BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Do You Speak Your Mind to Friends Who Are Parents?

And your response to THAT stunning line should be "Yeah, but I WAS a kid for several years so I've got that experience under my belt."

We went out to eat with my cousin an her two young children. The one that was in the high chair threw crackers and cracker wrappers all over the floor. When we got up to leave, I got down on the floor and picked up the mess.

My cousin looked at me oddly and told me I didn't have to pick it up. At the time I worked in a restaurant and I told her it was a hard job and I didn't intend to make more work for the staff. She had the good grace to look embarassed at least. I don't know if she picked up her mess the next time she ate out, however.

I always hated to work fast food places where people come in and eat the kids have been cooped up in a car for who knows how long the parents are cranky and the kids run wild and leave a miss behind and you dont even get a tip or a thanks for cleaning up the huge miss all over the lobby! Trash mustard and ketchup smeared every where toliet paper all over the bathroom and I dont know what all over the walls! fries and bread crumbled and ground into the carpet and gum under the tables and chairs coke spilled all over the floor tables and chairs... yuck and that is just on a slow night! and it is always the family that takes forever and holds up the line and grips about every little thing then expects you to take there food out to them and re fill there drinks and be at there beck and call!!! Mean while you have to deal with the other customers who are getting run over by the other families little "demon spawn hellions" and you have to scream to be heard above them!

On be half of food servers everywhere THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS!!!

Nope.. I'm honest.

However I am honest but try not to be insulting.

For example.. I truly look at a pregnant woman as if she has a parasite inside of her - I am terrified of pregnancy and it's like the 'alien' film... you know, the person is impregnanted.. something bursts out of them and then makes their life hell for ages...

.. well, that's how I view it - now.. all my friends know this, some now have kids.. some don't... when they announced they're pregnant, I'm genuinely happy for them and wish them well and mean it... I'm also genuinely interested in the process and don't actually mind hearing all the icky pregnancy stuff as it just confirms in my mind I sure as hell don't want to go through it.

Thankfully all my friends have my kind of sense of humour - once let me 'poke' her when she was pregnant.. I poked her stomach and tried to see feet etc and when one rippled across her stomach I was like 'Oh my God.. this is better than a horror movie' - I think she welcomed the fact I wasn't coo-ing or talking traditional baby talk.

When the kids are born, my mates show me their child but one actually said 'Don't worry, I know what you're like.. I'm not going to get you to hold him' - Hurrah... I, in turn.. told a *white* lie and said ' Wow.. what a lovely baby' .. ok, so her kid wasn't ugly but he wasn't attractive either.. he was a baby... 'meh' ...

However apart from that, which I liken to 'Noooo... that hairstyle looks lovely but perhaps next time you might consider....' type of lie - I am totally honest.

And one of my mates, after getting stressed with her kids, phoned me up and asked me what to do with them.. I said 'stick them in cages' .. one got in the dog cage.. she took a photo and sent it to me 'You always give good advice' ...

.. sadly the kid didn't stay in there very long, but it shows not all parents loose their sense of humour when they sprog.

I really need to learn how to be honest in a constructive way, because I never speak up around my friends! It's kind of sad actually, since if they are true friends I should be able to be honest, right?

But, in general I feel like I can't be honest w/ any of them about how seriously CF I am and how I really don't enjoy being around their kids either. I certainly don't want to be mean to anyone or hurt anyone's feelings, but I would like to be able to be honest if I think the kid is misbehaving or acting inappropriately.

It's great to read some of your ideas here about how to be honest in a supportive way.

And, if I don't ever find a way to be honest, at least I can always come here and vent!

I tend to keep it all in. They all know I don't want kids because the question has come up, but they don't know to what extent. I am afraid of offending my friends who now all have kids (except for the single ones). They invite me to their kids' bday parties and even bring their kids along to adult parties, which I can't stand. I went to a bday party for a 35 yr old last weekend and it was more of a crying/screaming/baby bottle fest. Ugh...I try to be sensitive to responding to kid questions because I know how it feels when all my mommy friends gang up on me!

I think my friends realize how we feel. My DH is way more vocal than I am about this issue. The problem is that we have 2 nephews and nieces that we are close to so that lends the aura that we like all kids. We don't. We like well-behaved children and our nephews and nieces listen to us. When they stop doing that, we will cut back on our time with them. So far, so good.

I'm usually pretty specific when we have parties that they are adult-only. We have one that include kids, once a year, so we don't seem like ogres. In our house, we dictate what is allowed and what is not. We're not shy in correcting any behaviour we find unacceptable.

In their houses, I tend to walk away and not say much. I will only say something if asked. It does help that my friends don't believe that their children are perfect. In fact, one friend routinely tells me that I am lucky to have such a peaceful life.

Same friend once left her daughter in a change room where she was throwing a tantrum and told me flatly that she could not handle and could I? My curse is that I'm good with kids and they listen to me.

So, to answer your question, we tend to say more at our house and ignore/walk away elsewhere. I do not correct strangers' children unless they try to abuse me and usually it is just a sharp 'NO'.

I don't even think I could've eaten lunch! I can't handle hearing about poop and bodily functions....

Now, maybe if I'm ever on a diet, that might be the way to go, since eating with a group like that would kill my appetite!

Well, I called my best friend a cow the other day. Sort of on purpose. She's a brainless twit but I love her. Here's how it all happened.

We were having Girls' Night, and at the LAST Girls' Night, which was probably about 9 months ago, she said she got an IUD because, news flash, having kids is really hard (she had two back-to-back.) Her original plan was to have five kids back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back.

She said she wasn't probably going to have anymore kids.

Well, on Friday she said something along the lines of how she's "ready to start popping them out again." I looked at her and said, "what are you, a cow?" She just kind of laughed and explained that you have to have all your kids close together so that they have someone to play with. I guess she forgot about how hard it is to have two babies at the same time.

Later we were talking about my SIL's delivery, how it was so easy. My friend started talking about when her two kids were born, how both times she wanted a mirror so she could see what was happening.

Our other friend, who wants kids eventually, made a gagging noise and said something along the lines of "why would you WANT to see that?"

My friend said, "you don't understand, it's not like you're looking at your private parts. You're watching this thing get pushed out of a body" or something like that.

I turned to our friend who wants kids and said, "like a cow."

Well I don't think that went over very well with friend with kids. But she didn't say anything. Friend without kids just started laughing.

But I was being honest. Childbirth is about as close to being like other animals as you can get. It's dirty, it's messy, it's about the most undignified thing that can happen to you.

I've seen a lot of animals being born (on video) and I've watched a few human birthing videos. It all looks pretty much the same.

I'm really enjoying this assertive, straight-forward version of Lynette. Can we keep her?