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Do Not Complain for 1 Month

Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/07/08 09:13 AM

OK I've read about this in several places now and it seems like a great challenge.

Can you go a whole month without complaining?

I am quite willing to give it a try!

I suppose we will have to judge what a complaint actually is. If you write in your journal about your day and you talk about a rough situation, is that complaining?
Posted By: Jilly

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/08/08 12:55 AM

this sounds both hard and complicated (which is, right there, me complaining), but also very intriguing. I am willing to try it, depending on which month. smile
Posted By: M.B.

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/08/08 01:11 AM

What qualifies as a complaint is so subjective. Is telling my finace all about my day (even the bad parts) complaining? If a certain co-worker screws up yet another customer's order, is making sure management knows about this problem complaining?

I don't see Jilly simply stating her belief that this challenge would be difficult as complaining, for example, but she does. Does that make sense?

I couldn't pledge to take on this challenge, simply because the line is so blurry. Best of luck to those brave enough to try it, though!
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/08/08 11:50 AM

I think it's fair if each of us draws a personal line between what we feel is inappropriate and appropriate behavior. To say "I will try to do what I feel is right for 30 days" seems a great aim for all of us!

I think you can talk about a bad day in a way which is constructive - and also in a way that is whining. One way points out problems which could be fixed. Another way just expresses anger about issues.

Now, for example I just finished up a series of reviews. Some of the items I reviewed had issues. So I talked about these issues, like "the font was hard to read". This isn't complaining. It is explaining a problem. If I wrote "this brain-dead jerk didn't know what he was doing!!" that would be complaining smile

We can always bring up examples in this thread as we hit them, and see what we think about it!

So far I think I'm doing well smile
Posted By: Jilly

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/08/08 08:32 PM

so are we trying this now? or will it start at the begining of some month?

It is pretty hard to draw the line b/t a complaint and just talking. Dan says I am complaining all the time when, to me, it's just talking.

So i am a little sensitive to it. And I have no idea if that statement i just said is a complaint! smile
Posted By: Phyllis Doyle Burns

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/08/08 08:40 PM

I promise I will try. Is it on now? - or do I still have time to complain about something?
Posted By: Alexandra

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/08/08 08:51 PM

Why don't we start from Monday 14th April?
That way we can brace ourselves for the effort - and get any arising complaints out of the way here and now!!!

The OED defines Complaining as a 'verbal expression of dissatisfaction or annoyance'.
So the way I see it (and it is just MY way, I would emphasise....)we need to make sure that whatever expression of dissatisfaction or annoyance that comes up in our minds is not verbalised. This could range from anything between the fact that the dishwasher repairman arrived in the afternoon instead of the morning, to the fact that Mother has just been the big Drama Control-Freak Queen, yet again - !!

Any takers on this?
Posted By: Phyllis Doyle Burns

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/09/08 02:05 AM

The 14th sounds ok with me. Anyone else?
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/09/08 02:14 AM

It doesn't matter when you start - because the point is if you complain you start again. The aim is to try to go for a real month without complaining, not to for a month try to complain as little as you can and feel guilty when you do complain smile So you can start right now! Heck we can see by the 14th who has even made it that long without having to start over.

Bob and I were talking in the car tonight about what constitutes complaining. The thought is that you want to fill your world with positive energy and encouragement. So focusing on negative things is unhealthy for you. If you spend 20 minutes talking and musing about "how much that clerk at Home Depot was rude" then whether you call it complaining or sociological discussion, that is 20 minutes of your life that was wasted, spent on a "bad situation" and focusing on that "bad situation".

Now if you have a dog that peed on your carpet and you spend 20 minutes discussing methods of training him NOT to do that - that's not complaining, that is being productive in finding a way to better your life. But if you spend 20 minutes just ranting about your dumb dog and why he peed on your carpet again, that would be unproductive and complaining.

But again we can all bring up situations here in the thread to talk about, and to figure out if it is a positive or negative situation that time was spent on!

I don't *think* I have complained since I first posted. I'm trying to be aware of what I say but it's hard to be aware all the time. I'm thinking back over the Geek Girls dinner I just came from and pretty much the entire dinner is us all talking together and helping each other with ideas and brainstorming, so it is generally a long, positive talk, not a complaining one.
Posted By: Jilly

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/09/08 02:48 AM

Okay, i guess i need to know what more people think, since Lisa's statement here: "but it's hard to be aware all the time" sounds like a complaint to the way DH gets on my butt about complaining. smile
Posted By: Jennifer-Living Simply

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/09/08 03:06 AM

I just came across this thread...and my only thought is... Wow! Can I start with an hour and go from there? wink
Posted By: Alexandra

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/09/08 06:19 AM

Oh, yep. Ok....

I'm starting.........................................................
.................................................................
.................................................................
........now!
Posted By: Joan541

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/09/08 12:46 PM

This is a great idea! In fact, it is almost the answer to a prayer for me.

I don't live near my family. My younger sister is always calling to complain about what my brother-in-law says to her husband at family get togethers. In fact, it's gotten so bad, that my sister doesn't even want to go to holidays with my family.

She calls me up to complain for hours on this issue, knowing that I also had problems with him when I lived there (one reason I left!)

I've found that when it comes to my sister, she can get me into rehashing the past to no good end. I feel terrible after I talk to her.

Now I can tell her I've taken a vow of "no complaining" for a month. Wont' be much fun for her to call and chew my ear off that way!

Thanks so much.
Posted By: Alexandra

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/09/08 12:59 PM

Oh, people like these are known as emotion leeches....

I have the perfect cure, and you're right, it's in this thread...
I had a woeful lady, continuously calling me to offload which was very draining and demoralising... our entire lives at home would revolve around discussing poor 'Dah-de-dah''s problems....

Then one day, it clicked.
I sat quietly and listened to her pouring her heart out (I swear to you she didn't take a breath in 40 minutes) then as she finished, I promise, I said this:

"Oh dear.....you are in a pickle, aren't you? Hey, guess what?? We're going to the theatre on saturday evening to see 'Starlight express!' I can't wait! have you seen it?'
There was silence at the other end of the phone.
Me: 'Hello? Are you there?'
Dah-de-dah: 'Yes, I'm here....'
Me: 'So....have you seen it?'
Dah-de-dah: 'No I haven't. Well, let me know what it's like, I might take the children. I have to go now, I have to get dinner on....'

And that was it.
Simple.

I never heard from her again.

Not complaining, just sharing a strong opinion that if you call a complainer's or Emotion Leech's bluff - they don't like it. You're supposed to listen to all their cares and woes, be sympathetic, take it all off of their shoulders - and they'll happily offload on to you, let you lose sleep over it, whilst they feel so much better at having swiped your great and receptive Positive energy from you, thank you very much!!

This is a very good way of taking care of yourself - and of them!
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/11/08 01:14 AM

Well so far I'm starting again today smile

Yesterday I had ALL sorts of computer problems - two different viruses got onto my system, my anti-virus software couldn't find them (the 'free' one from Charter) so I had to track down a copy of Norton and install it, which blocked my email from working, etc. etc. So at one point I was swearing like a sailor smile

Today I didn't get up until 2pm and had to run to the Charter office to complain about my $250/mo bill (yes it has gotten insane) and their response was "too bad". This after the support people on the phone told me explicitly that if I went to the office they could get the price lowered. So that was frustrating.

However - once that was done, we went to the post office which was fine, then to the vet. And we had to wait 1/2 hr at the vet because a dog had a torn ear, but while my boyfriend was getting a little wait-crazy, I did my tree pose and other yoga moves in the waiting room and was quite peaceful and fine with it. So I suppose you can count me as being good from 2pm onwards today smile
Posted By: Jilly

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/11/08 01:21 AM

Yes I am starting again too. frown My office is on the living room and Dan came barging into my workspace as usual this morning to tell me about his frustrating morning. Which was fine if I hadn't said, "do you have to barge all over me like that every time you walk to the kitchen?"

I really need to move my office to a more private area. I have no "door" so it seems i am always available. frown
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/11/08 01:26 AM

Originally Posted By: Jilly
Okay, i guess i need to know what more people think, since Lisa's statement here: "but it's hard to be aware all the time" sounds like a complaint to the way DH gets on my butt about complaining. smile


I think the core of it is going to be tone and intention.

situation 1:
A group of five saffron-robed teens are sitting in a semi-circle facing an olive-robed elder. All are on a polished wood floor in an ancient temple. One wall is open to the mountains beyond. A gentle breeze drifts through the room, causing the incense smoke to drift slightly. One of the students looks up with limpid eyes and offers quietly,

"Master - it is hard to be aware all the time."

The master nods knowingly and responds,

"Yes, Grasshopper. But the greatest of mountains can be climbed once you take that first step."

---------------------

Situation 2 -
Jack, a surly teenager boy with an attitude, has been forced into a meditation course he needs to pass in order to graduate. He chews gum in class, loudly popping bubbles. He routinely text messages beneath his desk. He drums his fingers during the quiet sessions.

The teacher is giving an important talk on the history of meditation, and most students are paying attention - but Jack is busy cyber-bullying his ex girlfriend. He has just finished hitting the SEND button when the teacher calls on him. Jack looks up with a hostile glance, hiding his phone. His teacher holds his gaze.

"Jack, are you aware of what I just asked you?"

Jack's look becomes more surly.

"Yeah, well, it's hard to be aware ALL the time."

-----------------------------

I think if you are stating something as a factor to be aware of when planning out your goals - like "it is currently hard for me to touch my toes" - that it is an important thing to know and take into account. If you are stating it to be contrary or make excuses, as in

"Lisa, now touch your toes and hold for five minutes"

(Lisa, not even trying to bend)

"What, are you joking? There's no way I can touch my toes!!!"

then that isn't quite the same smile
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/11/08 01:31 AM

Jill - on the Dan barging in, I think that gets into the emotional leeching we were talking about earlier. It is really hard to maintain a positive happy attitude if someone else around you is actively dragging you down. Which is hard when you're living with someone smile

But for example I told Bob about my quest, and this morning he woke me up at 2pm with a really happy attitude, woke me with my glowy sun-lamp, brought me up my chocolate shake and so on. So he was doing his best to keep our home attitude upbeat. That really makes a HUGE difference!

Then later when we were heading out to the cable company, he was already getting surly as we left. So just the fact that he knew we were "going to have to complain" got him surly. So then he snapped at me for not moving quickly enough, and I told him he sounded like Archie Bunker. So it really goes to show how just in the space of an hour the "emotional dynamics" of a home can change based on how one person is reacting to a situation.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/11/08 01:32 AM

Oh and also I definitely agree that a separate work area is KEY. When I work on my laptop in the living room I am interrupted constantly - but when I am in my office (even though it's just the next room over) I am pretty much left alone 100%.
Posted By: Jilly

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/11/08 02:37 AM

I like that, Lisa. Great argument; I bow to your superior logic. grin Tone and intent is the answer.

And limpid eyes. smile
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/11/08 07:01 AM

Well part of what makes the tone clear to me is that Bob is from New York and will sometimes say things in a very "Archie Bunker" type of demeaning voice. And to people around here, that will come across extremely poorly. To him, he's just saying something. So the tone is really important in how something is perceived.

So it could just be that Dan is sensitive to tone too - and is taking on a meaning you don't mean. So sometimes just changing your tone is what changes the perceived meaning of what is said.

That's part of what makes email so hard to read sometimes, you assume a tone which is maybe not anything like what the typer meant smile
Posted By: Jilly

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/11/08 07:41 AM

Huh. Tell Bob i am from New York as well. Born and raised in NY for my first 17 years, plus I am Italian and Jewish. All outspoken and opinionated! Does it GET any worse? I feel like I am always working on my tone. smile

So, yeah, I get misunderstood all the time. And I also don't "get" people who are not as outspoken as I was raised to be. It's been tough to fit in outside NY. smile

And with Dan from The South, there are for sure some issues between what is just talking, and what is complaining. For example, when Seinfeld and George go off, I think it's just fun talk. Dan would say it's complaining. I think where he is from, everyone is more genteel and keeps things inside (which i consider a bit cowardly and for sure unhealthy).

And this is all in one country! I guess it's no wonder why there are wars. frown
Posted By: Alexandra

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/11/08 11:11 AM

I swear I'd go utterly nuts if it wasn't for my Qi Gong Martial Arts! It's passive, like Tai Chi, but even more calming!
I teach it every week, and though the class is small, that's the way we all love it. it gives the class a closeness, and energetic intimacy that is lost when there are lots of participants!

I wouldn't be without it!

*levitates cross-legged*

"Ohmmmmmmmmmmm"...!! grin
Posted By: k2y

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/11/08 06:24 PM

That is quite a challenge you proposed, Lisa!

I am always one to think and talk about staying positive but actually practicing it on a regular basis is so much more difficult than it sounds.

Just last month, I had attempted to go only one day without complaining but I must admit that it wasn't much of a success. But I'm always up for a challenge and I definitely see how not complaining can open up more room for positive energy flow so I'm going to give it another go and see what happens.

Good luck to everyone else on this mission and I'll be sure to keep you posted!
Posted By: WestCoastDenise

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/11/08 07:22 PM

Yes, Lisa, this is a great idea. There should be a No Complain Holiday every year for everyone in the country.

I will start tomorrow because I may have already complained at some time today.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/13/08 12:17 AM

I was trying to think if I complained when I was with Jeanne, so I'll count from after that. So I think I am good for a day so far smile

Bob did yell at a person who literally rode beside us the entire time we tried to merge onto a highway even though he sped up and slowed down - so he waved a hand at them in exasperation and they gave us a finger (I guess for not slamming on the brakes or something). I gently reminded him we were supposed to be working on not complaining and I doubted his waving around would qualify smile But I was careful not to complain about his behavior, but only to point it out as something to work on smile

We actually got a lot done today - we dropped off an old monitor at a recycle place, dropped off all our cardboard and paper, and I raked half the yard! So I'm feeling positive smile
Posted By: Jilly

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/13/08 04:02 AM

Argh. i don't think i can do this for even a day. [insert sound of loud venting and stomping around]

maybe for someone who grew up in NY this is nigh impossible [now insert excuses].....grrrrrrr
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/13/08 05:58 AM

he he he

well every month starts with one day - and every day starts with one hour!

