hmmm. I am thinking abut what you are saying. it might take a while to articulate how I am feeling.

Yes...me too.... It certainly has focussed the attention. I wuill admit I have not beem 100% successful, but it does concentrate the mind wonderfully. Very difficult to do when one's partner doesn't 'play he game' though.... and he's very anti- everything.... Truly. He's hard work.
Hates people, hates crowds, doesn't suffer fools gladly... has lots of issues.... oh well.....*sigh and smile!*

I also think Gennifer's take on cultivating genuine and perceptive Gratitude for all the things that come our way, is a good pointer..... Whatever it is, it teaches us something....

*Edit note: I meant Jennifer, not Gennifer!*

Alexandra - OK I wrote a tome of content. I'm going to post it in a separate thread though, about dealing with partners who aren't quite in tune with you, since I think that's something most of us face

Jilly - I grew up with a shouting, borderline abusive stepfather and a very fiery mother. So I am definitely interested in hearing your take on "enthusiastic childhoods"

Still thinking on this.

Well, I really think I am going quite well on my non-complaining. Today was a challenge - we took our first bike ride on our new bikes and I faced several issues. Road bikes are much taller than mountain bikes so I felt VERY unsteady. The brakes were in a completely different location, where I can't easily reach them. My gloves were new and hurt my hands immensely. Bob was very understanding and nursed me through it all. I tried to express issues gently. For example I had to tell him my hands hurt - so we could plan the distance on our trip properly - but I wasn't whining about it. In fact he offered to turn back early and I said we could finish the trail, that it was getting better. And in fact it did get better.

"Turn it all into a positive" is sometimes a difficult, yet worthwhile exercise.... or at least to glean some advantage or enjoyment from the experience....Occasionally, being able to do so might be a great challenge in itself. The fact that you are making the effort to view the situation in a balanced way, may indeed, be the only thing of value!!
But your outing was a fruitful and enjoyable excursion for you in the end I hope.... so there in itself - to be out with Bob, on a healthy bike-ride - was an achievement... getting my partner to mount a bike may be more of a challenge.....

Saturday was a ton of fun for me - we went out walking with friends in Old Sturbridge Village, a 1830s farming village and one of my favorite locations. It was so wonderful! And we had a wonderful lunch too.

Today I'm working on my laptop in my back yard, surrounded by my growing seedlings, the birds are out at my birdbath singing, and I am very relaxed. And I'm catching up on work and reviews!! So there isn't even a reason to complain

Alexandra - Bob would never really want to go to Old Sturbridge Village. So I deliberately cultivated other friends who have that sort of interest. No one person can be everything to you. If you seek out friends with different interests, it means you can have someone who enthusiastically wants to join you when you have a plan in mind for your day

Bob is off working at the bike shop today, which I highly encouraged him to do, which is great because he's learning more about bikes, which means we're more likely to go biking again

I'll do this, but I am going to try it one day at a time. Then at the end of a week I can be happy, then 2 weeks, and so on.

One thing I would love to get people I know to do is spend a month without saying they can't. It is wonderful to keep going until you DO instead of just assuming you can't.

And you know what? I CAN do the no-complaining thing. Each time I feel one coming on, I'll say something nice instead.

Yes I would definitely put the "I can't" into the complaining category. Although I have to caveat if someone says

"Can you go to dinner on Tuesday"

I can say

"I am afraid I have another appointment already"

and that is considered fine.

but if someone says

"Want to go walking with me on Saturday"

I should not say

"I can't walk"

:-)

I'm thinking of a totally different can't.

Like...


"Could you please close that door?"

"I caaaan't, I am tired" or so on.

A certain person I know did this in front of me my whole life, thanks to their can'ts, I now refuse to believe that I can't. If that makes sense. So, maybe it is a good thing in some cases. So, no complaint about it, only a giving thanks that a lesson was learned!