logo

Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Could do with some support #337944 09/02/07 04:17 PM
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 5
P
pixiebella Offline OP
Newbie
OP Offline
Newbie
P
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 5
Hi. Im a newbie and wish that i had found this place earlier.

I had my miscarriage on the thursday 21st of June this year and i still cant get my head around the fact that my baby is gone.

I was what i thought was 11 weeks pregnant when i started bleeding on the saturday before the miscarriage (not much but enough!) and i phoned the hospital straight away and was told "some women who bleed go on to lose their babies and some dont"!!! so i tried to take it easy for a couple of days until our scan on the tuesday which we had and although i was still bleeding it was brown and no-one seemed to care. The scan was weird. The heart was beating away but the baby was tiny - about 7 weeks. I was happy but disapointed because we thought we were further on.

On the wednesday the bleeding got red and heavier and i started to get pain. I got sent home from work and my sister in law looked after me till my husband came home. The bleeding wasnt heavy enough to go into hospital so i stayed home. The next day i phoned in sick to rest and in the afternoon i went to the toilet before having a shower and the sac came out.

I was devestated. I called my sister in law but couldnt get her so i phoned my mother in law after the hospital. Then i phoned my husband. He was devestated too. We went to the hospital where i was placed in the middle of the maternity ward listening to babies cry all afternoon. I was marched through the early pregancy ward to get a scan to check it was all gone and the nurses patronised me all day. "you can try again straight away if you like" "it wasnt meant to be" "its more common that you think" and my fave "sometimes something goes wrong when sperm meets egg and body took a while to catch up" Thats what i was told. I was also told my an impressed nurse that the way my body went about it was "neat" as the sac was intact!!!

10 weeks later and my husband seems fine but i still think about it all day every day. Friends are having babies and im not. A girl i know is pregnant but isnt in a long term relationship and has been on a crazy diet for months living on just milkshakes!!! I was on folic acid for 3 months before conceiving and ate healthy, didnt drink or smoke and did everything right and she how smokes, drinks and bascially isnt looking after herself is more than 3 months now!

I've had 2 periods now and each one was a punch in the stomach. The last one my husband said was because we didnt try very hard. Im too scared to try!!! What if it happens again? I feel like my next preganacy will be tainted by this. It wasnt supposed to happen.

I feel like i cant talk about it to anyone. Like i shouldnt still be grieving but i still feel weird seeing babies and hearing about preganacy. We still keep getting baby stuff in the door and i want to cry each time it happens

So stuff i hate seeing just now

Any baby advert
Any pregnancy test advert
The look in peoples eyes when they find out what happened
"you can try again"
"wasnt meant to be"
Unsubscribing to baby websites - there is no miscarriage reason so you still get stuff
The NHS for putting me on that ward
My midwife for never phoning me back
The general lack of advice or support offered to me - not even a leaflet
My work because in some way i feel they are responsible
My husband for not seeing how much im still hurting
My mum for being so unsupportive
My friends for not mentioning it for weeks
My body for killing my baby

So there you go - had more but forgot some. I feel so useless!

Re: Could do with some support [Re: pixiebella] #338009 09/03/07 02:27 AM
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,112
L
Lisa_Orlando Offline
Parakeet
Offline
Parakeet
L
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,112
I am SO sorry. My heart goes out to you. I have no platitudes or hollow words to say, only that I am so sorry.

Re: Could do with some support [Re: Lisa_Orlando] #338105 09/03/07 04:26 PM
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 5
P
pixiebella Offline OP
Newbie
OP Offline
Newbie
P
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 5
Thanks lisa

Re: Could do with some support [Re: pixiebella] #353830 11/13/07 06:19 AM
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 4
L
lbrett Offline
Newbie
Offline
Newbie
L
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 4
Its ok to still be grieving. Dont listen to other people who may tell you it isnt normal. Just dont forget to take care of youself during your grieving time, no matter how long it may be. I felt like my body had killed my baby too and it was a really scary way to feel. Im nervous about my next pregnancy and dont want to try again for at least a year... I think you are very courageous and strong for trying again.

Do you still feel like your husband is oblivious to your pain? Have you talked with him about it? Please take care to nurture your relationship with him just like you should be nurturing your soul. No one can fully understand the emotions of another person, not even other women who have miscarried, but Im sure he would try to help in any way he could. I may sound naive but thats what husbands are for, right? They are our support beams.