Get Dan on board to help you - it won't work well if he is actively undermining your attempts to be content smile
Posted By: Jennifer_T

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/13/08 06:41 AM

As far as defining what complaining is in order to stop it, maybe it's not even necessary to define it at all. I think that cultivating an attitude of gratefulness helps to free us from focusing on our percieved complaints. Maybe through a month of gratefulness, we could all stop complaining : )
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/15/08 03:09 AM

Well so far I'm definitely becoming more mindful each day of the things I say, and have several times now said something and then thought (or even said) "is that a complaint?" I think I'm doing well so far!

Jill I was thinking of your growing up in NY with ethnically fiery lines. That can be a challenge! But think of all the people who overcome childhood difficulties to be stronger adults. You will appreciate your new calm even more, because you came from such a wound-up childhood! smile
Posted By: Jilly

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/15/08 05:18 AM

hmmm. I am thinking abut what you are saying. it might take a while to articulate how I am feeling. smile
Posted By: Alexandra

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/15/08 07:13 AM

Yes...me too.... It certainly has focussed the attention. I wuill admit I have not beem 100% successful, but it does concentrate the mind wonderfully. Very difficult to do when one's partner doesn't 'play he game' though.... and he's very anti- everything.... Truly. He's hard work.
Hates people, hates crowds, doesn't suffer fools gladly... has lots of issues.... oh well.....*sigh and smile!*

I also think Gennifer's take on cultivating genuine and perceptive Gratitude for all the things that come our way, is a good pointer..... Whatever it is, it teaches us something....

*Edit note: I meant Jennifer, not Gennifer!*
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/15/08 07:37 AM

Alexandra - OK I wrote a tome of content. I'm going to post it in a separate thread though, about dealing with partners who aren't quite in tune with you, since I think that's something most of us face smile

Jilly - I grew up with a shouting, borderline abusive stepfather and a very fiery mother. So I am definitely interested in hearing your take on "enthusiastic childhoods" smile
Posted By: Jilly

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/17/08 01:29 AM

Still thinking on this. smile
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/19/08 02:04 AM

Well, I really think I am going quite well on my non-complaining. Today was a challenge - we took our first bike ride on our new bikes and I faced several issues. Road bikes are much taller than mountain bikes so I felt VERY unsteady. The brakes were in a completely different location, where I can't easily reach them. My gloves were new and hurt my hands immensely. Bob was very understanding and nursed me through it all. I tried to express issues gently. For example I had to tell him my hands hurt - so we could plan the distance on our trip properly - but I wasn't whining about it. In fact he offered to turn back early and I said we could finish the trail, that it was getting better. And in fact it did get better.
Posted By: Alexandra

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/19/08 06:10 AM

"Turn it all into a positive" is sometimes a difficult, yet worthwhile exercise.... or at least to glean some advantage or enjoyment from the experience....Occasionally, being able to do so might be a great challenge in itself. The fact that you are making the effort to view the situation in a balanced way, may indeed, be the only thing of value!!
But your outing was a fruitful and enjoyable excursion for you in the end I hope.... so there in itself - to be out with Bob, on a healthy bike-ride - was an achievement... getting my partner to mount a bike may be more of a challenge..... grin
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/20/08 09:19 PM

Saturday was a ton of fun for me - we went out walking with friends in Old Sturbridge Village, a 1830s farming village and one of my favorite locations. It was so wonderful! And we had a wonderful lunch too.

Today I'm working on my laptop in my back yard, surrounded by my growing seedlings, the birds are out at my birdbath singing, and I am very relaxed. And I'm catching up on work and reviews!! So there isn't even a reason to complain smile

Alexandra - Bob would never really want to go to Old Sturbridge Village. So I deliberately cultivated other friends who have that sort of interest. No one person can be everything to you. If you seek out friends with different interests, it means you can have someone who enthusiastically wants to join you when you have a plan in mind for your day smile

Bob is off working at the bike shop today, which I highly encouraged him to do, which is great because he's learning more about bikes, which means we're more likely to go biking again smile
Posted By: Julie-Cleaning

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/20/08 11:06 PM

I'll do this, but I am going to try it one day at a time. Then at the end of a week I can be happy, then 2 weeks, and so on.

One thing I would love to get people I know to do is spend a month without saying they can't. It is wonderful to keep going until you DO instead of just assuming you can't.

And you know what? I CAN do the no-complaining thing. Each time I feel one coming on, I'll say something nice instead.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/20/08 11:27 PM

Yes I would definitely put the "I can't" into the complaining category. Although I have to caveat if someone says

"Can you go to dinner on Tuesday"

I can say

"I am afraid I have another appointment already"

and that is considered fine.

but if someone says

"Want to go walking with me on Saturday"

I should not say

"I can't walk"

smile
Posted By: Julie-Cleaning

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/21/08 01:19 PM

:-)

I'm thinking of a totally different can't.

Like...


"Could you please close that door?"

"I caaaan't, I am tired" or so on.

A certain person I know did this in front of me my whole life, thanks to their can'ts, I now refuse to believe that I can't. If that makes sense. So, maybe it is a good thing in some cases. So, no complaint about it, only a giving thanks that a lesson was learned!
Posted By: Alexandra

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/21/08 07:13 PM

I wanted to share a lovely little poem, I learnt when I was yet a child, and I have never forgotten it:

No more grumbling or sulking, or hating my state,
No more letting my troubles confound me,
But laughing - and loving
The friends all around me,
And soon, I shall find -
If I really keep trying -
I have enough blessings
to keep me from crying.


I think this is so lovely, it just sums up the tiny delights so available to us all, in our connectedness....
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/21/08 07:31 PM

Wow, if I'd said that as a child I would have been sent to my room smile I can't imagine saying that to someone as an adult!

I agree completely, that is just being lazy smile
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/21/08 07:33 PM

Alexandra - that is pretty! Did you write that? I can't find anything even remotely like it anywhere on the web smile
Posted By: Alexandra

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/21/08 09:56 PM

No, I didn't make it up... I read it in a book, but I really couldn't tell you any more than that. But it's just stayed with me.....
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/21/08 10:09 PM

That is so intriguing to me that such a cool poem could not be on Google. I guess I think of Google as having all knowledge smile I wonder where it might be from!

Today has been an easy no-complain day - I've been home alone working on catching up on things smile The sun is shining, the parakeets are fluffed up and snoozing! I'm having a nice glass of red wine and testing out some low-carb oatmeal raisin cookies. They are on the small-too-crunchy side, but that's not a complaint, it's a review smile
Posted By: Jilly

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/21/08 11:14 PM

well, as I am alone all day today I haven't had much chance to complain. So it's a good day and I've been very productive.

What is nice is that my last week i had three day with my family and Dan told me he was proud of how nice and calm and non-defensive I was with everyone. he said that was nice to see. usually my family gets my defensiveness kicking in.
Posted By: WestCoastDenise

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/22/08 03:21 PM

Hubby and I tried this beginning on the 11th. He asked me last night if we were still doing this. :-) I had to laugh, he is doing well at it, I said I needed to start over today.
Posted By: Angela P

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/22/08 03:33 PM

What a neat post - just found it! I'll try it, too.

But I have a question: Does it count if I rant in my private journal?

So far, nothing to complain about today. I work from home so I've experienced no traffic. My coffee is delicious, as was the English muffin/scrambled egg breakfast I made myself. The kitty is content, and I'm looking forward to shopping for my condo after work. Family's healthy and so am I.

Hmm! Time to get off the forum and get productive! (This board is so addicting) eek
Posted By: WestCoastDenise

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/22/08 03:48 PM

Great day you're having so far!
I suggest no ranting in the journal. That would just keep negative thoughts in your mind.

Good luck on finding a condo.
denise
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/29/08 05:25 AM

We were in fact talking about the "journal ranting / friend ranting" tonight. I would have to agree with Denise, that ranting is about spewing out negative energy and would not be healthy. But that being said - bottling up negative energy isn't healthy either!!

The key seems to be to explore things that are bothering you - but in a constructive way. So way that we had a situation with a waiter who was extremely inattentive at one of our dinners. We could have complained and ranted about him. Instead, we discussed if it was indeed "over the line" behavior on his part, and decided it was. Then we agreed that I would write a letter in to the restaurant - and also warn the hotel we're staying at that this restaurant they sent us to had this problem.

That way the issue is resolved, we feel the "release" from the resolution, and it is productively managed for the future. That is not a rant - but it is a solid solution that makes things better going forward. Now when we think about the meal we don't think negative or ranty thoughts. We feel content that we took the steps appropriate.

Tomorrow is going to be very challenging - Jeanne and I fly back home from DC. Air travel can be a challenge to peace and calm. We will see how it goes! Smoothly, I hope!
Posted By: Alexandra

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/29/08 10:50 AM

Well, to confess, this has not been an entirely 100% successful period - but It's been a constructive challenge...!
I have found that 10 minutes meditation to put myself into a completely positive frame of mind, first thing in the morning, has done wonders to mould my attituide during the day...
last thing at night, I put my earphones in, and fall asleep listening to a positive visualisation CD, and this, I am utterly convinced, has beneficially influenced my subconscious enormously...
I used to fall asleep listening to the newsnight report, "Today in Parliament" and the BBC World Service... talking about global problems as opposed to mere domestic ones! I used to wake up in a poor state of mind....
Not any more!

I recommend you try it just to test it out for yourselves....grin
Posted By: WestCoastDenise

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/29/08 02:59 PM

You guys sound like you solved your restaurant issue positively. I agree with you.

I think it is not a rant if one leaves the emotions out of the problem. If problems arise, say yes, this is a problem, how can it be solved, and move toward the selected solution. Now I'm not saying I'm great at this, but working on it. An old cowboy friend of mine is great at doing this and I learn by watching him.

Ok, breathing deep, clearing the air and starting this moment, I'm starting my month of no complaining again. This is just like dieting, a day (or minute) at a time.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/01/08 01:47 AM

Well, I managed to "just complain" today. I think it was some news article I read about someone doing something REALLY inane. And I turned to Bob and said something like "How in the world could she have done that? That has got to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard of ..." and as the words were coming out of my mouth I knew it was just a wild complaint / rant but it was too late. He looked at me and picked up on it right away.

I'll start again with tomorrow as day 1!

But in general I definitely think it has made me happier, to be more aware of what I'm saying and to think more about the words I use.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/04/08 05:58 PM

OK we're at the 4th and I *think* I've been good. Now, I did write a letter in to the restaurant we ate in DC where the server did a poor job. But I wrote it to let them know we had problems that they should probably fix if they want to have happy customers. I don't see that as a complaint. I see it as constructive feedback so they can improve. As "teachers" in this world, we often need to give constructive feedback so people can get better.
Posted By: Jilly

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/04/08 06:07 PM

DH and I just spent an hour together talking about this very subject and my efforts to monitor myself. We decided we have a fundamental difference in what we define as complaining.

He sees complaining as something actionable. I really don't understand where he is coming from with this. I just know that he takes all the fun out of venting when he feels like he should be doing something to fix my "complaint."

I told him that if he could adjust his thinking to see my 'default' mode as venting and not complaining, it would help our relationship going forward.

It's still a tough one.

I have decided, at least for myself, apart from the relationship, that I will see myself as complaining if I use negative words, rather than neutral words to describe something.

So, not a complaint:
The waiter was unpleasant

Definitely a complaint:
That waiter was a jerk!

What do people think?
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/04/08 06:36 PM

I definitely think progress is always good! If you grew up in a household that involved complaining, or developed that habit for any reason, it is SO hard to break it.

Just to give an example, which is NOT related to you but which is about venting in general. I had a friend who would go out to dinner and complain the whole time. To her it was "fun venting". To the rest of us, it was emotionally wearying. We wanted to talk about doing well on projects we were undertaking, to get ideas how to have success with them. To us, to go through rehashes of bad things that had happened was not how we wanted to spend our time.

I'm not sure that it helped her much either - because at the end of the evening she had not made any forward progress. She had spent all that time with us and the net result was only that she had talked negatively for several hours. In comparison, when the rest of us talked without her, we ended the meal with tons of great idea, inspiration, and were fired up for what we could do.

So I think long term that to use venting as your way of dealing with problems is sort of like using anger as a way of dealing with people you dislike. It only hurts you in the long term because it is your time and emotions that are being affected. But I also know that venting is a habit some people learn from their parents - and from years and years of repetition. So it's *really* hard to give that up.

So I would definitely say that if you go from "harsh venting" to "productive venting" that that is a very good thing! That is a huge step and will be hard enough to achieve.

To me, that would be a step towards "productive action" (vs venting). So for example I didn't come home and tell Bob all about the bad dinner we had, and how the waiter was. I mentioned we had one bad dinner, and tons of fun, and left it at that. Then I spent 10 minutes writing a letter to the restaurant, expressing our concern about that waiter. So it's handled, the letter will go out, and I move on to other projects.

That's just my opinion!
Posted By: Jilly

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/04/08 07:01 PM

I hear you but am not really ready to respond to it. I guess it depends on who the other person is. Remember, seinfeld? It was all venting. Fun venting. I am a new york girl who grew up with basically Jerry and George everywhere, and it was fun.

Flash forward, not in NY anymore - people who don't have this background are uncomfortable. So i try not to do it around them. I think I have come a long, long way. But that doesn't make fun venting less fun and it doesn't make it "bad", if done around others who are also Seinfeld-like. For example, spending a week with my mother is SUCH a relief and so much fun, because we both know the rules. We laugh and laugh and laugh til we cry because it's fun to make something out of nothing until it reaches the point of ridiculous. It's a strange phenomenon that I realize other people don't get unless they kinda grew up with it.

So while I have to actively patrol myself around my DH and most of humanity, it's so soothing to know I can laugh with my mother or my old NY friends in this Seinfeld manner. We know it means nothing. It's just being creative and silly.

Example:
Jill - "Why do all these dog walkers have flower-scented bags for dog poop? I never see these bags in the pet stores."

