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#411181 04/24/08 02:48 PM
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 476
Gecko
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Gecko
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 476
I have a colleague who is a mother of five and we get on well and I think she is FABULOUS. She knows I don't want kids but we accept each others' decisions and I've been to some of her parties.
BUT she told us something today that mad me feel mad - - on her behalf esp. as she is REALLY NICE.
It is her birthday on Saturday well the party is on Saturday and she has a boyfriend now who sounds lovely whose bought nice party shoes for her etc. ANYWAY
her ex husband (beater, cheater, total loser, glad she left him but also unfortunately the father of her children, also lovely.)
Her ex husband said he would babysit and now said he doesn't want to.
The kids all live with her and as I said to her - "They're HIS children TOO!" (as in he should take some bloody responsibility and help out on the odd occasion.)
I think he has figured out she's having a birthday party, she's not invited, don't know if he knows about her boyfriend.
But I just feel so sorry for her because the party is meant to be adults only and that was her and her boyfriends idea to give all the parents a night off and the party is meant to be a bit formal, dinner and dance and late. And now she says she doesn't even want to go to her OWN birthday party which she was looking forward to and so deserves, she seems like a good mother overall and she works SO HARD at work.
She said she may have to bring the kids along, doesn't want to, made arrangements but he's let her down. (a)I am VERY glad I don't have to worry about what to do with the kids if I want an adults night out and (b) I do feel sorry for her and think he is even MORE of a deadbeat than I already did!!


I leave the child-rearing to people who feel called to it. I've never felt that call.
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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 476
Gecko
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Gecko
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 476
Disclaimer (beware of trolls? Don't feed them they might bite?) I KNOW not all dads are like him.
For e.g. another colleague mother of three is going to her home country for a holiday & to see her family and her hubby is looking after them while she is away.



I leave the child-rearing to people who feel called to it. I've never felt that call.
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 998
Parakeet
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Parakeet
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 998
That guy is a serious piece of [censored]! Do they have a regular visitation schedule? Or does he "change his mind" about those, too? I don't what it is with some people. They make the babies, leave them with the other parent, and think they're scot-free. -NO, sir. The marriage may no longer exist, but the kids do. You still have an obligation to them-

And to their poor, overworked mother. He helped make those kids with her, and he owes her some downtime once in a while for sticking her with -did you you say FIVE???-kids and bailing. I hope she finds a reliable sitter before the party. Maybe some kid-friendly family member, friend or coworker will offer to skip the party and stay home with the kids as a birthday gift to the mom.



Happily Living The Childfree Life!
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 655
M
Gecko
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Gecko
M
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 655
I hope she manages to make it work out -- and to have a wonderful time at the party. But the ex sounds like a piece of work. Not only is he letting the mother down, but the kids -- and what a message he is sending to them!

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 923
Parakeet
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Parakeet
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 923
That dad is not a typical example of fathers. The fathers I know of are caring, will give their wives time off, and love being fathers. That's fine by me -- that lifestyle/job just isn't for me.

The one thing that I know is that kids truly do follow the "Do as I see, not what you say" attitude. Parents who don't know that are not real parents and, unfortunately, their children will tend to suffer.

A friend of DW's in college got pregnant with two kids while unmarried 24 years ago. Bouncing from unsteady boyfriend to unsteady boyfriend their entire lives, her children, a boy and a girl, grew up in this environment.

Now the son is 19, is an unprepared father for a child that is just announced, and the daughter is pregnant without any caring father. And the mother is SHOCKED that her kids turned out that way. Yes, kids follow what you do, not what you say.


Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 332
K
Shark
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Shark
K
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 332
That's so sad! This guy sounds real immature--not the kind of person who should have 5 kids frown I wonder if there are any other options for her? Are any of her family also in town who would be willing the watch them? Or is there any trusted babysitting service she could use? It sounds like she really deserves a night off, and like you, I hate to see this happen to her...let us know how it turns out!


the only thing i want to parent is my great dane!
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 727
M
Gecko
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Gecko
M
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 727
Duane I think that's called history repeating itself...
My brother's partner is very unstable - her three kids from her first marriage are messed up badly - no routine, no stability, men moving in and then moving out, taking them out of school every couple of years, moving away from their friends every couple of years...
Her explanation for their problems..."they take after their father"...
I fear the future for these kids is far from bright...no life skills, no ambition, no social skills, no work ethic, very poor school results...
Still...she got her 4 kids - as she says, "I always wanted 4 kids"...
Just a shame for the kids she didn't have the same interest in raising them properly...



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