"Health! The open sesame to the sucker's purse!"
Re: Could do with some support [Re: lbrett] #354982 11/18/07 08:53 PM
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1
G
galintown Offline
Newbie
Offline
Newbie
G
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1
i dont know if you will get to read this but if its any help to you as your post was to me i feel exactly the same especially with your list. the look in peoples faces when i try reach out especially gets me. and to be honest i have only told people in hope they might say something that would help me move on but they end up making me feel worse with their uncomfortable silence and how quick they are to change the subject. my friends not mentioning it too and the hugh lack of 'how are you' really gets to me. this bad situation has gotten worse with my friends true colours being shown. its been a couple of months and i cant so much as look at a kid without my stomach turning and my heart hurting.i think its ok to still feel this way, mainly cause i cant help it but at the same time im being made feel its not ok. so far ive got 'stop being such a drama queen' and 'its time to move on' both of which have just made me feel worse. if u wanna e-mail me to chat - ill be a good ear....im sorry for your loss.
J
xxx

Re: Could do with some support [Re: galintown] #357038 11/29/07 09:02 PM
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 972
Helen Doll Making Editor Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Parakeet
Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Parakeet
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 972
There are some online support groups that are very helpful. Some have branches around the world. You might try:
nationalshareoffice.com
missfoundation.org
tornfromourarms.com
As a former L&D nurse I had good results with these websites, I was in charge of our pregnancy loss program and I have also lost pregnancies. So I am so sorry for your loss. Please look at the info available about how men grieve differently, it's helpful to realize this. As to what others say, you must grieve in your own way and in your own time. You'll know when you're ready to move on, but you'll never forget.

Re: Could do with some support [Re: Helen Doll Making Editor] #370922 01/30/08 11:04 AM
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 5
P
pixiebella Offline OP
Newbie
OP Offline
Newbie
P
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 5
WEll some bad news for you all. I had another miscarriage. I got pregnant again at the end of october and everything was going well. I had that horrible sick feeling a lot and all the other signs. At 7 weeks i had a tiny bit of bleeding (one day and that was it) so i got a scan and everything looked fine. Last week on the thursday i had some more blood but as i was booked in for a scan this week i wasnt too worried. Then i had more red blood on the friday and phoned thed hospital. I was told to come straight in. It was very bust so i was there all day and when i eventually got the scan i knew something was wrong with the postition the baby was in. There was no heartbeat.

Had to take a tablet and go back on the sunday. I wont go into what happened on the sunday but just say that it was the most horrible experience on my life. i lost a lot of blood and am bruised on the inside. had to get a test to see if i am anemic.

My husband and i are devestated as we thought we were safe. It was at 13 weeks this time so lots of people knew and i just dont know how to cope with it. My husband has been so good in cleaning away all the baby things in the house that we had been buying. we are just so numb at this point. i have taken a whole week off work on my doctor recommendation and we are getting a post mortem done on the baby to try and get answers.

I just feel that if it was a man that had to go through all this everything would be different. The names for things ie miscarrige and the things that they put you through like the exams and what i had to go through. I also feel that it wouldnt be left to chance like it is until you have had at least 3 here in the uk.

So today im angry and hate the world and all my friends and family that had babies with no problem and did things like smoke when i know i didnt do anything wrong. no alchohol, dont smoke, took folic acid and all my vitamins.

Re: Could do with some support [Re: pixiebella] #371453 02/01/08 05:12 AM
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 4
A
AmyH1979 Offline
Newbie
Offline
Newbie
A
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 4
I feel your pain, I had my miscarriage at the being of nov. I was out of the country for six months when i got pregnant. I was only home a week and i started bleeding on that sunday. I freak out, my mom who is a nurse said that sometime pregnant women bleed and everything is fine. She help me call the doctor and they told me to stay in bed and put my feet up. Next day i went into the office. They did an ultrasound and i was told i had miscarried. I was in shock and it didnt help when they put me in an exam room next to another room where a woman was listening to her baby's heart beat. After my miscarriage, my relatives would say its ok, it happens sometimes, its was god's will. and one i got alot was you should be gald u lost it now instead of later like ur cousin. My cousin carried her baby to term and he died. its hard, and even when other meant well, they dont stop to think about what they are saying. Especially if they never experince the lost.