Mom - "maybe they buy them at the upscale dog poop store. maybe you need to join a club. Where can i get flower scented dog poop bags?"

Jill - "I don't think you are allowed in the upscale dog poop store until you've racked up enough frequent pooper-scooper miles with the Poop Club. You have to use boring, non-scented poop bags until you've proven your master skills in the poop scooping arena."

Cut to laughing.

Another scene, with the DH:

Jill - "Why do all these dog walkers have flower-scented bags for dog poop? I never see these bags in the pet stores."

Dan - "You can probably order them online."

Jill - "maybe you have to be special to get them, like in a club."

Dan - "I am sure they are online, all over the place. Why do you care?"

Jill - "maybe you have to join a pooper scooper club and prove your scooping kung-fu."

Dan - [frustrated] "what is wrong with you, we will order you some scented doggie bags!"

Jill - " I never said I wanted scented doggie bags. I just think they are funny."

Dan - "then what are you complaining about?"

Jill - "I am not complaining; I am just being cute and funny."

Dan - "It sounds like you are complaining and you want me to do something about it."

Jill - "arg! I am just talking!"

Fade to Black.

Posted By: BellaDeb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/04/08 07:32 PM

LOL! I love people I can do that stuff with, Jill, and I'm about as Southern as you can get outside of Alabama.

To me, it's being funny. My daughter and I went to the mall yesterday and we do that sort of thing all the time.

Cash register at Penney's. The circular one with four registers, three people checking people out.
We get in the shortest line behind the old couple she's checking out.

Short line Cashier to us: The line's over there. We're all pulling from that one line. (pointing to "the line" on the other side with some half-dozen people in it).

Kristen & me look at each other, roll eyes and start walking to "the line". (All our conversation is under our breath, to each other only.)

Kristen: "Oh, I'll just bet you do."

Me to Kristen: "Yep, and when you finish with the old people you can sneak away for a smoke break, Cashier of the Month."

A couple minutes later, party of four stands in front of the register for ages AFTER they are done, just chatting.

Kristen & I look at each other.

Kristen: "Let's move along, people."

Me: No, we're not in any hurry at all. Want a chair? Can we get you something to drink?"

Now, sometimes I even "play" with strangers, like with the Citizen's Arrest thing at the crosswalk in DC. Some play, some don't. It all makes me laugh, and that's my primary job! LOL



Posted By: BellaDeb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/04/08 07:33 PM

And, I happen to know the Scented Poop Scooper Bag Club membership is by invitation only. Very elite. You have to know someone and get the secret password from them.
Posted By: Jilly

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/04/08 07:41 PM

I KNEW it! But do i have to do the secret handshake? I don't want them to rub flower-scented poop on me.

heeheehee
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/04/08 07:57 PM

Hmmmm to me

"Why do all these dog walkers have flower-scented bags for dog poop? I never see these bags in the pet stores."

that's not venting. You're not upset with the dog walkers for having flower-scented bags. You're not complaining that they should not have them. You're making an observation about something unusual.

To me it'd be like saying

"that Ferengi drink holder has a clockwise spiral design in it, so the liquid spirals clockwise as it comes down towards your mouth. Do you think if they had them in Australia that they'd have to use counter-clockwise spirals to get it to work right?"

smile

Would he see the humor in that?
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/04/08 07:58 PM

I do have to admit that if there was a slow line and someone started saying "can we get you a chair? Want some drinks" that I can imagine at least half of the people getting ticked at the impatience being shown. I thought you southern people were supposed to be laid back and slow going? smile smile
Posted By: BellaDeb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/04/08 08:17 PM

Ha! Nope, we have "Type A" personalities here, too. We just sound sweeter when we're b****ing about stuff.

And, we were really only making fun of the fact that people are so wrapped up in themselves that they don't "get it" when they are just standing there, blocking the register, talking, when other people need to get to the register to check out. They weren't talking to the cashier, but to each other. They were done, time to go, move along.

Which is funny, but it's irritating that nobody has the slightest notion of courtesy to fellow shoppers. I'm sure we're all guilty of it from time to time.

I get really irritated when I'm trying to get to a store, walking down the mall walkway and people in front of me are "meandering", like five wide, blocking the whole darn path, stopping right in front of me to rearrange the kid in the stroller or something. Can't we get a slow lane for these people?

And, yet, I'll stop right in front of a jewelry store and gaze at the pretty sparklies.

So, I try to remember that people are probably just not aware and truly don't try to [censored] me off on purpose. It's just the human condition.
Posted By: BellaDeb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/04/08 08:22 PM

Jilly, I cannot divulge the secret handshake info. Let's just say it's not a handshake, but something more canine in nature. laugh
Posted By: Jilly

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/04/08 08:25 PM

Lisa, I am just pulling something out of my but. please go with me here. smile

I have had an amazing breakthrough with my little sketch. I am THRILLED. After I wrote it, i let out a litle whoop of joy and showed it to Dan.

He loved it and agreed that is EXACTLY our situation, that I had it to a tee. MAJOR MAJOR lights went on for him. I am so happy.

Do you see, no it's not a vent per se, but he would see me as "complaining" over the course of my trying to get him to play with me.

he promised to try to remember how irreverent I am and I promised to try to remember he takes me far more seriously than I might be thinking. So big yays for me. smile
Posted By: BellaDeb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/04/08 08:27 PM

Part of it is probably the "man" thing, too, Jilly. Bless their hearts, they always want to "fix" things for us.
Posted By: Jilly

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/04/08 08:33 PM

Yes, true, Deb.

Lisa, here is precisely how this would go with Dan and the Ferengi straws:

Jill - "that Ferengi drink holder has a clockwise spiral design in it, so the liquid spirals clockwise as it comes down towards your mouth. Do you think if they had them in Australia that they'd have to use counter-clockwise spirals to get it to work right?"

Dan - "actually that is a myth about how things go counterclockwise in Australia."

Jill - "but if you were on Fereginar, then it might not work and you'd have a big scene full of angry Cardassian patrons with faces full of romulan ale. They would have to ask the Klingon bouncers to step in before an interstellar war erupted!"

Dan - "I don't think you would have a situation where the straw would back up. According to the Wickipedia, the coreolis effect would actually blah blah blah blah blah."

Jill - "You know, you are a Vulcan."

Not that we are even talking about complaining in this particular scenario, but darn how do i get him to just PLAY with me and not CORRECT me? smile

Posted By: Jilly

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/04/08 08:38 PM

Deb, about the "handshake," that really does make sense in a doggy universe. And explains why i cannot find flower scented doggie poop bags.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/04/08 09:25 PM

Jilly - that is awesome that you had the breakthough! I don't see the Ferengi situation at *all* to be venting or complaining. It is observing something funny. So if he would not "get" that you were joking / observing in that situation, I would count that under "humor impairment".

Not to say Mensa is special, but at Mensa meetings people are doing that kind quirky discussion ALL the time and we love it. It is brain stretching. It's finding the odd connections between things. It's odd but I've never had anyone "not get it" at a Mensa meeting. Maybe we self select for oddballs smile But that is pretty much exactly how Mensa hang-outs go. That and really silly puns smile

So again I agree 100%, that is NOT venting. You're not complaining about something wrong. You're making a fun observation.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/04/08 09:28 PM

I suppose when people are slow and talking I remind myself that that IS their purpose to be there - to slowly talk and amble along. They're not in a rush - if they rushed, they'd just leave more quickly and they don't want to leave! They want to spend a few hours at the mall. So to me that would be like me getting upset with an elderly couple for walking slowly - when that is what they want to do.

That's the perfect time for a tree pose, to pass the time until the lane clears smile
Posted By: Alexandra

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/04/08 09:50 PM

No, but it involves [censored]-sniffing...
or was that tooooo much information....? :lol:!!

EDIT NOTE:
DANG!! I did it again!!
Answered the last post on the previous page!!
Jill, the secret handshake.. pooey-smelly fingers!
I sound like a real idiot!!

(that's because I am a real idiot... no imitations here, the genuine article!)
Sorry ladies!
Posted By: Jilly

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/05/08 04:59 PM

Okay, blew it already. I have already complained that planes are germ farms and that I am sick of being sick.

But it felt good to get that off my chest. That and all the phlegm. smile
Posted By: Jilly

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/05/08 05:06 PM

Lisa, it sounds like Mensa is my kind of oddball people.

I did show my Ferengi sketch thing to Dan and he does agree it's funny when you look at my interpretation of his responses to things. That is really how we talk. It's like people having two different conversations and then we just get frustrated. And frustration leads to anger. And Anger leads to the Dark Side. And so on.

This has been very enlightening for both of us, my doing this 'no complain' effort.

Maybe someday one month will be in my grasp. Maybe someday two days will be in my grasp. heehee. Gots to keep your sense of humor.
Posted By: Jilly

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/05/08 05:08 PM

Alexandra, I too, am a genuine idiot. No hydrogenated, pre-processed idiocy here!
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/06/08 01:05 AM

Jilly that is so great that you're figuring things out! Sometimes you can really think you're communicating but then a light bulb comes on and you say OHHHHH!!!!!

It's like today I was at the bike shop with Bob and the bike shop owner. Bob has known the bike shop owner - Jerry - for maybe 20 years, so longer than he's been with me. They know each other up and down and sideways.

But we were all looking at this new bike rack we had, which connects to the back of the car. Jerry was asking how the bike rack fit into the hitch, how you knew when it was seated properly. Bob started on some sort of esoteric description of alignments and holding pins and such.

Then I said, "I laid down with my head underneath the bumper, and as Bob slid the hitch connector, I could see when the holes lined up."

Jerry pointed at me and said "SHE answers the question that I was asking!"

So even though Bob and Jerry have known each other for decades, sometimes you still just don't quite speak the same language. Bob thought he was answering what Jerry asked - but Jerry didn't understand what Bob was saying.
Posted By: Jilly

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/14/08 09:47 PM

Yes, we all have different mental maps. And we all think ours are the right ones. lol

I guess we should celebrate that we all communicate as well as we do, when we are at our best.

In most of life, we tend to self-select our companions for those with mental maps like our own? To me, it's like a menu. If I like most things on the menu, I will eat at the restaurant. Those people with the most menu stuff I like can become close friends.

The menu that only has one thing i like on it might be like a certain kind of friend - like a tennis buddy kind of thing.

Along these lines, I am not going to be looking for friends who "do not complain" as such. But I will also try to steer clear of energy-sucking conversations in general. smile
Posted By: Jilly

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/16/08 05:31 AM

If i complain about something in my mind but don't say it, does that count?
Posted By: Alexandra

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/16/08 07:13 AM

well, I was about to say that it depends...
But as we're on the Buddhist forum, then I think, yes it does, in relation to your Kamma.....

If you think about complaining about something...
"Drn it! I hate these shorts! They make me look like a potato-head!" isn't so bad... and we can check that thought before we say it... saved by the bell!!

But if we're thinking along the lines of cursing someone specific, or being unkind, mental states also accrue Kammic consequences... That's why Right View, or right Understanding is the primary First Virtue on the Eightfold Path. It's about harnessing our Mind-patterns and training them to be...
good dogs, instead of wayward puppies chewing their way through the house....!
We may not always be successful...(there goes the remote!) but catching them (the thoughts) young, before they grow too big (become spoken) is by far the best way to go...!
And thought Kamma is obviously not as bad as spoken kamma....

Negative Thought kamma = slap on the wrist...
Negative Verbal Kamma = slap upside de head...
Negative Action Kamma = sparked out with a southpaw uppercut...! laugh laugh

It has to be remembered that you have to also be Mindful of the Intention of the thought...
The worse the Intention in the thought, the worse the kamma...

For example (and obviously, it doesn't apply here...)
If someone is deeply angry, and thinks: "I am going to give that dirty rotten SOB a piece of my mind...
That's better than -
"You wait until I have my hands on that dirty rotten SOB - I'm gonna give him such a beating...."

Is better than -
"He'd better keep out of my way. If I see him again, I'm gonna kill him, no sh1-t...."

It's an extreme example, but you see how the Intention has got progressively worse....

The provocation might be identical in all three scenarios... so the 'understanding' of what has happened, may not have changed...
But the Intention has...

Does any of this make sense....?
Posted By: Jilly

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/16/08 08:23 AM

Hmmm. Yes. Let me ponder.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/19/08 07:52 AM

Right I think it's a learning process.

For example if you go around thinking "I hate old people! Old people are so slow! I don't want to look at old people!" then on one hand yes it's better to think that than to say it. But on the other hand, if you allow yourself to focus on such negative thoughts all the time, and build them up, then 1) it's likely they will slip out sometime and 2) it wears you down inside. There are so many better things to fill your mind and world with, rather than relishing anger ...

But yes it's not easy - and it's a daily thing to think about.
Posted By: Jilly

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/23/08 07:32 PM

Well in mind I just thought a rude thing: about someone who used to be a friend sending me group emails (to everyone she knows) soliciting funds for a half-marathon she wants to run to support a health charity. In Alaska. She wants us to help pay her way to alaska and support her time there so she can do the run.

I can support my own charities and I am not fond of her solicitations. So my mind went, "dream on girl,"...does this fall under a complaint? Or just a rude thought? I don't usually think rude things about people but this person really hurt me in the past. I am certainly not going to help her cause.

Would a real Buddhist send her some support just to put positive energy into a negative mind suck (not for her, but for me, to add kind karma to a personally hurtful situation)?

And am i complaining?
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/23/08 08:02 PM

I think it's fair to be frustrated by someone who keeps asking for you to pay her way on trips. It's one thing if she was running a local marathon. It's another to ask "send me to Paris so I can do some running there". That's just not right.

You don't need to be happy when someone tries to take advantage of you like that, which is what I would term it. Maybe you should create a filter which puts those messages into a folder, that way you don't have to read them but if someone later says "Oh did you read that important message by xxxxx" you can go find it and see what it said.

