BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids I failed to make a fuss, I must be evil

WTG, LL! To be a fly on the wall when that exchange happened... (but only if there wasn't a flyswatter around)

I have never gotten excited when people bring babies around. What's even worse is when they ask you if you want to "hold it"! There is nothing that I want to do less in those situations.
I think most babies look like... babies.. big deal! Some are even pretty ugly, but it's not like you are going to actually say that! I'm too polite for that, so I just stay at my desk and don't mingle with the folks adoring the baby. Now if somebody brings in a dog or a cat, that's a totally different matter. The little wet noses, the shiny eyes, the soft fur, the jelly beans, the cuddles...

I have to say, I don't think people who coo over babies are any less insane than myself who can go to a cat rescue site or spend hours online looking at persian breeders websites (*apparantly* persians are the most popular breed of cat in the US... you lovely US people think that's true?) I can go into raptures over colleagues cats and have actually found a couple of women who have fur-babies.... one has children (grown up kids) and the other is CF.... but the convo is like ' Hi.. How is your cat?' (straight to the important stuff!).

Thing is... I don't like being rude and if someone showed me a baby / kid photo I would be polite and try and take an interest ... 'He has your eyes'... 'Oh, that's sweet' - I mean, there is no need to be obnoxious just because you don't like something as long as they don't force a kid on you and if you work with these people, you should accept that people have different interests...

But... politeness and respect goes both ways in my opinion.

I just thought 'hang on.. you've brought up my cat photo and then have turned round and said that?' .. red card situation.

I had a FANTASTIC convo about pregnancy and childbirth with a colleagues wife about a year ago... She had recently had a kid and I started quizzing her on stuff, not polite 'surface' questions but really probing questions about stuff I wanted to know .. 'So *can* you have sex straight away after childbirth? does your [censored] go back into shape straight away? How much blood is there really? could you walk straight away? do you now have bladder problems?'

Thankfully she was a very loud and very fun American lady who thought I was hysterically funny and relished telling me all about it and watching me cringe - she said it was rare for someone to be genuinely interested as most people 'politely' ask the normal questions ' How much did he weigh?' etc... (boring) She then listened to me recall the time my cat escaped... and showed interest in my 200 or so cat photos on my phone.

See, give and take - she was cool :-D

Does anyone else find these offers to hold a person's baby rather odd? It's a human being, after all, not a toy, even if it has little say in what's done to it. Perhaps I'm overanalysing, but to me it's like introducing a new girlfriend and wondering if you'd like to give her a little squeeze, so you can pretend she's your own for a minute. Why does the fact that the person in question is small make a difference?

Maybe because the parents enjoy holding/hugging the baby, and they assume you will too. It doesn't occur to them that it would make you uncomfortable. I usually worry about not holding it right or even doing something wrong and heaven forbid, while you hold it, it starts crying! Which is embarrassing... I think the parents just want to share their joy with you, and I can understand that, but they often don't understand that not everybody gets a kick out of that.

I'm sure that's right, fatina. I just find the whole thing a bit odd - I love hugging my boyfriend but I don't offer him to others so they can share the joy (admittedly, unlike a baby, he could say no!)... And what makes them think that their baby would enjoy being passed around by a group of strangers anyway?

You know, when I really think about it, I don't mind doing the obligatory, polite, 'awwww' when someone shows me a picture of a baby or a pet, but I don't like it when people start going into numerous stories about the 'hilarious' or 'adorable' things that they've done. I don't mind one or two, and I certainly enjoy pet stories better, but I still get irritated when people go on and on. There aren't many people who can make even pet stories interesting enough that I'd want to listen for more than 15 minutes.

That's just me, though, please don't get mad at me, I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with people talking about their pets here.

You know, when I think about it, I think I've GIVEN those sort of looks when people don't look at my dog the way I want them to! LOL

I feel like the most awkward person on earth when someone wants me to coo about their children. I usually try to run far far away if I see the situation in the near future.

Now if it was a kitten or puppy I'd knock everyone over trying to get to it, and you couldn't get me to stop holding it.

I personally absolutely adore babies and am willing to hold any baby offered. My four are more than enough, so I won't be having anymore. I've only been asked if I want to hold a baby by people who know me well. It would be odd if someone I barely knew asked and I would probably say no. I mean, it wouldn't hurt my feelings if someone didn't want to hold my baby. Or my dog. Or my cat.I also remember when my last one was born, it seemed like people EXPECTED me to ask them if they wanted to hold the baby, and I didn't want to give her up! I hate the cooing over baby pictures, though. I love it when people say, "Oh, here's the picture of my baby/grandchild/whatever. You don't have to say how cute he/she is, because really most newborns are pretty ugly." It cracks me up and takes care of the false "How cute." If a parent does seem to want a reaction I just say, "You must be so proud!"