BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Why do you WANT children?

You would probably not be surprised to hear that alot of people feel its WRONG to have only one child. I have been told that alot.

Frankly I prefer to concentrate on one child. Maybe I would have felt differently had I been happily married and had the opportunity to have more then one but I am glad things have turned out like they have. I am single and have been able to put my daughter first without the entanglements and time required to deal with a marriage.

Cherry Red -

I am an only child as well. I've had so many people tell me either that they feel sorry for me for being an only child or they say "you must have been spoiled rotten." Well, I certainly wasn't spoiled, and I'm not sure why they feel sorry for me.

I've also been criticized, as in, "you're an only child so I'm sure you don't know how to share." Or, "you must have socialization issues because you're an only child."

How aggravating. It's like being CF AND an only child is the worst possible combination, because then there are ALL sorts of things wrong with you.

WRONG is so harsh. What an awful thing to say to you! SInce I've always been different than the average person, I just chalk it up to one more thing I don't agree with, but I can't imagine someone saying that to your face. How awful.

My mom and I were in the same situation. We're really close now and neither of us has any regrets. I salute you.


I wasn't spoiled either, Ingelbirt. My mom had no money to spoil me with. I got tons of love, though. I consider myself lucky. Like you, no reason to feel sorry for me. I never wished for sibs.


Every time I shared my toys with the neighbor girl, she broke them, but i still shared them. I always respected people's belongings. My mom taught me right. As for socialization, I had a ton of aunts, uncles & cousins. I knew how to act around other people. How difficult is the golden rule? That's how I was raised.



I know! And now Lisa tells me that even if I had decided to adopt that one little girl (cuz I'd never have more than one kid) I'd still get flack! Well, screw that! There's nothing wrong with you, me, Lisa or her daughter.

People just want you to be like everyone else. I tell my husband this all the time. I know his brother is frusterated with us because we're so different from him & his wife and their sister & her husband and he probably just thinks we should just give in and be just like everyone else. Lord knows, he's out chasing every new trend.

Bah! We like our life. We want to do the things we want to do and live our life the way we want to live it. Some people are never happy until you're just like them. Don't hold your breath, pal.

Kim

Lisa, your daughter may not have been quite the same smart, well-behaved girl, nor as close to you emotionally if she had a sibling or two. She wouldn't have gotten the same upbringing if your attention were divided. She mightn't have been as close to you if you were busy chasing down younger sibs when she needed to talk.

Being an only child has major perks for both child and parent. I can't understand why having just one looked down upon. Most of the adults I know who grew up with siblings experienced more (emotional) harm than good from their siblings, either directly or because having siblings negatively impacted the quality of the parenting they received.

Your daughter is lucky to have the situation you provided for her; she shouldn't be pitied for it.

I'm also in the only child club. My mother has said that she would not have minded having one more child but she was smart to stop at one. I wasn't brought into the most stable family environment and she used her head after that initial mistake.

As for not knowing how to share, please! A lot of kids that had siblings were way more stingy than an only child could ever be. As for socialization issues, I doubt that a bit. It's not like my mother isolated me in a hamster ball and didn't let me out into the world. I learned to interact just like everybody else did, in school.

My mom and I have a great relationship, we depended on each other while I was growing up. She was my best friend but she was never afraid to put on her "mom" hat. I imagine if I had biological siblings, we would not be as close.

The only real thing that I notice about only children is that they tend to need their alone time more so than other people. I get all twitchy if I don't get away from the idiots of the world on a regular basis.

As for being CF and an only? I think it has contributed a bit, because I never really was around kids and never had the desire to be. And it delights me to know that my particular family line is ending with me. I'm putting an end to all the horrible traits that have been inherited through my family, like horrible tempers, alcoholism, and diabetes.

Man, people in this world will criticize other people for just about anything, won't they? We're criticized for not wanting a child. We're criticized for finally wanting one, then ONLY having one. We're criticized if we have too large a family. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

You never know the reasons for a person only having one child. Maybe it was a choice. Maybe it was a circumstance. My Aunt had one child (my cousin) and had many complications during pregnancy and birth. Therefore she had no more children and my cousin grew up to be a wonderful, beautiful, very smart, social and productive member of society. I had another Aunt who had one child who was born with many problems such as mild cerebral palsy, a cleft palate etc. She grew up to be very highly functional (married, employed and had a child) but my Aunt never risked having another child.

We have no idea why people make certain decisions because we do not have to walk in their shoes. Every person has a limit to what they can handle in life and every person has a right to live the life they choose - without accusatory finger wagging, sneers, tisk tisks or guilt trips. People really will bring another person down for just about any reason, won't they?

Update on Easter! they found out who she is and have placed her with family other then her parents. they would not say anything else but I am glad they know who she is and she is with family that will love and care for her! Just thought I would let you all know! She drew me a picture and told the case worker to give it to me because I didnt have a little girl to draw pitcures for me for Easter. Its an Easter bunny and a little girl and it says lav U on it.... isnt that sweet? I little bingo from a 4 year old! lmao it was a sweet gift anyways!

That's precious. You did something nice for her and she wanted to do something nice back. Not a bingo, a thank you. I'd frame it.

Freespirit - how wonderful to hear that. Thanks for the update! I'm glad she drew you a picture.

And regarding siblings: my husband is the oldest of 3 and it wasn't until after we were married that he was able to even go grocery shopping by himself. He was so used to doing EVERYTHING with his family that he really had a hard time going out in public on his own. And he's a loner. What an oxymoron! Go figure.

So, I think that his family being so close actually stunted him socially in a way. I mean, what 24-year-old can't go to the library or the store on his own because it's too lonely?

Oh I hate to go anywhere by myself! well It is one thing to run errons and stuff by myself but to got out and eat or to the shows or something I hate to go by myself! Im 28 and I still feel like If I go out to eat somewhere by myself that people stare at me! I am fat and they alway put my right out in the middle of the resturant at a great big table and its just me and while I am fat I am NOT SOOO FAT that I need a table for 6 just for me! ah... it just makes me uncomfortible. and I am a loner... I have a few friends I hang out with and I am friendly to friendly people but I dont seek people out just to be around people... I just rather hang out at home on the computer and talk to you guys!

I put the picture on the frig. for now I will get a frame for it later this week or I may even put in in the scrap book and put By Easter because my friend could not tell me what the girls real name is or anything regulations and all that... but I will keep it.
It just struck me as a baby bingo if it had came from an adult I would have felt bingoed but this was sweet and cute.....ironic though it was... I think kids in her place would be great spokesmen for the CF. I can see the campain now....

MY mom should not have had any kids she hates them to much!
My mom should think about getting fix herself and leave my doggie alone! Spotty would make a better mom then my mom does!

Think about all the the ways the goverment can get involved in your life just because you have a baby and JUST SAY NO!!!


lmao!