This is an iffy area for me - supporting someone who is selfish - and I am going to post about it separately since it's come up in two different books I've just read.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/23/08 08:06 PM

Relating to complaining, my mom is planning a dinner this weekend. She's sent me at least four separate email messages complaining about the other attendees' lack of culinary breadth. One person doesn't like X food. Another person doesn't like Y food. This is a hardship on her, to have to deal with these constraints. It is casting a negative pall over the entire dinner - and it hasn't even begun yet! Surely she can find something tasty to serve that we all like. We're not talking about these people saying "I will not eat any meat - nor any green veggies either!" They have certain foods they don't like, just like we all do. I am really tempted to say "just why does this bother you so much?" but I am letting it slide. She's known these people for 40 or more years so it's not like they suddenly got this way ...

My mom has plenty of other friends with more broad tastes so it's not that she has nobody else to cook for. She has a lot of outlet for her culinary talents. If we just had spaghetti-and-meatballs with these friends, I'm sure they'd be quite happy, and we'd have a lovely evening. They are coming for the company, not the food.

Hmmmm maybe I *will* write my mom and ask her - just to see what she says ... maybe she doesn't realize just how much this is bugging her, that she is writing me repeatedly about it ...
Posted By: Chelle - Marriage Editor

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/24/08 01:13 AM

Jilly,

I think it would be complaining if you DID send her the money and were negative about it anyway.

I think this way you are just stating your honest opinion.
Posted By: Jilly

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/24/08 02:44 AM

Hmmmm. That's what i was thinking too, 'why should i pay for her vacation to Alaska?' There are plenty of runs she can do locally, runs that also support charities.

I think it's a little ballsy to be placing this on her family, friends and ex-friends, but STILL my thoughts here are not being charitable.

And by writing about it here, I would say I am venting. frown

So, just trying to come to a definition of a complaint-free day. Stating, venting, complaining, whining...I need to sit down and decide in my own mind what constitutes, for me, a complaint-free day, whether i state the 'complaint' aloud or not. smile
Posted By: Alexandra

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/24/08 06:36 AM

It is interesting that you asked the question, "Would a real Buddhist...." because of course, the whole of your attitude, action and reaction hinges upon this very question, this very point....
And I think this is where you have to make the distinction.
"Yes, but I'M not a 'real' Buddhist...." gives you a leeway to act in a less 'Buddhist' way....

But then, let's see... what would a 'real' Buddhist do...?

Let's go back to square one, and simplify.
Our purpose in life, as Buddhists, is to recognise that Suffering exists, we recognise the source and origin of suffering, and we strive to eliminate suffering.
We do this by Studying the 4 Noble Truths, The Eightfold Path, and the Five Precepts.
we develop Compassion, Loving Kindness, Equanimity and Sympathetic Joy. The 4 Sublime states.

Is your friend suffering?
No, not on the face of it. She seems quite happy to be doing this, launching this project, and feels or hopes she can count on the support of her family and friends to help her make this dream a reality for her.

But - is she 'Suffering'?
Yes, of course.
She is attached to an external idea, an object of desire that she feels will bring her happiness, but will of course, as it is a temporary and transitory phenomenon, bring its own set of problems, and will eventually end. (By the way - What is NOT 'a temporary and transitory phenomenon'....?)
Furthermore, she is not considering the feelings, sensibilities and practical, financial constraints her friends and family may find themselves in.
She may be behaving in such a manner as to imply that whatever anyone else may have going on, this is more important, and they really should support her....

AS a Buddhist then, we are faced with a situation that in the end, brings us to the pinpoint question:
What is the selfless Compassionate thing to do?

The thing is to not focus on what our action would bring us, Kammically. This is already evaluating a situation in an effort to make it advantageous to us... which in a way, defeats the object...
It is also not our place to consider what the episode is doing to your friend's Kamma.

The focus therefore, would be better concentrated on the sheer, pure and simple act of giving, itself.
No Agenda.

Can I afford this?
If the answer is - "Maybe 5 dollars" then just look upon the act of sending 5 dollars.
Just the act.
No matter who sends it, or to whom.Put it in an envelope, and post it. Just that.
If you cannot afford it, and feel you need to channel your finances in another direction, that's fine.
Send a note, responding that you 'no can do', but that you wish her very good luck with her project, and a successful and safe experience.

But strip away the ego, self-righteousness, indignation, resentment and hostility.
They are no good for the developping Pilgrim....whatever their destination.
Excess baggage.
Not required on voyage.

That's what a 'real' Buddhist woould do.
Posted By: Jilly

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/24/08 07:18 AM

Alexandra, this is not my friend.

And I feel a little attacked here. I am opening up some seriously private thoughts here. Because I trust this forum and want to improve myself. This isn't normally the kind of stuff I would share.

I really should know better than to ask these kinds of things publicly. I am too fragile for this.
Posted By: Alexandra

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/24/08 10:03 AM

Jill, really, I don't know what to say...
My response was not intended as a personal attack or a reproach...
was merely addressing your question as to what a 'real' Buddhist would do...and even that was really from a classic perspective...
I'm not quite sure where I went off track....My comments were a general scenario, they weren't intended to point a finger or remonstrate.
It's a buddhist forum. you made a valid and salient point on what a Buddhist would do. I merely answered that point from that perspective.
How I have managed to offend or upset you through that response, I don't know.
Please tell me what I have said that I might have misphrased and made sound like an 'attack'...
Posted By: Jilly

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/25/08 10:23 PM

I am sorry, Alexandra. I am having a very emotional menstration right now and I think I took offense at nothing. So no worries. smile
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/25/08 10:32 PM

We are all sending you virtual hugs, Jilly smile

Hug! Hug! Hug smile smile smile smile smile

I think I agree with a lot of what Alexandra said about the ultimate Buddhist goal. I also think it is VERY hard to achieve. I would feel upset with a person - friend or otherwise - who tried to pressure people into paying for her trips to Alaska.
Posted By: Alexandra

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/26/08 07:20 AM

I'm sorry to hear that Jilly....
It's a real bummer... I've searched the suttas and the teachings from top to bottom, and I can't find that bit about it being OK to kick the dog, or slap the OH up de head, during periods, anywhere....

Chin up honey.
I'm sorry if I hit a nerve...You know I would never do anything like that intentionally....
I have other comments I would add, but I don't want them to be mis-construed, and I'd like to be mindful of how I write and communicate - so please tell me when you feel happy to continue the discussion.
I really don't want to cause you emotional upset, truly I don't....
I'm just adding different perspectives as the discussion progresses....

With much metta XX
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 06/14/08 06:16 AM

I did end up getting the "do not complain" book, so I'll read it and write it up!
Posted By: Jilly

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 06/14/08 06:41 PM

Alexandra I am feeling better if you want to continue the discussion. Thank you for your kindness.
Posted By: Jilly

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 06/14/08 06:41 PM

Lisa I will be excited to hear about the book. Maybe I should see if my library has it. what is the title?
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 06/18/08 04:34 AM

The actual full title is

A Complaint Free World
Will Bowen

Also in "The Power of Now" that author talks explicitly about not complaining. He says by all means speak out for yourself! Speak up if you have poor service. But do not COMPLAIN about the poor service. Address the issue calmly and productively.

Speaking of which, I did get a response from Stoney's, the restaurant in DC where we had bad service and I wrote them a letter. They apologized for the problems we had and said they were taking steps to ensure the waiters were more attentive in the future. So I imagine that got better results overall for the restaurant than if we'd harassed the waiter smile
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/18/13 02:14 PM

I finally tracked this thread down because I finished "Orderly Chaos" (a book on Buddhism) and this came to mind. I wanted to focus on this again. I do think I "complain" far less in general but it's always good to focus on it every once in a while! Also with my poison ivy I have been itchy and a bit grumpy. So it would be good to be more aware of that.

I already complained to Bob today because our washing machine has been broken for over 2 years and he still hasn't fixed it. Nearly every time we run it it beeps and beeps and we have to go restart it a bunch of times. It's like water torture. I want to just fix it or replace it or *something*. It bugs me that he hasn't done anything. It's in "his hands". Obviously just complaining isn't working smile. So I need to just do something myself.

OK I just talked with him and he says he'll get parts tomorrow. So progress. See, much better than complaining! smile.

So I'm starting from NOW. Interestingly we did this almost exactly five years ago - within only a few days - so it's a good five year cycle project to do!
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/18/13 07:36 PM

I'm doing fairly well today. Yes, I did complain a few times. But I'm being more aware of when I'm doing it. And often I'm complaining about silly things. For example, I normally don't drink sparkling water. Bob brought me some home to test. I tried to open it carefully, but it bubbled over. I didn't bother to clear up the puddle because I was racing to get other things done. Then I went back into the kitchen and of course I stepped in the puddle with my sock smile. Clearly my own fault. And I complained about it! Silly me. Why should I be stressed about something like that? My energy is much more precious than that.

So I started fresh from that point smile So I think I've gone maybe ... one hour? smile
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/19/13 03:50 PM

Starting fresh today. So far it's going well. Things are fairly quiet here, Bob is off playing golf, so it's me, the cat, and the parakeet. Laundry is running, dishwasher is running, Scooba is cleaning the kitchen floor, so lots getting done.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/19/13 07:15 PM

Bob just got home from golf, and already I've complained. Ah well, have to restart my no-complaining counter from now.

I feel instigated into it, but clearly I have control over my own brain smile.

I spent all day long quadruple tasking and doing laundry, washing dishes, washing the kitchen floor, scrubbing the kitchen to prepare for my juicing videos, plus doing all the newsletter work. And Bob was off playing golf all day.

So he comes in the door and I say "welcome home!"

And he grumps, "Jeez, that's not much of a welcome. You didn't come open the door for me."

At which point I got a bit cranky smile.

But after my brief crank, I pointed out how hard I'd been working and that all I wanted was for him to come home and appreciate my efforts, rather than complaining at me right away.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/20/13 02:10 PM

Starting a fresh day of no-complaining! Let's see if I can make it through just this one day smile. So far so good!
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/21/13 05:06 PM

I didn't make it through yesterday smile. It was Bob's fault again. But really of course it was mine.

Today my no-complaint day had a minor hiccup midday but is going smoothly since then smile At a lovely lunch with my family, I drank all my water. I asked the waitress for another one. And waited. And waited. I got fairly thirsty. So I asked my Dad if I could have his, since he wasn't drinking his. Someone at the table commented, 'hadn't you asked for a fresh glass of water?' And I said, "Yes, I asked a while ago, and she never brought it." I realized that that sounded sort of grumpy so I added "not that I'm complaining" - but really, there was a hint of a whine in there smile. So I will own up to that.
Posted By: Lori-Dreams

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/21/13 06:03 PM

This thread got me thinking and now when I open my mouth to air some discontent with something, I ask myself, "What can I do differently to affect change?"

If I keep doing what I'm doing, I'll keep getting what I'm getting. To expect things to change without changing anything is dumb.

So now, I ask myself what can I do differently?

About your post above, Lisa, in a restaurant situation, I always give benefit of the doubt to the server as he/she can get busy and forgetful. It isn't complaining to repeat your request. It isn't complaining to notify the manager that one of his/her servers needs to up his game.

To me, complaining is whining, yes, but just going on and on without doing anything about the situation. Gosh, I hate that.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/21/13 07:26 PM

Lori -

Oh definitely if she had come by I would have gently reminded her. She vanished though smile. So I had to just sit there and wait, or get up and hunt her down, which I wasn't quite at the point of doing yet. It was easier just to steal my Dad's.
Posted By: Lori-Dreams

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/21/13 09:02 PM

And that's what I usually do as well: Drink someone else's water since it isn't being drunk anyway!

I really need to define for myself what is complaining since not liking something or not being happy with something (as in your server's not bringing your drink) isn't really complaining, is it?
Posted By: Lori-Dreams

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/22/13 10:47 AM

Lisa, I didn't mean to imply that you were complaining or whining about the server not bringing your water! In fact, I don't think it is complaining not to be happy with a situation.

To me, complaining is going on and on about it.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/22/13 10:57 AM

Dear Lori -

I understand that you feel it wasn't complaining smile.

To me, it is complaining to say something petulantly. I want to remove that negative energy from my life.

There wasn't any need for me to say it petulantly. I had my father's glass of water, I was fine, and life was OK. Yes, the waitress was poorly serving us, but I can handle that in the tip. I don't have to "sour" the table's mood too!
Posted By: Lori-Dreams

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/22/13 11:08 AM

Wow, you have really high standards, Lisa! smile

You made me think even more about this. I would like to remove all negativity from my life, too. I find that I do feel negative feelings (anger, frustration, impatience, disappointment) more than I would like.

I honestly believe that I am a positive person by nature but in reality, there are far too many "un-positive" feelings that leak out occasionally.

It's funny how we see ourselves. It is good to do some honest self-reflection.

It really is moving towards a more peaceful inner self to remove all negative energy. It begins with our thoughts.

I see how saying something petulantly is a sign of inner discontent.

Wow. How enlightening for me this morning. You really do make me a better person. Thank you. smile
Posted By: Lori-Dreams

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/22/13 12:05 PM

Ok so I need some help here:

Trying not to feel negative about one of our little chis bringing some poop under my desk--to eat it. I smelled something awful and looked down. ugh. REALLY?!?!

It's gone now. Lysol took care of the smell. He's just a puppy. We clean up twice a day so how this one got missed, I don't know. He gets sufficient meat in his diet and doesn't need this.

{{{Breathe in, breathe out.}}} Ok, minor, fleeting...
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/22/13 12:14 PM

Lori -

Hmmm here's an intriguing article on puppies eating poop -
WebMD on Puppies Eating Poop

So if he's under a year, then it sounds like a mischievous, fun part of having a puppy. Think of your pup as a little rascal trying to tease you smile. And see, it's clean again!
Posted By: Lori-Dreams

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/22/13 01:51 PM

I get the mischievous. Just not the fun part. Otherwise, I'd like more fun. But it's POO! It's POO!
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/22/13 05:34 PM

Ah but poo is just squished up food smile. It's nothing odd or unnatural. We all do it!
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/22/13 05:36 PM

So far today is going smoothly! I even raced to get a special origami order of 100 peace doves to the post office by their 6pm cut-off and all the lights were green in my favor, and there was no line at all. The Peace Gods are with me today smile

I may go an entire day without complaining, and with a smile!
Posted By: Lori-Dreams

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/22/13 09:32 PM

Congrats, Lisa! How awesome is that? Great job!