Re: Could do with some support [Re: AmyH1979] #372908 02/06/08 03:18 AM
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 4
M
momto5 Offline
Newbie
Offline
Newbie
M
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 4
I am so sorry that you lost your precious baby. There are no words to say that will take away the hurt and the pain but know that you aren't alone. Sometimes there isn't a reason that the baby dies, it just happens. I hope that you are able to get the answers that you need from the postmortem.
I just experienced my second miscarriage on the 25th of January. I was 16 weeks and like you thought that I was safe. I went in for my check-up and we couldn't hear a heart beat. An ultrasound showed that the baby died just a few days before. I was devastated. I was induced at the hospital and gave birth to my perfect little boy that night.
Sometimes we don't know what is planned for us. Maybe if I carried James to term I would have died in childbirth, or maybe there was something wrong with him that would have killed him shortly before or after birth. Sometimes you can do all that you can to insure a perfect pregnancy and something goes wrong.
Feeling angry and upset is totally natural. You need time to grieve the loss of your baby. Think about what you can do to help you with that. Things that have helped me are naming the babies that I have lost. Maybe you could put a memorial up somewhere for your baby. I found a beautiful statue of a baby sleeping between two angels wings for my last baby that I will be putting in the garden.
Most of all know that you are not alone. Most women have experienced at least 1 miscarriage and for most it was a devastating experience.

Re: Could do with some support [Re: momto5] #386143 03/04/08 05:13 AM
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 4
J
jenniferlou Offline
Newbie
Offline
Newbie
J
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 4
Hello. I just had a miscarriage on Tuesday, then had a D&C on Thrursday. And I totally relate to what you are saying. I was told the same the stuff. And really, there is nothing people can say other than "I'm sorry". But I did not know how common miscarriages are. Nobody talks about them until you have one and then it is like "welcome to the club". The Dr's don't seem to have the answers we are desperately looking for. I have afollow up appointment in two weeks and I am going to write down some questions. I always tend to draw a blank at the moment I am actally there. I have a million questions actually. All I can say is, I think time and love and support are what we will need to get through this. I am not sure if I want to try again for another baby. I am thinking about adoption. This pregnancy stuff is such a [censored] shoot. It is like God is in total control and I have no say. I realize now what a a true miracle each child that is born really is! It is not easy getting here.


Moderated by  Christine - Miscarriage 

Brand New Posts
Who Do You Say He Is
by Lynne - ChristianLiving - 05/22/20 04:18 PM
When God Interrupts Your Plans
by Lynne - ChristianLiving - 05/21/20 12:50 PM
Mental Health Awareness
by Tuculia - 05/21/20 03:35 AM
Understanding Home Sewing Patterns
by Angie - 05/17/20 03:37 PM
2020: On this day . . .
by Mona - Astronomy - 05/17/20 11:05 AM
Skip the Calorie Counting
by Alice - Weight Loss - 05/15/20 03:15 PM
Moons of Mars - Facts for Kids
by Mona - Astronomy - 05/15/20 10:08 AM
Alaska - A State apart
by DebFrost - Alaska - 05/13/20 06:49 PM
Basic Brioche Stitches
by Korie - Folklore//Knitting/Yoga Editor - 05/12/20 07:00 PM
Yoga and Body Image Coalition
by Korie - Folklore//Knitting/Yoga Editor - 05/12/20 06:56 PM
Privacy
This forum uses cookies to ensure smooth navigation from page to page of a thread. If you choose to register and provide your email, that email is solely used to get your password to you and updates on any topics you choose to watch. Nothing else. Ask with any questions!
Channel List
Beauty & Self
Books & Music
Career
Computers
Education
Family
Food & Wine
Health & Fitness
Hobbies & Crafts
Home & Garden
Money
News & Politics
Relationships
Religion & Spirituality
Sports
Travel & Culture
TV & Movies
Safety
We take forum safety very seriously here at BellaOnline. Please be sure to read through our Forum Guidelines. Let us know if you have any questions or comments!
Sponsor


| About BellaOnline | Privacy Policy | Advertising | Become an Editor |
Website copyright © 2020 Minerva WebWorks LLC. All rights reserved.


Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.3