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Re: Not married - no kids - disability choice [Re: Anatasia] #412310 04/28/08 02:10 PM
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Angela P Offline
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I agree, Anatasia. But it's our own fault for still coming here knowing it's happening - like standing on a stage with flood lights, letting the audience throw tomatoes and laughing. If we speak up, we get hit.

This is like a freak show.


"Men and women think that it is necessary to have children. It is not. It is their animal nature and social custom, rather than reason, which makes them believe that this is a necessity." --Democritus
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For New Visitors: This forum exists as a support community for people who are living a child-free existence. This area is here to help nurture, inspire and educate those who, for whatever reason, are living their lives without children in the home.

Posts made here must be supportive of this lifestyle choice. Comments should not question a person's decision to or reasons for being child free. Those negative comments are called "bingoing" or "trolling" and are not allowed. Please be sure you are aware of this forum's intentions and rules before posting!

Re: Not married - no kids - disability choice [Re: Angela P] #412318 04/28/08 02:18 PM
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You're right Angela. I'm outta here.

Re: Not married - no kids - disability choice [Re: SNC_Editor_Pam] #412320 04/28/08 02:21 PM
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Originally Posted By: SNC_Editor_Pam
You seem like an excellent candidate for reproduction because of the qualities you reflect in your writing. I respect whatever decision you make, although I question your partner's opinion. He already has a daughter, you say, but has not considered the value a brother or sister would offer her.


1) YOu just bingoed Myrabeth in a CF forum. Many of us CF people are told we'd be excellent parents--and we would! BUt we are CF. And we are CF because we do a lot of thinking about children before we decide whther or not to have them. Either way, we come here to get away from being bingoed.

2) Many CF people are only children. As am I. There is a huge value to being an only child as well. In this economy, I honestly don't know how people can afford one child, let alone more. I was perfectly happy being an only child and tell this to many people who are getting pressure from parents and friends not to let their child be a "lonely only." I was never lonely.


"The world might be considerably poorer if the great writers had exchanged their books for children of flesh and blood." ~Virginia Woolfe
Re: Not married - no kids - disability choice [Re: CF 4 Ever] #412330 04/28/08 02:51 PM
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Gillian- congrats on being an aunt.

When considering to have a child I think it is important to think of all the bad along with the good, and I think people who want to be parents need to think about any genetic disorders they may pass down. I'm not sure whether I think that would be categorized as a moral obligation but I think so. Yes people can live productive lives with genetic disorders but if you know you are a carrier why purposely inflict it.

I have a friend with a degenerative eye disease. She will be completely blind by about 30-35yrs. Her father had it and the doctors said it only shows up in males and females are only the carrier. Well the gene mutated and both my friend and her sister have the disease and it is working faster. The father was about 60 before being legally blind. Both she and her sister have chosen not to have biological children. I don't know if either want children and will therefore adopt.

Re: Not married - no kids - disability choice [Re: CF 4 Ever] #412343 04/28/08 03:08 PM
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>You seem like an excellent candidate for reproduction because of the qualities you reflect in your writing. I respect whatever decision you make, although I question your partner's opinion. He already has a daughter, you say, but has not considered the value a brother or sister would offer her.

Wow, that sounds like a wildly inappropriate thing to say! First, the OP DOESN'T WANT a child -- that makes her an excellent candidate to NOT have one, in my book.

Second, that argument that you need to have another child to give first child a sibling is equally inappropriate, on multiple levels. I'm saying this as a woman who has an only child, not by choice but by circumstance. I have known many who had an only by choice, too. Whatever works for them.

But I will tell you -- my only child has had times when he was young and wished for a sibling, then times when he was older -- about 10, I think (he's 16 now) when he said he thinks it is better being an only. There is no cut and dried right path for all.

I'm glad that Pamela has a good attitude for her life and her child-situation, but it doesn't mean that it is the only view, or that it is what is right for all others.


Re: Not married - no kids - disability choice [Re: Gillian ClassicalMusic] #412351 04/28/08 03:32 PM
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As Myrabeth mentioned, this topic was brought up here:BellaOnline ALERT: Raw URLs are not allowed in these forums for security reasons. Please use UBB code. If you don't know how to do UBB code just post here for help - we will help out!

Re: Not married - no kids - disability choice [Re: CF 4 Ever] #412352 04/28/08 03:34 PM
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Gillian-you posted a very interesting situation. The best part is that you and your fiancee worked this out before you were married, good or bad. In the end, it is your personal choice, do you want kids and are you ok with your decision.

A lot of people don't even know they are carrying a defective gene that is passed on until their kids arrive. I have a perfectly healthy friend and her husband that have three kids with severe disabilities. No one knew until the oldest was about two. It's a great conversation to have before you get married because some people would bail under those circumstances. Others thrive to make the most out of life.


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Re: Not married - no kids - disability choice [Re: GreyDrakkon] #412353 04/28/08 03:36 PM
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*post deleted by author*

Last edited by Angela P; 04/28/08 06:33 PM.
Re: Not married - no kids - disability choice [Re: Angela P] #412355 04/28/08 03:40 PM
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(deleted by poster)

Last edited by Manatee; 04/28/08 06:54 PM.

The emperor has no clothes. Choose The Childfree Life!
Re: Not married - no kids - disability choice [Re: Angela P] #412357 04/28/08 03:43 PM
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Consider this-my friends that have 3 kids with disabilities are burdened by debt but there is abundance of laughter and love in their house that they share with others.

Another perfectly healthy child may come from an abusive family and gets emotionally troubled later on in life, ends up in trouble or commits suicide.

Environmental and family conditions contribute to a healthy child's life. Which life is better?



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