BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Does she have to stay?

I know this is off topic, but you all are so great at being responsive and supportive.....I invited a friend to spend time together one day after work - to have a "girl's evening." She immediately assumed she would be spending the night with me or that I would be spending the night with her. I prefer that this not be the case. I don't feel that our friendship is that close. I am a very private person and inviting someone into my home to visit or spend the night is a big deal as is going to someone else's home for the night. I know some people may think that is silly, but that is just how I am.

So the delima is...I don't know how to wiggle my way out of the overnight thing. I want to have our "girls evening out" as we do have fun together and she is one of the few friends I have that does not have kids. It is fine if she wants to drop by my house for awhile, but I just prefer she not stay the night. And I surely don't want to go to her house for the night.

Anyone have any suggestions? I don't want to hurt her feelings.

Well, my first impulse is for you to tell her something has come up in your schedule for the following morning, so you'll have to end the night a bit on the early side. She should get the hint.

But that only sidesteps the issue this one time. The bigger problem is that you have a person who has over-interpreted your invitation to the point of inviting herself to be a house guest. I'm kind of stuck on that one... Sorry.

Just one time happen to mention in casual conversation that you don't spend the night at other people's homes and you don't have them spend the night at yours.

Tell them your cousin does that all the time and you just don't see how she does it....shudder at the thought, and then get on with other conversation.

Just simply tell her, but understand that you will end up hurting her feelings in some way (there is no way around it), but you aren't doing it on purpose. You just need to clarify before things get too out of hand (or before she begins to pack her things and come over and realize that she is not spending the night).

Tell her you have a highly contagious disease that only spreads between the hours of 12-8 AM.

Or, something like: i'm super tired and really need to get a good night's sleep - and i'm sure we'd end up staying up late etc etc. Early morning committment etc etc -- start with a little white lie, but if it comes up again, then you can just be honest(ish)

I know you don't want to hurt her feelings but you will not have a very good friendship with this woman if you cannot talk to her truthfully.

Tell her gently but honestly that you would prefer not to make it an overnight outing, but you still want to get together. Hopefully she will respect you and your feelings.

I like Anastasia's advice. And, I agree it's a touchy situation--I don't really know how I would handle it either! Good luck though and let us know what happens.

How weird, inviting yourself to spend the night because someone wanted to have dinner and maybe a few drinks?

I don't think there's any way to get around just telling the truth. She intruded on your space by inviting herself over, so why does she get to offend you without you being able to stick up for yourself?

If you try to dance around it that gives her the opportunity to misinterpret and could likely upset her much more than just coming right out and saying, "look, I don't want to spend the night." You don't even need to give her any reasons for it. It just makes you uncomfortable, and that's all she needs to know.

If she thinks that's weird that she isn't capable of understanding boundaries.

I would feel just the same CFGal, and this does seem weird.

I have to ask, because the thought did occur...is it possible she's interested in you as more than a friend?

The only other logical explanation I could think of is she wants to get really wasted, and share a ride back to one house to pass out. That wouldn't be good though either.

I would just use the "need to get up at 5 am the next day, and are really loud in the morning" excuse. Good luck!

Yes, those thoughts occurred to me too.

But - how about just telling her that you're simply not set up to have overnight guests? That should work unless she knows differently already.