A hundred peace doves. You are a woman of many talents. smile
Posted By: Lori-Dreams

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/22/13 10:10 PM

Originally Posted By: Lisa LowCarb / VideoGames
Ah but poo is just squished up food smile. It's nothing odd or unnatural. We all do it!



LOL. But would you want to eat this squished up food? Food is edible. Poo is smelly and bacteria-ridden. Wait, that could also be said of some types of cheese.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/22/13 10:21 PM

See, exactly Lori, it's all how you think about it. And apparently mommy dogs do eat the poo to keep their babies clean. So it's a natural part of life.

Your puppy will grow out of it, and then you won't have to worry about it any more!

It's nearly the end of the day and I haven't complained once. Hurrah! One day at a time!
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/23/13 01:33 PM

My no-complain-project yesterday *almost* made it through a day! I was fine until the very end. I was fine through Game of Thrones. Then there was only watching Castle, and bed. It was all the food commercials during Castle which did me in, I finally complained about them smile Yes we were on a DVR but I still had to see them while fast-forwarding. They were causing unnecessary, bizarre cravings smile

Today is a fresh start!
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/24/13 12:56 PM

I have achieved Day 2 of my no-complaining project! Yesterday was a victory! Bob fast-forwarded through commercials for me, to hep out smile It turns out the "triggers" for the past three days had all been food / thirst related, so I am being more attentive about those things. So we'll see how Day 2 goes! So far so good smile
Posted By: Lori-Dreams

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/24/13 01:02 PM

Last night, I complained--big time--to my kids about leaving piles of dirty laundry in their rooms. They are adults. I am willing to do their laundry. All I ask is that they bring it downstairs.

It is very disheartening to think I have the house pulled together only to go upstairs to see piles of dirty laundry. ugh.

We have discussed this with them over and over and over again. My son believes he is far too busy with work to deal with this. Really? He comes downstairs every day. Can't he bring his laundry? I'd settle for him throwing it over the banister!

My daughter is home all day with me and she spends a lot of time in her bedroom. How can she live with all that dirty laundry?

Uh no. Now I've gone and complained in this forum.

I keep telling my husband that if I keep doing what I'm doing, I'll keep getting what I'm getting. Something needs to change or nothing will change.

What are my options? Kicking them out? Not an option. Having them do their own laundry? Tried that and they'll keep piling it up.

HELP!
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/25/13 10:43 AM

No complaining project - now on 3rd sequential day. Should be a beautiful day of daffodils and sunshine! Enjoying my morning kiwi shake.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/25/13 10:46 AM

Lori -

I agree that your current method doesn't seem like it's working. People don't tend to react well to "punishment" styles of motivation. It doesn't stick enough.

If their laundry is in their own rooms, I say you make them close their doors. Their rooms are their domains. Those are the only areas they control. It is their one refuge. Their one sanctuary. Treat it as a separate country. They need to keep their doors closed on their country. The rest of your house is the way you want it. You can even put a fun sign on their door saying it's their own country smile.

Let their country be the way they want it to be - it's the only space that is wholly theirs.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/25/13 07:20 PM

The USPS delayed the delivery of my priority-mail origami doves and now they won't get there for the peace conference. The USPS said too bad. I was already practicing patience using their automated phone system, which is atrocious, and then the customer service rep wasn't much better. But I did not "complain" - I stated clearly my issue and why their system and response did not match my expectations. They need to know that, maybe someone actually tallies those up. I can always dream.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/26/13 06:32 PM

Today is the 4th Sequential Day of the current "round" in my no-complain project. I need to think of a better way to describe that. I.e. if I complain I start fresh on Day 1. What would that be termed? If I just say Day 1 it sounds like I just began - but that's not it.

In any case, yesterday had a spot or two where I could have complained, and I made a conscious effort to instead express my feelings in a supportive / informative way. So I am content with that.

So far today had a huge potential trigger - my camera's memory card failed on me and lost multiple days worth of files. Including all the daffodil videos I painstakingly took yesterday. But I did not complain or get upset. I have faith that software can recover most / all of them. Plus I had been *told* by my digital photography instructor at the beginning of the class to regularly reformat all my camera memory cards, to prevent this from happening, and I ignored him. So this could have been prevented. I tried a number of free software options but they want me to pay $40 to $70 to actually get the files. So Bob will look into this for me when he gets home.

I had a friend Debi over for a little while, and that was lovely. And we planted some more snow peas, and rinsed our bean sprouts, and I've had two veggie shakes. So all in all even with its hiccups the day is moving along nicely.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/27/13 02:55 PM

No Complaining Project - Reboot 5 Day 5 - a sunny delightful day, I'm mixing up hummingbird nectar. I haven't seen one yet, but I'm hopeful!
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/27/13 04:38 PM

oops! Just complained about a scheduling snafu. My mom tried to schedule my graduation party on the day of Bob's gig out in Charlton. Ooops. Starting now on Reboot 6 Day 1 smile. One day at a time!
Posted By: Lori-Dreams

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/27/13 05:09 PM

Lisa, you are doing an amazing job of being positive and not complaining. It's true that when you ask for a virtue (patience) then you will be given life experiences to grant it. How can you gain patience without it being tried and tested?

sigh.

I learned not to ask for patience! LOL.

But seriously, what happened with all those peace doves that didn't make it in time to the conference? That would be upsetting.
Posted By: Lori-Dreams

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/27/13 05:13 PM

Oh, and I just saw your reply about my kids' laundry! True that I can just ignore their dirty laundry--and should.

Yet, I do not want dirty laundry in the house anywhere as I think that filth attracts bugs and vermin. Plus, it smells after a while and breaks down the fabric of the clothing.

Because my daughter is dependent upon me/us for her care and clothing, I can't ignore that.

I honestly do not control their behavior or activities so this is the ONE thing that matters to me. Bring down your dirty laundry. My daughter just brought down her brother's for him.

I guess I will have to "remind" them and not think of it as complaining.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/27/13 09:20 PM

Lori -

The Peace Doves are currently in Tampa. I check on them occasionally smile. They will get somewhere eventually. The customer was very relaxed about it, and life will go on. I offered to send them photos or videos or such, but they're so busy they haven't even gotten back to me. I'm sure they'll find a use for them!
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/27/13 09:22 PM

Do they have in-room hampers? Can you get them each a portable in-room hamper to put the items in, so then they just have to grab it and bring it down?



http://www.todaloos.com/2011/11/what-is-it-answer_13.html

Something cute and fun and appealing?
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/28/13 03:54 PM

No-Complaining Reboot 6 Day 2 is going smoothly. Gorgeous sunshine, my schoolwork is set, the clothes are washing, the dishes are too.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/29/13 02:39 PM

No Complain Reboot 7 Day 1 - restarting due to a minor glitch smile. I was pulling out supplies from my origami shelves, a box tumbled, and a complaint ensued. One day at a time!
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 04/30/13 06:09 PM

No Complain Reboot 8 Day 1 - today was a massive project clearing out all the pricker bushes mixed in with the forsythia. I'm proud that I only complained once smile. It was a long swath along a stone wall, and I got it all cleared and neat! Now we're going to put stone edging around the forsythia, and perhaps plant some chocolate chip bugleweed in front of the stone wall as ground cover, and it'll be lovely smile. Happy happy.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/01/13 08:02 PM

No Complain Reboot 8 Day 2 - so far so good! Maybe because I wasn't out digging through pricker bushes all day smile. Making lots of progress on various projects, enjoying a berry-filled Champagne Cocktail, parakeet is warbling, life is good smile.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/02/13 04:02 PM

No Complain Reboot 8 Day 3 - sending reminders out about the upcoming Mused Literary Review deadline on May 8. I love working on Mused smile
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/03/13 10:10 PM

OK restarting on No Complain Reboot 9 Day 1 - we had to race to get my three photos to the location in time to register for the art show, and I ended up complaining. There was no need to race either, if I'd planned the day out a bit better. So I need to be aware of that. No need to cause myself extra stress.

The rest of the day was smooth, though, so overall I'm content. And this is my third art show this year, so that is exciting for me. I'm enjoying them. This one had a flower theme, and I love flowers.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/06/13 11:52 AM

No Complain Reboot 10 Day 2 - had to restart yesterday when I complained a bit about the initial placement of our new fire pit smile That's all right, one step at a time. I do like having it! Very serene. How are you doing in being aware of your effect on the world?
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/07/13 09:15 PM

No Complain Reboot 10 Day 3 - a gorgeous day. The fire pit is in a new spot and I adore it there. I'll post a photo. I had dinner with a friend and delicious dessert. A lovely, lovely day.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/08/13 05:50 PM

Ooops - No Complain Reboot 11 Day 1. I was pouring my artichoke liqueur for my Champagne cocktail, trying to add just a little. The bottle isn't meant for pouring small amounts apparently smile. I ended up with it all over the table. I might have been a bit exasperated by that.

Starting fresh! smile
Posted By: Beverly-Crochet Editor

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/08/13 06:24 PM

Well, I'm way past where everybody began, but I'm going to do it too. ONE MONTH, starting now. Hey! To say the least, it'll make a few areas better in our lives, right?
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/08/13 07:05 PM

Dear Beverly -

It's great to have you join us! This is an ongoing project so there's no set start date, you start whenever you want smile. At the beginning it's hard to last even a few hours, for most people, so take it one day at a time smile
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/12/13 04:01 PM

No Complain Reboot 12 Day 2. Yesterday I was running late for a formal dress dinner event and complained a bit in the process smile. Still, the event was fantastic and I enjoyed it immensely! Plus I got to see a special after-hours private showing of the Caravaggio exhibit at the Wadsworth Atheneum. I highly recommend going.

The longest sequential run I've made it so far in this project without complaining is five days, I believe. So that's my current short term goal. Just five days
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/15/13 10:10 PM

No Complain Reboot 13 Day 1 smile LOL. Still aiming for that 5 day elusive goal. Today it was that the kitchen was so full of plants, dirty dishes, printers, old stereos, etc., that there wasn't one clear spot to put down the mail. I snapped smile.

And then I took a deep breath, and Bob helped out. We got all the plants outside, now that the last cold night has finally passed. I did two loads of dishes. I have all the printers and stereos documented on craigslist now and they're going upstairs to wait for the requests to come in. I hung up the jackets. So now I'm really happy, because the kitchen and dining area are in great shape.

So I have to learn to take that deep breath when I hit the challenge, and pause. Really, in the grand scheme of things, having a temporarily dirty kitchen isn't that bad.
Posted By: Lori-Dreams

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/15/13 10:24 PM

You're right, Lisa! Not bad at all. Life happens. smile

BTW, does complaining in your mind count? I sometimes think complaining thoughts...
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/15/13 11:58 PM

Lori -

I would say no for now. It's enough of a challenge to rein in spoken comments. Maybe in the future we can work on thoughts, but we'll keep it simple for now smile.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/17/13 01:53 PM

No Complain Reboot 13 Day 3 - still aiming just for my five day goal for now. So two more days to go. I am learning new patience and "pause" skills every day, which is great. Today looks sunny and lovely. A great deal of things on my to-do list, but I'll take them one by one.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/20/13 02:50 AM

No Complain Reboot 14 Day 1 - it was a bit stressful preparing to go to a wedding today. Bob was grumpy and I got sucked into his mood. I still need to practice to keep myself serene when he gets grumpy. That seems to be my main "trigger" that still catches me now. The rest of the day was calm through smile.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/22/13 01:05 AM

No complain Reboot 14 Day 3 - I hit a few rough spots but I took a long, deep breath and worked through them. One step at a time!
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/22/13 03:09 PM

No complain Reboot 14 Day 4 - getting close to that five day mark! I will strive to be peaceful, calm, and supportive today.

How are you guys doing? Are you becoming more aware of triggers that disturb your peace?
Posted By: Lori-Dreams

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/22/13 06:32 PM

You can do this, Lisa! smile If anyone can get to Day Five, it's you!

This thread is helping me be more mindful of what is going on in my head and how I express things.

I am becoming more aware of my triggers. Very interesting. I am glad to see what those triggers are because it causes me to do some self-reflection. Why does this upset me? Can I turn this around with love and appreciation? I have so much more inner work to do! But life is a process. smile

Last night, I slept well. This morning, I got out for my walking meditation and such wonderful feelings and thoughts came to me. The plants, as always, exude the best energy.

The flowers awakened with a long exhalation of perfumed breath. I smiled to know that the sun was still there behind the clouds.

After my walking meditation and a shower, I meditated again (I'm in a meditative study class.)

Later, I was able to visit my mother and uncle, bringing lunch and cooking some snacks for them. Returning home, there were supportive emails from good friends that made me glow with appreciation and love. My adorable chihuahuas make me laugh and smile. My husband shook his head angrily at me to learn I accidentally spent some of the car payment on other stuff then he came in to kiss me and say he was over it. smile

And I will meditate again at 7 pm. What a peaceful day this is...

Posted By: Beverly-Crochet Editor

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/22/13 06:41 PM

While at meeting the other day, several folks asked how I was doing. My response was, "Well, other than the usual aches and pains, I'm marvelous." Was that complaining?
Posted By: Beverly-Crochet Editor

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/22/13 06:42 PM

Go Lisa,
We're cheering for ya!
Posted By: Connie - ADD/Sandwiches/Reading

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/22/13 06:45 PM

I would try for a week, then build on that. A month is a long time and a bit daunting.
Posted By: Lori-Dreams

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/22/13 06:46 PM

Originally Posted By: Beverly-Crochet Editor
While at meeting the other day, several folks asked how I was doing. My response was, "Well, other than the usual aches and pains, I'm marvelous." Was that complaining?


Haha! That is too cute a response. Were you being sarcastic? Or did you mean it sincerely? Sometimes, we have to live the those usual aches and pains. Is it complaining just to mention them? Didn't sound like you were complaining to me!
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/22/13 07:08 PM

Lori -

It is so true that we each have different triggers and can learn to cope with them in a gentle manner. Something that bothers one person could be quite fine to another person.

