BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids anyone try to make you feel guilty?

too hillarious.. bingo card

Some people ARE breeders though. They thoughtlessly pump out kid after kid that they have no intention of taking care of, physically or emotionally. It IS a derogatory term, but an accurate one.

unfortunately it's acurate... i call them baby mills

I remember when I told a friend I'd decided not to have kids. She's really struggling with her first kid and seemed to understand completely. Then she said to me, as way of encouragement,

"It's okay! It's okay to be selfish."

Uh, what? That's the first time I'd heard the "selfish" thing and I still don't get it.

I also am completely unable to understand how CF people are the selfish ones. It is as unlogical as arguments come.

Selfish?
How an earth can not having children be selfish? It is a personel choice. People with and without children can be selfish, but not having them or having them has nothing to do with it.
That is a judgement of ignorance, who ever said it.

Yes, it is totally ignorant, but it is the general stereotype of society. I hear it all the time, from CF-ers themselves even sometimes ("I've decided not to have kids and be selfish.")

My mom told me that when I was young, and was questioning why have kids. Her viewpoint, paraphrased loosely, was that people who don't have kids are not forced to undergo the dramatic self-sacrifices that parents are, and aren't forced to nurture and care for another human 24/7 whether they feel like it at the moment or not. They are never have that transformational washing over of incredible torrents of love for a helpless being, which immediately calls for putting oneself as a lower priority and another person as the highest priority. Therefore, they don't mature as much, and always will put their own needs first.

So, it's not just about being selfish for material objects, but an assumption that CF people are more in it for themselves, and don't have the same compassion for others because it's never been wrung out of them like parents.

I of course think this is hogwash, so the brainwashing didn't take affect as well as hoped apparently.

If you only get one spin on the merry-go-round, I'm going to enjoy mine and get the most I can out of it. And to be frank, if other people don't like it, they can (quote Men In Black) "kiss my fuzzy little butt". It's none of your damn business, and if you want to call it selfish, go right ahead.I don't CARE.

I always find it interesting how people are really quick to have an opinion on you and your life, as soon as it becomes apparent that you're not "toeing the party line". Not just over the CF thing, but anything and everything else as well. Spending your money travelling? Oh, but you should be saving for retirement. Going to Peru? No, I hear it's really unsafe, better go to Florida instead. You shouldn't snowboard, you're too old and might get hurt. It drives me NUTS. Get off my case already!

(I'm a little pi$$y today, can you tell?? Sorry :-))

As for the original comment - I'd just look surprised and say "oh no, those can't be my children. Mine are down in hell, throwing a party behind my back and sneaking tequila. They're such BRATS!!"

This may be direct and brutal, but here it goes:

What good is compassion and caring if it is forced upon you to be spent on by virtual gunpoint 24/7/365/21+? Would it not be more expedient to choose who and what you decide to be compassionate for?

Hello there -- everyone has something called a brain. It is that mush of stuff in that hard case that is located above your shoulders. I do wish that some people would actually start using more of it.

I choose what I wish to be passionate about. Others have that choice thrust upon them. Who is the smarter one in this case?

Uh oh, Duane took off his 'nice guy' hat. Everybody run!

Totally agree.