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good post mommyworld. You're right, no matter how hard it is, it can be ok, and the truth is, no matter what, tomorrow does come, time passes.

Tom Hanks' character in Sleepless in Seatle, I'm just going to get up every day and breathe, sometimes that is all you can do.

Hi, I'm Angie.

Divorced twice and married now, but separated. Love my husband but can't stand his children (adult girls). It's sad but I guess I've become intolerant in my old age. I'm 52 and the thought of starting over again is very scary indeed. But, I'd rather be alone than living in a hellish situation like I was. The girls made me a visitor in my own home. Our home was in their minds theirs, I was an interloper, they took things without asking and dumped what they didn't want at our house. They confronted me every couple of months and told me how awful I was. I was not the first woman to leave my husband because of these children. They had even gotten physical with one of his girlfriends. I tried before leaving to get my husband into therapy (I was going alone) but he refused. Didn't think they had a problem. The whole family was in denial, even their grandparents.

Anyway, it will be nice to talk to people who are going through the same thing I am. I fluctuate between relief and sadness. I'm not the type to be depressed so after a day of feeling sorry for myself, I usually snap out of it. I have a wonderful supportive family and friends. They keep me going. I also have a beautiful daughter (24). His girls ran my daughter off ( we lived in Houston) some time ago. They threatened her. But of course that didn't happen because my husband refused to believe it even with the proof in his face (emails and phone messages). That's what he would always say after another confrontation. Well, I didn't see or hear it so I don't know who to believe. So, I'm looking forward to hearing from people of like minds who are going through similar events.

Take care.

Hi 88888,

Sorry you're going through this horrible situation. I think your estranged husband is a jerk. Something people often realize in a first marriage, which is that your spouse is FIRST not the children, is often forgotten in second marriages. That is one reason why the divorce rate is so high for 2nd marriages.

Welcome to the group, and I sincerely hope things turn around for you.

Hey all, I"m totally new to the board. I'm 40, with two small kids, and just now filling out the paperwork to divorce my alcoholic husband.

I'm bummed, but I can't take the alcoholic anymore, and he admitted that he never was in love with me, but felt marrying me was the right thing to do at the time.

However, I hold no malice towards him. No point. I just wish him the best. He is still my children's father.

I just don't want it to get ugly, but I don't want him to have any custody of them because of his drinking and feel he might not like the idea of not having custody.

*sigh*

Hi Candlemama,

Welcome to the boards. I am sorry you're going through a divorce. I understand a little about alcoholism as my father is an alcoholic. He is in recovery but sometimes it was very difficult. I bet your husband really did/does love you, but it is easier for him to lash out and say nasty things to you like that right now.

Do you have a lawyer?

Instead of approaching this as he isn't to have any custody, make it possible for him to have lot of time with the children IF he does what he needs to do such as get help for his alcoholism. That way no one (including a judge) will ever accuse you of alienating your children from their father. You will also be doing the right thing for the children, protecting them now, but encouraging a relationship with the father if he gets well.

Make sure you collect the proof you need for your lawyer and for the courts. It is very important to keep good records and most of all talk to your lawyer, tell your lawyer everything.

Best wishes to you and your children.

Thanks for the welcome. I was wondering, how do I collect proof? I have pictures of him passed out and journal posts of his drunken manuevers (sp?).

I just contacted an attorney yesterday, and discovered that if I disagree with the 50/50 custody, the state automatically awards primary custody to me. Which allowed me to take a deep, cleansing breath.

In regards to him not loving me, I'm sure of it and he explained why. It would explain a lot, but it doesn't help with me not feeling like the last eight years were a rip off. lol..

Typically just keeping a journal of his behavior without any emotional commentary can be acceptable in court. Also, if he leaves the house to drive drunk, call the police. Any records of police involvement, and other people witnessing drunk behavior will help.

It's unlikely you have much to worry about. I can sure relate to feeling ripped off the last eight years. But, you have your children, so the relationship could never truly be a complete waste.

Hi everyone..I posted most of my story on the board a few months ago. I am 28 and married almost four years, but currently separated. This was my first marriage and the divorce has been devastating to me as I never saw it coming. My husband and I were happy (or it seemed we were) and one day he walked in and said he wanted a divorce. Turns out that he'd been cheating on me for months. This has been a terrible, rocky road. Not only have I lost my best friend, but I also lost my home...had to sell. We did get a good profit on the home and the divorce has been civil so far, so I am thankful for that. And I am thankful that we don't have children...how much worse things would be if I had to worry about their well being and keeping custody.

It is relieving to tell this to people who can relate. And I can also relate to being ripped off the last 10 years of my life...that is how long ex-hubby and I had been "together" and I feel that piece of my life was a complete and utter waste of time (other than getting my college education). We waited until I graduated from college to get married...thank goodness...do you know how depressing it would be to have HIS last name on my diplomas?!?

So..at this point, I am doing my best to learn to live life without him. At first, I didn't believe it when others told me, "It will get easier as each day passes." But, it does get easier. Day by day, I find it is easier, although I still have my really bad days....had one yesterday and it was terrible.

I've rambled enough for now...thanks for listening and take care.

After i divorced I changed my name back to my maiden because I did not want his last name on my diplomas! lol

One thing I've come to believe is that as long as I am learning something, nothing is ever a complete waste.

I divorced after 27 years of marriage and I have now been married 3 years, but not sure this was the right choice. Maybe I should have stayed single longer...I married 2 years after my divorce. I live in a small conservative town and to divorce again would be very difficult for my career and I am not sure it would be for good enough reasons. I thought I knew my husband well and that we felt the same about most things. After we were married I realize he sold himself well. He is not motivated to work hard so we just barely make it finacially (I agreed to a high morgage because I thought he would be contributing an equal amount of money for the payments) and he has no desire to work harder or get a better paying job. My credit is now so bad after paying his debts I don't think I could get another morgage I would have to just find a place to rent. At my age I want to be able to have some spending money, travel and enjoy life. I am a very positive person and think the best of people, he comes home every night complaining about the people he works with/for and the customers. According to him, everyone is stupid, dishonest or someother bad trait except of course him and I. His attitude is so bad I often just disengage and spend my evening in another room. He is a very likeable guy and everyone that meets him likes him right away. He is fun to be with and make me laugh most all the time. He has friends from years ago and makes friends easy so I think he only complains to me. I know I will be just fine without him but I do enjoy his company and my children & grandchildren have a very good relationship with him. I am not even sure if I love him anymore or if I just go through the motions. I have talked to him about these problems and he is great at talking things through but then nothing ever happens to improve. He won't go to counseling, when I suggested we get some counseling saying I don't know if I can continue, he just says 'I don't want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me, so do what you want'. Right now I can't afford to see someone for counseling anyway.