It's lovely that you had such a beautiful day!
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/22/13 07:11 PM

Originally Posted By: Beverly-Crochet Editor
While at meeting the other day, several folks asked how I was doing. My response was, "Well, other than the usual aches and pains, I'm marvelous." Was that complaining?


I think Lori is right and it's about how it was said. If it was said with a smile, to indicate things were going relatively well, then that is great!

Some people might have said "well, my hip is aching, and my stomach is giving me trouble, and ..." and that would be in the complaining category smile.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/22/13 07:13 PM

Originally Posted By: Connie - ADD/Sandwiches
I would try for a week, then build on that. A month is a long time and a bit daunting.


Dear Connie - I wouldn't even aim for 7 consecutive days yet. It'll take a while - probably - to get to that stage. I would just try for 3 days, if you haven't made it to that yet. It can take a while to even get to 3 days! And once you've made it that far, you increase it to 5 days, and so on.

The 1 month goal is the long term goal smile. So far I can't even make it to 5 days. This time might be the time!
Posted By: Beverly-Crochet Editor

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/23/13 02:17 AM

No, Lori, (LOL) I wasn't being sarcastic. People who know me personally know that I have two forms (and most likely 3) of arthritis, Fibromyalgia and a few other ailments that cause severe pain. They know that I have very few good days (with little to know pain). So, they usually laugh along with me and most can relate with their own physical conditions.

But, when I'm having a good day and they ask how I'm doing, I tell them "today is a good day".
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/23/13 07:29 PM

Beverly -

That is great, that you are able to take your health in the grand scheme of things and celebrate the good days. Well done!
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/23/13 07:30 PM

No complain Reboot 14 Day 5 - if I can make it through today, I have a new Lisa record! I can do it! smile smile
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/24/13 04:35 PM

LOL that's OK, I had a glitch.

It involved driving in pouring rain, trying to answer the phone while driving in said rain, being late, and being scolded for being late.

So note to self - just don't answer phones while driving in rain smile.

So I'm on No Complain reboot 15, Day 2. Which is fine! Today is a fresh day.

How are you guys doing?
Posted By: Lori-Dreams

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/24/13 04:44 PM

Aw. Well, I think you're super just to have only ONE glitch. I need to work on keeping it to one glitch a DAY! LOL.

I was doing great the other day until two of the dogs got into my bag and ate the snack I'd made for my son. I didn't know it was in there. My daughter stuck it there without my knowing or I would have taken it out! Not only did the dogs eat some plastic, they got food all over the place.

Then, yesterday we discovered that one of the begins to HOWL horribly when I'm gone! None of the neighbors reported it. She didn't know someone was home and she howled. This isn't a one time thing as now someone has caught her three times. I'm terribly concerned about annoying the neighbors so I need to do something to keep her occupied while I'm gone. I thought having two dog friends would be enough...

Today, I had to go through some effort to change my schedule with my aunt so I could be back in time to get my husband to the dentist for a tooth extraction. He wouldn't be able to drive himself after the anesthetic. Well, I made it back home in time only to learn that he had cancelled his appointment earlier that day.

Not a big deal. But like lint, these incidents can be annoying even if it doesn't take much to brush them off.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/26/13 09:31 PM

Lori -

That's fine to take it a day at a time smile. That is what life is about!

For the pup, that's a good thing to know! Maybe put on a radio or something? So it's not silent?

I agree that others can do things that cause glitches. We can't control them smile. So we look for ways to be content despite their actions!
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/26/13 09:34 PM

A lovely weekend with my son visiting has me on No Complain Reboot 15, Day 4. Still aiming to make it past 5 days. We'll see!
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/31/13 04:12 PM

Taking life one day at a time really does help! I'm now on No Complain Project Reboot 15, Day 9. I was expecting that my stressful day in New York City would have me complain, but Bob and Dad did such an awesome job of nurturing me that I made it through without a complaint! Yoga and meditation absolutely help.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 06/05/13 02:27 PM

This No Complain project is helping me immensely. I have become much more aware of when I start to feel a little unhappy / cranky and to figure out why. Often I'm either dehydrated or my blood sugar levels are low. When I address that, I feel better again.

Looking back over my times I complained, it was usually because I was "out of sorts" to begin with and then snapped when something happened in life. When I'm feeling all right, I handle those hurdles with much more grace.

Today I'm at No Complain Project Reboot 15, Day 14. So I'm nearly half-way through the 30 day goal!
Posted By: Lori - Marriage

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 06/05/13 05:50 PM

Amazing, Lisa! I know you will do this!

Every time I even think about doing this, I recall something that will cause me to start over before I even begin. Today, a gust of wind blew a homemade card I crafted for my niece's baby shower off the table. It was the ONLY card I made that was filled with confetti (little baby feet) and they scattered all around the room. I'll need to make more now. Not a big deal but still made me sigh.

Then, two of my chis peed in the ONLY room in the house with carpet this morning. Again, not a big deal but still made me sigh. I cleaned it and plan to replace that carpet anyway--even though it is new still--because a laminate is easier to clean.

I spend most of my day feeling pretty happy and grateful. I wake up that way and go to bed that way. Throughout the day, there are many times when I express sheer thankfulness for it all.

And yet...there are times when stuff happens and I can't help but sigh. frown I tell myself that it's just life and is not a big deal. There are people out there who have really big deals to cope with so I'd like to deal with these tiny issues with gratitude instead of a sigh.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 06/05/13 06:26 PM

Lori -

It's OK to sigh. We are taking things one at a time smile. So if you sigh, let it go. We are only focusing on actual verbal complaints for now. We can work on thoughts later on smile.

It will take a while to get to the point where you genuinely laugh at the silliness of life smile.
Posted By: Lori - Marriage

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 06/05/13 07:14 PM

Well, I wasn't laughing or just thinking about my complaints one day last week.

Neither of the kids took the initiative to put away the hot dogs they didn't finish at lunch.

I was just getting out of the shower and heard the dogs and guess correctly that one of them was on the table. Taboo here. So I rushed out--naked--to chase him off. All the dogs scattered. As I chased one, I slipped on some pee on the floor because no one let the dogs out. ugh. I was fresh and clean, nicely powdered, and now covered in urine.

When I slipped, I jammed my diabetic foot into a wall, bruising my toes and my hip. My daughter rushed down when she heard the bang. "MOM! Are you ok?!?!" My husband finally comes in and does he ask if I'm ok? No, all he can say is, "Why are you on the floor naked?"

Ya, some days it's like that over here...
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 06/14/13 07:39 PM

Lori -

I thought I replied to this, I apologize that I didn't!

That definitely sounds like a frustrating situation. Life can be chaos smile.

Sometimes life gives you a shake and says "nothing will go as you planned it to - just accept it" smile.

I'm glad you were ok!

I admit a pet peeve of mine is if I might be hurt and Bob doesn't react in a way I think is appropriate. He is getting better about it, because I'm training him. I think guys are raised to shrug off injuries and say "it's no big deal". So it's up to us to retrain them.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 06/14/13 07:56 PM

An update for me. I am now on Reboot 16, Day 5.

Backstory: About ten years ago one of our cats, Oscar, briefly caught on fire by walking on the bed headboard when we were in bed and had a lit candle there. We of course put him out promptly, but we no longer use real candles in the bedroom and are quite sensitive about candles near the cat.

So on Sunday I was tired, hungry, and working on my photography class assignment. I was trying to take a photo of a lit candle in darkness. I decided that the ideal place for my test would be to put the candle on the futon to get the fabric wrapping beneath it and then up behind it smoothly.

I put the unlit candle on the futon. Julie the cat immediately leapt up next to it, thinking I was going to do something on the futon. That is "her spot" to snuggle with us.

I got annoyed / upset at her being near the unlit candle because there was no way I would light it with her on the futon. So I removed the candle. She hopped down. I put the candle back onto the futon. She hopped back up. I vocally grumped smile.

So clearly this was silly of me. The futon is HER place. This is where she likes to sit! She was being natural and normal for wanting to be on the futon. I should have chosen another place for my photo shoot of a live candle. Which I did end up doing. And it was fine. Why should I be grumpy with Julie for doing what a Julie is known to do? How could she understand that this one time she wasn't supposed to come onto the futon with me?

Really it stemmed from me being tired, hungry, and in a rush. I knew better than to let myself get into that state. The more I am aware of those warning signs, the better I can be about solving them proactively.

Still, I made it quite far before that point, and I am fine to start fresh and put my learning to good use! Sleep well. Eat healthy meals in small, regular doses smile. Don't rush.
Posted By: Lori-Dreams

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 06/15/13 12:23 PM

Oh, Lisa. No worries about not replying! The good thing about the forums is that they are here when time allows. smile

Your thought "Don't rush" is key for me. I notice that rushing makes me tense. In the past, I used to pride myself on thriving on adrenaline rushes and deadlines (journalism majors usually do!) But now that I'm older, the stress is draining.

For example, today I need to make cheese enchiladas for my nephew's grad party and he invited over 100 people. I'm not rattled as this is a simple recipe. Mostly assembling. I was going to wait until noon to start but will begin now just to give myself some time to shower and dress in peace instead of being frantic. The party is at 2. I "could" have made them last night but preferred to make them fresh.
Posted By: Lori-Dreams

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 06/15/13 01:29 PM

It's only 11:30 and all the enchiladas are done, just waiting their turn in the oven. Phew! My husband, daughter and I assembly-lined the process and were finished in half an hour. One hundred and twenty eight enchiladas.

NO complaints over here!
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 06/25/13 06:02 PM

OK I made it to 15 days before complaining, so that isn't too bad! That means I am now on Reboot 17, Day 2. Yesterday was just SO hot, and I knew I was tired and cranky. And then my FTP software wasn't working, and I was worn down and frustrated. So I complained about it. So lesson to self - when it's hot, drink more ice water! And turn on the fan. Life gets so much better smile Really, the FTP issue wasn't a huge deal. Bob gave me a hand, it got fixed, and life went on!
Posted By: Lori - Marriage

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 06/26/13 12:47 PM

Fifteen days is pretty darned good, Lisa! I like your preemptive measures. General well-being fortifies us.

A few days ago, I realized that my bank account hadn't been debited for my mother's storage unit in a few months. Autopay was set up. I was sure of it. I panicked because the storage company does not send our invoices or notices. It will just confiscate the contents and auction them. My mother is a minor level hoarder and when I cleaned out her large room, I told her that the excess junk would be in a storage unit so she allowed me to take it.

If she learned her storage unit was gone, she would have a meltdown. Even if, by anyone's standards, the contents were disposable and fairly useless, these were her things and she would throw a fit. At her age and health condition, it could cause a heart attack or stroke!

My head and heart began to pound and I hyperventilated. OH NO NO NO! I wailed and bemoaned my fate! My husband said to call the storage company to be sure (of course) but it was a Sunday and I couldn't do a thing about it until Monday. I hadn't panicked like that in a long time. I needed to lie down. Breathe in and out.

My higher self calmed me down. There was no good in letting my mind and body suffer like this. Stress releases cortisol that damages the brain and body. Reason reminded me that to panic before knowing with certainty was a waste of time and emotion. Plus, it is having a negative effect on my brain!

Then, I was reminded abut visualization to create our desired outcome. So I did. I began to express gratitude for everything, my mother, cleaning out her stuff, the storage unit. Gratitude for knowing about the creative power of our thoughts. I envisioned that the storage unit was up-to-date on payment. I prayed to God for help for this situation.

You'll never guess. I learned that the storage unit was current on payment. It was on autopay but set up on my husband's bank account. Neither of us recalled that. I had set it up on mine.

All that stress for nothing. Or was it? I am reminded of the power of intention, gratitude and prayer. Thank you, God!
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 06/26/13 01:54 PM

Lori -

It is so true that we can "waste" a lot of time - and harm our bodies! - over things that are completely imaginary. I agree that this was an ideal learning lesson, and you were awesome! How inspiring!
Posted By: Lori - Marriage

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 06/26/13 02:38 PM

Another good example of this occurred last night with my husband. My son had told him something that was conveyed by one of their business partners and it was entirely upsetting. It bothered my husband all night. It was too late to discuss the matter so he had to stew over this. It angered him and disrupted his sleep.

In the morning, he learned that my son did not communicate the information correctly. We had no reason to doubt my son's message so we didn't even consider that this info might not be true.

My son misunderstood. It was unintentional. This is yet another lesson not to leap to judgment. And to confront matters head-on, directly with the people involved, without getting emotional.

In this world of duality, every problem has its solution.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 06/26/13 02:49 PM

Lori -

Thank you for sharing that example. It is so true - we can get wound up and upset, and damage our health, over things which aren't even real. Think of how much better the night would have been if he slept well! It shows why this practice can be so helpful smile.
Posted By: Lori-Dreams

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 06/29/13 08:26 PM

I'm trying to get to the point where I remember that everything has a higher purpose so if something unexpected, unpleasant or even undesirable happens, I can simply breathe in and out and figure out the best way to react or handle the situation without extreme emotion.

It's hard for me as I am an emotional person. For example, my husband says not to get my dogs all excited when we come home but it's so hard for me. They act like they haven't seen me in ten years and they jump and yip so joyfully. But I am happy to see them, too, and it's one big happy reunion! LOL.
Posted By: Lisa - Buddhism

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 06/30/13 04:11 PM

Hi Lori, I loved your examples above - it's so true how we leap ahead in our minds, rather than just dealing with what we know in the moment, and how much stress this can cause us. Just dealing with 'what is', the present moment, is so helpful.

I am wondering about your dog example though. Why is it bad for you and your dogs to get excited to see each other? That kind of emotion is a beautiful thing I think.
Posted By: Lori-Dreams

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 06/30/13 04:19 PM

I agree, Lisa. But dog behaviorists believe that a dog should not get overly excited when owners return, that it should greet you calmly and that's it. I think they should take dog personalities into consideration.

One dog behaviorist we met said he trained his dogs to sit in a "time-out" for 20 minutes when he comes home. That sounds like punishment to me. I must be missing a point here.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 07/09/13 02:36 AM

I've been thinking about the dogs issue for a number of days now. I go back and forth on it.

