Hi stepmom,
Even if you think you can't afford to see anyone, check your insurance, you never know. AND even if he won't go talk to a counselor, it will help if you go. Plus, he might come to counseling if it's presented as a way to help you, rather than him.
At any rate the counselor can help you with ways to present problems to him that will make him feel empowered to do something. He might be feeling helpless and that is why he says the things he does.
Also, check within your community and see if any of the churches in your area have any marriage groups. There are really some excellent intensive workshops out there than can help you both.
I hope you figure out what to do. But you know you cannot worry about what others think of you. You have to do what makes life good for YOU, not him, not the neighbors.
BEST to you.
