaged should be a happy thing... I'm so sorry for how you are feeling.

Excellent point.

Hey Terrence,
I agree 100% with the comments made by Frieda, Angela,jhmd, Louie and Athena.

Over the course of the past few months, I have become friendly with a divorced mother of two. Her son is ~14 and the daughter ~ 12. I have met the kids, but never spent more than a 10 minute ski chairlift ride with them. I have known her for 5 years. For whatever reason, we have become friendlier over the past few months. She is very nice, very attractive and an amazing athlete. We have skied together on several occasions this winter and went for a bike ride earlier this week. I will probably ski with her this weekend. Still, I would never date this woman. If she didn't have kids, I'd ask her out in a heartbeat. I don't care that she is going onto 50 while I celebrate no. 38 on April 29. My firm and permanent CF stance offers no compromise. Being friends with this gal and being in a realationship with her would be completely different.

I have been single for a year after a two year relationship ended. The breakup had nothing to do with kids; we agreed on zero from day 1 and during my time with her I got snipped. Being CF and trying to date is a major challenge. Before I met my ex at age 35, my dating history was all failure frustration. In the past year, I have been out on only 2 dates. I hit the delete key on match.com far more often than I hit the reply button to messages. I am not trying to attract pity or sympathy with the above comments about my dating history. Rather, I am saying that I can commiserate with the difficulties being CF presents WRT dating.
Lastly, I have eased the pain of the breakup by drowning my sorrows in fun rather than booze. Click on the links below and the pictures will speak for themselves.

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Still here. I just want to say thank you for all your interest and support and caring wishes. We had another blow out today and this might be the final straw. I'm afraid of losing her and that this is all my own undoing. She has been an amazing help to me and has stood by my side through thick and thin. Still, the "change" in lifestyle adaptations for me pales in comparison to what she has to endure. We are now living together in her place and I find the "go, go" entwined with wedding preparations and a ten year old's activities a bit overwhelming at times. I miss my freedom, yet in looking back at my singledom, I didn't do a whole lot with it and I longed for companionship. Can anyone say "the grass is greener"? Perhaps I am just immature. I really don't know. I have my up days and down days and maybe I am just suffering from depression. I find there are days when I am at a loss for energy or motivation.

I don't communicate well and am a very private person. There is awkwardness at times between us. I deal far better with animals. Isn't that sad ?

Terrence, I'm new here and don't know you like the other people on this forum, but think about what you are doing.

I am an introverted, private person who has trouble communicating at times. In my early 20s, I was engaged to a wonderful man who very much wanted a family. I looked past that and focused on his good qualities. I was also very afraid of being alone at the time. Five months before the wedding, I had a breakdown, called off the engagement and broke up with him. I couldn't handle the thought of children and he wanted kids more than anything. To him, his wife would be the mother of his children.

It seems like you are both rushing into marriage when you both truly do not want the same things. The grass is DEFINITELY greener when you have someone to share the same goals and desires. You are not immature for not wanting children.

If you think you could possibly be depressed, please talk to a professional about it. And please don't make any life-changing decisions based on fear.

Mike_e - I'm so sorry that dating was so rough on you! That being said, I know a *ton* of women who do not have children and have no interest in having children. So they are definitely out there. Maybe it's something about how you are searching, or about how you are listing yourself?

Terrence - I'm so sorry you have having these issues. It is exceedingly hard to work through a relationship when you are at odds over a core issue. I run RomanceClass.com (a Dear Abby style site) and we get this question ALL the time. I'm afraid that most of the time it is just not healthy to try to get it to work. Compromises of this serious a nature affect your entire life.

Is there a reason you cannot be best friends, and see each other weekly, but have her marry someone that wants kids? That is done *all* the time and it works out very well.

You're looking at this as an either or. Either the freedom / loneliness of being single, or the stifling busy / not loneliness of the current wedding. But that's not how real life works. Somewhere in between is the "just right" of a perfect partner for you. One that matches your desire not to have kids.

It's not sad to deal well with animals!! MANY people love animals. What if your ideal purpose in life was to run an animal shelter with a partner, and together you save thousands of animals a year?

Hampton - that must have been exceedingly difficult for you to break off the engagement - but I imagine it was the wisest decision you ever made. Kudos for you for having that strength, and being able to see what you really needed in life.