First, certainly, I think it's good to show that you care when you reunite with someone. If Bob didn't care at all that I got home, I'd be sad. If he was "annoyed" with me giving him a kiss, I'd be sad. I want that sense that I've been missed.

On the other hand, encouraging a pet to jump all over someone seems to be not necessarily great. If I go into someone's home and their pet is jumping all over me before I can even get to know them, it's off-putting. I think of them as "hyper" - not as "friendly". I'd like a tail wag and a sniff at the hand. Not jumping. So if I had dogs, I wouldn't want them trained to jump all over at a new arrival. I wouldn't want a cacophony of noise.

So maybe there is a balance in there somewhere.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 07/09/13 02:46 AM

Reboot 18, Day 2.

This starts getting into intriguing examinations of how one uses their energies. I can say as a baseline that I agree with the premise that if I fill my mind with "cranky" thoughts, it causes my body stress, which causes physical harm to my body. Those negative stress hormones aren't good for my body. I want to avoid them. I want to build my body's ability to focus, to be healthy, and to achieve its goals. Negative stress hormones work against those goals.

So, with that being said ...

Bob has decided we should watch a TV show, "Whodunnit". To be fair to Bob, I like to write mysteries and we watch them regularly. So this should be ideal for me. However, it's a reality show and it is *atrocious*. The "acting" and writing is beyond silly. So I find myself making comments ... negative ... about what is going on. On one hand one could say I'm pointing out issues with the show. But on the other hand, yes, clearly I'm complaining. I'm investing an hour of my life and being grumpy about how inane it is.

So, why? Why am I putting myself through this? I feel stress about how poorly it is put together. I don't gain much from the experience. I have *oodles* of awesome shows on Netflix or InDemand I could watch instead, which have incredible, inspiring writing. And - the main point of this exercise - I am allowing stress hormones to build in my body for no earthly reason.

So I think this reboot was a reminder to me to make healthy choices about where I invest my time. Each day is precious. Each day is a gift that, once passed, cannot be retrieved again. If something causes me to complain, it's a sign that it should probably be eased out of my schedule.

Leaves lots more time for Midsomer Murders smile.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 07/11/13 11:02 PM

Today I had an interview with a local newspaper about my two books which won IPPY awards. One of them was the book I wrote as part of the NaNoWriMo project. It was nice to have a few hours out of the house, and to promote my various writing projects. Hopefully this will bring more attention to battered women's shelters, which is my focus project.

Absolutely, a way to reduce my "stress" / "complaining" aspect is to focus on others. When I think of all that battered women have to go to, any issues I face seem quite tiny in comparison.
Posted By: Ninjahedgewych

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 07/12/13 11:22 AM

Also check out "Johnathan Creek"- here's some background. 3:)
Posted By: Lori-Dreams

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 07/16/13 03:45 PM

OMG OMG OMG. Trying not to get upset here. My adult son keeps parking in the street when there is street sweeping on Tuesdays. HOW MANY TICKETS HAS HE RECEIVED?!?!?
Posted By: loongdragon

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 07/16/13 05:27 PM

To all or none,
Since this is in the Buddhism section,I might add that a person that does not complain for a month ,has to be enlightened,that ,not making him a human anymore but a living corpse waiting to die .If he is ot the Theravada lineage, he will remain in the realm of non existence i.e.Nirvana,If the same person is from the Mahayana Or Tibetan lineages ,he will come back in mansland as a Bodhisattva,to try to bring humans and sentient beings to Enlightenment.

loong
Mahayana lineage
Posted By: loongdragon

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 07/16/13 05:33 PM

To all or none,

Buddha ,said : Do not fight with your negative side ,including,anger,jealousy ,name them all.They all come from the same place THE MIND.
Instead ,like a mother with her crying child ,take these deficencies,and transform their energy into Mindfulness Energy,thus having no fighting in your Mind,and living in peace,harmony with oneself.

Loong
Posted By: Lisa - Buddhism

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 07/16/13 05:38 PM

Originally Posted By: loongdragon
To all or none,

Buddha ,said : Do not fight with your negative side ,including,anger,jealousy ,name them all.They all come from the same place THE MIND.
Instead ,like a mother with her crying child ,take these deficencies,and transform their energy into Mindfulness Energy,thus having no fighting in your Mind,and living in peace,harmony with oneself.

Loong


Yes, I like the idea of making a resolution to try to complain less, to dwell in negativity less, but at the same time sometimes we need to look at the root of our tendencies and show them compassion - show these parts of ourselves compassion.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 07/18/13 09:37 PM

Loong -

I'm not sure that not complaining for just a month makes someone a saint smile. A month is only thirty days. Hopefully we can all develop the patience to be able to go that period of time and be all right with the world around us!

The more I practice, the easier it gets. It all depend on what we choose to focus our energy on.

It's not a matter of fighting with a negative side. It is more a matter of realizing that things are just not worth getting riled over. There are more important things in life to focus on. It's not a fight - it's a release.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 07/18/13 09:40 PM

Reboot 19, Day 1.

I definitely am going longer and longer between restarts. Most of the time I have to restart because I let myself get cranky, when I should know better. Today was brutally hot, and I was hot, pouring sweat, and cranky. So it makes sense that I would complain about something silly. The thing that made me complain definitely wasn't worth the stress hormones in my system.

And to be in that cranky state in the first place was, of course, my own fault smile.

I had been holding off on putting the AC in my office because I didn't want to disturb the hummingbirds, who use a feeder in the other window. But I don't even know that they'll mind the AC. Heck, maybe they'll like it smile. So I let myself get cranky for an imaginary reason.

Bob put the AC in for me and now I feel SOOO much happier. A simple fix! Better health instantly!

So now to see if the hummingbirds use the feeder tomorrow smile.

And I am full of joy and gratitude for having my Bob in my life smile.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 07/19/13 02:14 PM

Reboot 19 Day 2 -

Not only do we have hummingbirds but we have *strings* of hummingbirds! Maybe the window is cool or something because of the AC in the room. See, my waiting was just silly, and for no reason smile. It goes to show that we can "make our own problems" sometimes with erroneous assumptions.

And my life is so much more serene with my body at a healthy temperature.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 07/29/13 08:29 PM

Reboot 20 Day 2 -

I do still hit hiccups, and they are informative, to help me review my life and what my "triggers" are. So I did hit a hiccup last night, and it began with the quite messy state of the house, me tripping over something that has been in the kitchen for at least a month, and being grumpy about it.

Clearly, having a mess everywhere impacts my serenity. So I need to take more proactive action to get this mess cleaned up and put away.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 08/07/13 08:25 PM

Reboot 20 Day 11 -

Bob and I get into intriguing discussions now about what exactly constitutes a complaint. If I make a request, but it's in a frustrated tone, is that a complaint? He'll ask - and he means this genuinely - "could you have said that in a different tone?" And I'll stop and think about it. And often I do see that while I worked to choose healthy words, I still let frustration color them.

Certainly one could say "If I am frustrated I should express it rather than bottle it up". And that is true. But then the next step should be, "why am I allowing this to frustrate me? Is it really worth sapping my energy and health levels over this? How can I deal with it in a positive way?"

Case in point - the mess in the house. It's not rocket science. The mess makes me cranky. But griping about it clearly doesn't help smile. If I just keep griping, that won't lead to a positive outcome. Action needs to be taken. The mess won't clean itself smile. So I need to map out a plan, and implement it. That would be a far better use of my energy, and would lead long term to a much happier Lisa.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 08/31/13 02:52 PM

Reboot 21 Day 7 -

I did get cranky last weekend, and it was over something that I shouldn't have let get to me. So again a reminder that I should take a deep breath and not allow "minor things" to bring stress into my world. My health is important. My ability to help others serenely is important. The more I manage my stress, the more I can help others and be healthy myself.

I feel I've done well this past week. There were various hurdles, yes, but by thinking about them I was able to find a solution of some sort.

We choose our reactions. And, in a very palpable way, we choose the world we live in. We can choose to react to something with equanimity or with stress. Why choose stress? Stress harms us. By choosing even a non-reaction we store up our energy to be used for more important projects.

One day at a time!
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 09/06/13 03:58 PM

Reboot 21 Day 13 -

Today could have been a test of my "do not complain" project. I am entering three abstract photos into a photo show. The drop-off period, to drop the photos off at the gallery, was yesterday and today from 4-7. I was planning on doing it yesterday, but when I began framing yesterday morning I realized I'd printed my prints with too much of a white margin. You could see strips of white on the edges of the photo. I also found that I really liked the combination of black mat and black frame for all three photos. I only had two frames like that. So we went out to Michael's and got another one. We weren't home until late. I then reprinted the three photos at the proper size and left them overnight to dry.

So that left today for framing and bringing them in. I woke up at 2pm or so and came down to start the process. It always takes me a while to frame photos because bits of white dust fall from the frame, get caught against the mat, and then show up as glaring spots in the final image. So there's a lot of cleaning, mounting, sealing up, finding the spots, unsealing, and so on. Eventually I get it just right where no dust has fallen into the viewable areas.

So there it was, 4:30pm and I had everything framed and ready to go. And then I realized there weren't connection points to run the wire from. The gallery requires the frames be "wired" for hanging. Usually the frames have enough of those rotating "hold the back in place" thing to just tie the wires onto those. But these frames didn't. And we don't have any of those little eye-hook things in the house.

So Bob is running off to Home Depot, so he can get home with the eye hooks, so I can wire the frames, so we can get them to the gallery by the 7pm deadline. Which is in 2 hours smile.

Sure, I could complain. But it's my own fault for waiting until the last minute to print out and frame these things. And it's not the end of the world. He'll get the eye hooks, we'll wire them up, and it'll be fine. And even if something else happens, and I miss the deadline, then I'll live. It's just one gallery show. Life will go on.

So I think that is the key. To prepare as much as you can so you have time to handle all the normal hurdles life has. And if you go get into a situation where you have to handle hurdles quickly, to simply do your best. It doesn't help to get stressed. In most cases being stressed makes it worse. Just do your best, and keep it in perspective.

How are you guys doing today, with the normal hurdles in your lives?
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 09/08/13 03:24 PM

Reboot 22 Day 1 -

Well, it was the mess that did me in again. I was in the kitchen climbing past Bob's amplifier and over the Dremel tool we were using to wire up my photos for my photo show, to get to my morning shake. I got in OK, but on the way out I tripped and banged my knee fairly hard. So first I let loose with some oaths, which I don't count as complaining as that is "pain reaction". But then I got into muttering about the mess, which is more in the complaining department smile. It shows again, if we'd just keep the mess down, I wouldn't be triggered by it.

And the mess *was* down only a few weeks ago when we had friends visit - so this is all new mess. Which I think is part of what frustrates me. No need for dremel tools and amplifiers in the kitchen!

So starting the counter again at day one smile
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 09/23/13 05:27 PM

Reboot 23 Day 6 -

This most recent reboot was caused by a combination of the kitchen mess and me being quite hungry. I find that when I'm hungry I'm less able to cope with other stress. So it's a good reminder to me to eat regular, small, healthy meals and snacks. That keeps me on an even keel.

So far today is going smoothly. Oodles of things to do, but I am moving through them one step at a time. Sangria always helps too smile.
Posted By: Lisa - Buddhism

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 09/24/13 11:19 AM

It is amazing how much the physical, mental and emotional levels works together. I find the busyness of my mind picks up when I don't eat regularly or exercise, and then it is harder to maintain my equanimity too.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 10/07/13 01:43 PM

Do Not Complain project Reboot 24 Day 2 - lack of sleep and frustration with rudeness did me in. I snapped at someone. Not good. I'd tried to cram in helping out at an Art show Sat, driving 1.5 hrs to an art gala dinner Sat night, then driving 1.5 hrs back Sun morn to work the art show again. Little sleep. At the gala, people were talking loudly during the speeches which bothered me a lot.

Then at the Sun art show, a local station was video-taping the award ceremony and again people were talking loudly in the background during that taping. I tried to ignore it. But then during a final segment someone was about to walk right *in front of the camera* to go and take his painting down which was the key focus art right behind the interview. I was a bit curt in pointing out to him that - hello! They are filming! Please wait just two minutes! #donotcomplain
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 11/14/13 09:55 PM

Reboot 26 Day 2 - I find I get much better about being aware of my "approach to grumpiness" now and take steps to fix the underlying issue - my hunger, my cold, or whatever it is that has disturbed my basic serenity. This latest situation helped illustrate that to me.

I adore folding origami. It's soothing and serene. My latest project was a large order for a client of 36 strings of 10 cranes each, in a rainbow of colors. The colors were stunning, and they were just so pretty. But - and I know this - stringing them is a challenge. The fishing line loves to tangle. And working on 36 of them, if they get anywhere near each other they wrap up.

I had a number of other time-sensitive projects, too, so I was not getting much sleep, and at one point I got grumpy with the tangling cranes. I complained.

But then I thought about it. Here I am doing something I love. I'm bringing beauty into the world. And I know they will tangle! So to get upset about them tangling is silly. It is a part of the process.

Then Bob helped me rig up a stringing device, and I put on a snuggly robe, and made some tea, and soon the stringing was meditative and peaceful.

It's all about one's frame of mind smile.


It's my own serenity and health that I'm caring for, by paying attention to these mood changes. And of course that ripples out to everyone who depends on me.
Posted By: Elleise - Clairvoyance

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 11/14/13 10:38 PM

Lisa,

Those are absolutely STUNNING! And I do agree w/everything you mention, about state of mind.

I always go back to the Tibetan monks, fleeing even through treacherous conditions, yet through state of mind, together, they were able to survive the extremes.

I have a saying, "Perception is 9/10th's of 'the law'" - The law, being or meaning "The Law of Nature."

It can feel like turning a stiff steering wheel when the "Grumpies" hit. But, once you get that OTHER state of mind, there's more a feeling of smooth sailing - set on cruise control.

From there, it's like a set of Domino's tagging along and everything else, just seems to fall right into place.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 01/14/14 10:00 PM

Do Not Complain Reboot 30 Day 2 -

It's been a while since I've updated my Do Not Complain project. In general I have gotten much more aware about when I start to feel cranky. I can take a deep breath and a step back. I find that helps immensely. I can put issues into perspective and find a way to deal with the issue in a constructive manner.

There are of course still times that I fail to watch for the approach of crankiness, and fall over the edge into crankiness smile. I still strive not to take it out on others, but there are times that it leaks out.

I find my photo-a-day project helps a lot. It keeps me aware of the beauty all around us and how each day is precious. Working on projects with daily progress helps too. I always have a sense that at least something is moving forward, even if other things are facing hurdles.

How are you guys doing in this new year?
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 01/15/14 06:35 PM

Do Not Complain Reboot 30 Day 3 -
A good example of the process I go through. Last night (well, technically, this morning) I was curling up in bed with Bob on one side and Juliet the cat on the other. Both began snoring smile. Part of me thought, "really? I'm sleepy." But then I gave it thought. Both are in good health. We are a contented family. Would I prefer that one or both were not there?

So I gave each of them a warm hug and appreciated that they were there with me, however that happened to be. And they both stopped snoring! And life was blissful smile.

I just woke up, Bob is serenading me with lovely guitar music, and I'm having my morning shake. Life is lovely.
Posted By: loongdragon

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 01/16/14 08:28 PM

To Lisa,

Great post.As I can see you were enjoying the present moment fully.Good to read

loong
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 01/22/14 12:28 AM

Loong -

Thank you very much. I think the more we can find balance in our world, the better!
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 01/22/14 12:37 AM

Do Not Complain Reboot 30 Day 9 -

I found myself starting to get cranky today and thought about it. I realized two things were involved. First, I was quite hungry but kept putting off getting food so I could plow through my work load. Clearly that wasn't a good plan smile. So I took a break mid-project to get a nice salad and a glass of wine.

Second, I have TweetDeck running continuously on my PC so I can glance over occasionally and see what news is active in my feed. That lets me then forward interesting studies on health, news on ebook publishing, or so on. Usually this is a wonderful way to easily keep a quick eye on my areas of interest, by following certain hashtags.

I want to phrase this part not as a complaint smile. Someone I follow enjoys swear words. They use them fairly frequently in tweets and often with unflattering intentions toward others. When I see those posts my serenity is reduced. If there's a flurry of them in a row, it can wear at me. I use that area of my life to uplift and help others, so it impacts my mood.

I tried for quite a while to try to see them differently. To accept that we're all unique and on different paths. But today, at last, I decided that this just wasn't healthy for me. Yes, she can be on her own path, and that's great! At the same time, I need to best bolster my own path. I'm just juggling so much right now that I need to make my environment best supports me in that.

So I wrote her a (hopefully) gentle note explaining that I did still like her immensely, and her posts are undoubtedly great for others, but they just can't be in my feed any more. It's interesting in our modern world that "unfollowing" or "defriending" can be such a traumatic experience.

But I know for me it's the right choice.

Have you had to do that?
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 01/23/14 10:06 AM

Do Not Complain Reboot 31 Day 2 -

Ooops, food did it to me yet again. I compiled a slow cook recipe book which then had me craving corned beef. Bob went out and got all the stuff, even though it was out of season, and we even bought a new slow cooker too. He went through a fair amount of effort to cook it all. The smells were wafting through the house for hours.

So I'm starving for it and finally I get it on my plate ... and it's tough, pink, and salty. My desire is totally falling apart, dissolving in the mouth, and grey. So, in my brain-addled starvation state, I became fairly petulant smile. Which wasn't quite fair to him. He went to three different stores looking for supplies and this brand was the only one available.

Now I start fresh, and once again I'm reminded not to let myself get to starvation or to get too obsessed with a specific outcome smile.

How are you guys doing? It's a fun project to try!
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 02/15/14 05:24 PM

Do Not Complain Reboot 32 Day 2 -

It was the mess that did me in this time. It seems to be either the mess or food that will get to me. Fri was a long day already, and a CraigsList person had decided he'd come out Sat at noon to pick up an old receiver we were selling. And the house was a complete mess. So, 2am, I'm trying to plow through quite a lot of mess just to get the living room and kitchen presentable. And I got a bit cranky smile.

It frustrates me that the house gets to a state that we can't even have people in just those two rooms without an extensive cleaning. But I'm unwilling to take time away from my already mountainous pile of projects in order to clean it. And Bob doesn't like strangers in the house.

I guess what we need is a friend who will come in and handle the dishes and counters and such. And then we need to be more diligent about not using these areas as storage locations for months and months.

I admit that the kitchen table is completely covered with all my watercoloring supplies right now, especially as I'm working on a cool "palette" art contest where I have to turn a large wooden palette into a unique work of art. It has to be done by Feb 25th so I have 10 days left on that. Today I'm doing some experiments with folding vellum into origami.

Are you guys attempting mindfulness about complaints?
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 02/17/14 04:34 PM

Do Not Complain Reboot 32 Day 4 -

My life isn't always stress-free smile. What I aim for, though, is to deal with those stressors in a way that preserves my health.

My stepfather is giving me much of his old stereo equipment which I'm then selling on CraigsList. It's been going smoothly in general, with lots of happy recipients. Then I encountered P. After various back-and-forth he arrived at noon on Sunday morning, the morning after Bob's gig. So Bob and I were both exhausted but we woke to meet P's requirements. We had the receiver set up, demonstrated it, and answered all his questions. He haggled with us even though it was exactly what we described. I admit I'm just not happy haggling. But we gave in and dropped the price, and even found him a sturdy box to take it in.

This morning I wake up to a hostile email from P where he's swearing at me, denigrating me, and stating that the "stereo mode doesn't work".

Bob thinks he simply doesn't understand the function of the "stereo" light, which comes on if a FM station is being received in stereo. That would not light up during normal CD or other play.

My dual aims are to preserve my own health, by not allowing stress to be created in me, and also not to spread stress in others. So I took in deep breaths and did some yoga smile.

And then I wrote P, first stating that I would not allow abusive language to be used. This is a business transaction and as adults we should be able to manage this professionally. I then explained the probable situation and said we'd take it back if he wanted. (Heck, this would be good for us, since there are other people who wanted it and who would pay full price for it as is.) I told him the only real hurdle to us taking it back at this point is that, given the hostility of his message, I wasn't sure I wanted him in the house again.

Maybe this will have him consider the language he used - especially if it turns out he was misinterpreting how the stereo is supposed to properly work. It did preserve my own stress levels and health. If he chooses to remain hostile going forward, then that is his choice as an adult and I'll simply cease communications. I cannot change others. I can only model the behavior I believe in and ensure the atmosphere I live in supports me.

Yelling at him wouldn't have helped - it would have riled stress in me and spread stress to him, too. It wouldn't be likely to create a more positive outcome. For me, the best solution all around is to handle the transaction like adults, to maintain my own calm, and if he chooses not to engage in a like manner, to move on to someone else who will.
Posted By: Susan Helene Kramer

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 03/18/14 09:21 AM

Lisa, I also use deep breathing to combat stress. Then I do some aerobic activity. Just a change of scene can get my mind off the stressful situation.

Susan smile
Posted By: Lisa - Buddhism

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 03/18/14 01:58 PM

Lisa, that's an excellent example of how using mindfulness based practices (in your case breathing and yoga) can shift us into a place where we can really think about the best way to respond, as opposed to just reacting.

It's interesting this month both Nightline anchor Dan Harris and hip-hop mogul Russell Simmons released books on meditation, and how it has benefited them in their careers (and lives overall, but they both emphasize career.) In both cases it really came down to stress management, and being able to let go of an initial emotional reaction to a challenge or obstacle, so that they could then respond in an intelligent, peaceful manner.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 03/27/14 04:51 PM

Susan -

Those are great suggestions! I do definitely find that "burning off energy" can be a good way to feel better.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 03/27/14 04:52 PM

Lisa -

I'm glad that so many people are talking about meditation in a variety of ways. It might be that a career-drive musician might not read a touchy-feely book about meditation, but they would read one about "how to get ahead" with meditation. Whatever it is that hooks them, at least they're then learning the techniques smile.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 03/27/14 05:03 PM

Do Not Complain Reboot 34 Day 5 -

The event that tripped me up on that last round was, once again, the mess in the house. It was a relatively minor thing but I think because this is such an ongoing problem it builds and builds and then I just snap. This emphasizes for me that handling the underlying issue is key. The fact that I have stress building over time isn't good for me or for my projects I'm working on.

I need to take a two pronged approach.

One, of course, I need to work on the mess. And I am making that effort. Every day I organize just one area. I work diligently down my to-do list. There is progress being made.

Two, though, is I have to be at peace with the current state. Living stressed until a magical day when the house is completely clean seems to be unhealthy. I need to find a place of peace in my mind where I say "yes the house is messy, and it is getting better. It's better than it used to be. And that is all right."

I've pondered why the mess bothers me so. We can't have people over right now, and that bothers me. I'd like to have friends visit for wine or whatever and we can't. Also, we tend to have to waste time hunting for things. I am already incredibly behind on many projects. Time spent on hunting for things is time I could have been catching up on my email backlog. So those things are like the drips of water torture. I need to change my mindset on that. This is all within my own mind.

I need to just have friends over anyway and be content that it's messy when I do.

When I look for things, I need to look at it as an opportunity to clean. It's not "wasted time". It's time I am now investing in making things better. That way each hunting expedition is actually a good thing, to help the house get cleaner.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 08/24/14 11:21 AM

I haven't documented my do-not-complain project in a while. I began this back in 2008 and it is an ongoing process. I have my ups and downs, but like so much in life the benefit is in simply being aware and striving to improve.

I'll call this round Reboot B1 - I think occasionally being attentive to the project helps.

This weekend has been a lovely one. My son is over visiting, I got to spend some time with a friend at her yard sale, and I made progress on two different novels. I'm about to publish my two short stories. We're finalizing the latest issue of the Mused Literary Review which looks just gorgeous. And I got some lovely photos of the cosmos and morning glories in the back yard after I did yoga. So I'm feeling quite content and grateful for what life has to offer.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 11/15/14 09:43 AM

Once again I'm renewing attentiveness to my Do-Not-Complain project, we'll call this Reboot C1. I've been through so much this past month, with the server crash, data loss, and server move. I strove through it all to stay calm and focused. Getting riled up and angry would have made my tasks more difficult. It's not that I was a doormat. I spoke up strongly and repeatedly to the hosting company in order to get things fixed. But I strove not to "whine" - I strove to lay out the issues, lay out our needs, and work hard to achieve them.

I find that positive energy works wonders. As part of this crash and data loss we lost nearly all of our Mused submissions for the upcoming issue. And with the server issues I couldn't email the Mused community to let them know. When I finally got things working I emailed everyone with the state we were in and made a plea for them to resubmit. They all rallied, raced, and we got a normal full blast of submissions to work with! It was awe-inspiring and amazing. Everyone wanted to help.

In amongst all of this, Lulu (who I use to have some books on iTunes and Barnes & Noble) had a glitch and put live two books that were supposed to be Kindle Exclusive. Amazon immediately spotted that and they stripped ALL of my books out of the Kindle Exclusive program. I have 133 books in Kindle, and a fair portion of them were Kindle Exclusive. They had been seeing substantial sales. Rather than get angry, I took a deep breath and looked at that situation. I wrote Amazon to see if they'd undo the change. But I'm also looking at putting all my books out on all platforms. If this is to be my new situation, this could be a very good one - and thank goodness it happened with some lead time before the holidays. I have time to get everything up, live, and set (with Bob's help) to take advantage of all those holiday purchasers. So this could be a great opportunity. If Amazon does indeed put them back into Kindle Unlimited that would be fine too. So I'm just waiting to hear which way they're going to go.

I have so much to be grateful for. A warm house to live in. I'm making progress on the decluttering. We brought in all our potted plants and we have marigolds, peppers, lavender, saffron crocus, and all sorts of cool things growing for me. I have my artwork up in five different galleries. I'm working on an illustrated haiku chapbook that I'm really enjoying. Debi and I are working on an illustrated children's book which I'm loving. I have wonderful friends and a darling boyfriend. To complain that life has its normal ups and downs seems silly. Half the world lives in pennies a day and barely has clothes or food. I am grateful.
Posted By: Lisa - Buddhism

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 11/18/14 12:06 AM

You have certainly had your share of potential 'trigger' moments this month! I have had too, of a different sort- more family issues, etc. I have really had to call upon detachment and self-awareness to not get pulled into old emotional patterns. Some of these old patterns would cause me to move into negativity, complaining etc., and although that did happen at times, for the most part I was able to see through those 'waves' when they started to arise. A big difference from many years ago.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 10/23/17 10:34 PM



Evening meditation time. I got this box in the mail.

Me: What is this?
Bob: That's the New York Times "T".
Me: That's ridiculous. How can you recognize a T? It could be anything.
Bob: That's the New York Times "T".
Me: *opens the box*

Yup, it was the New York Times "T". He gets an "A" in Mindful Awareness.

#namaste
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/14/18 02:59 AM

It's been over ten years since we began the Do Not Complain project! That's pretty amazing!

I'm going to start a fresh reboot on mine. We'll see how tomorrow goes!

Do Not Complain Project on my site MeditateTips - I'm tracking it there too :).

Will you join me?
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 05/27/18 05:39 PM

I have been challenged these past few weeks because it seems every site upgrade I attempt has all sorts of bizarre problems occur, including this update to these forums. Also, lack of sleep makes it hard to handle those challenges :).

I am taking a nap now. When I awake, I will strive to make it through the day and night without a grumpy complaint! Pointing out issues in a healthy manner is always OK.

How are you doing on this project?
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb

Re: Do Not Complain for 1 Month - 07/09/18 09:14 PM

I find it so incredibly powerful to take ownership of one's choices and decisions in life. To realize that we are each in control of our destiny.

We are surrounded by blessings, if we open our eyes to see them.

We always have the tools to handle hurdles. We just have to take a deep breath and take that first step.

That's what the No Complaining project is about. Avoid wasting precious energy on just pointing fingers at others. Use that energy to make things better for yourself.
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