BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Why do I find it so unappealing?

My DH's mom was a SAHM for about 10 years, I think. DH can do nothing for himself. She did EVERYTHING for her kids, which I think is VERY unhealthy.

I also have two friends whose mom was mostly a SAHM (she also did a little subbing on the side.) She quit her career when she had the kids (DH makes a LOT of money, though.) Both kids are now far, far away. One is in LA, the other is in Italy. She is kind of lost without them. I feel bad because she just gave up her life for the kids and now they're gone (one is pursuing acting, the other has a fantastic job.) It's like, what now? I hear she is really lonely.

My dad's mom was a SAHM mom while my mom's mother was not. Dad's mom, though, dropped out of high school when she was 16. When I was a little kid I thought she was a SAHM because she wasn't very smart enough to have a job (I feel bad for having thought this, so I've made a point of getting to know her better.)

I guess those experiences are what makes me think that being a SAHM is a bad idea.

As far as daycare, I think it's awesome. My sister used to get free babysitting services from her family - it was worked out to have a different sitter every day, which my nephew loved (I had him on Thursdays.) But she decided to put him in daycare because he wasn't getting socialized enough and couldn't play with other kids, and he LOVES going to daycare. I really think it's necessary for kids to learn those skills, and I think daycare is a great place to learn them, especially a home daycare (although I don't know how those women do it!)

I am really getting tired of explaining things to trolls. Could the moderators maybe do something about this? We have to say the same things over and over again, and then a new troll who didn't read the previous explanation comes in and starts it up again.

This is not about you. You have lots and lots of mommy sites to go to. Go there now and leave us alone.

I have no need for mommy sites, but ty for the suggestion.

If you don't like it, don't read it!

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And what about women who's lives completely revolve around their work, or hobby, or whatever? Do they lose their identity too? This subject makes me so angry. You mention freedom. Yes, we are free to chose to have children or not but I dont think It is right to use our freedom to bash another woman's choice.

BTW, some ppl here say some pretty horrible things and it leaves me wondering what kind of parents raised you. Perhaps they would have been better off childless!!![/quote]

Becky, I think what a lot of people here are exasperated about is those folks who just have ONE hobby/focus anymore. It doesn't really matter what that is. A person who just focuses on their children and nothing else is just as annoying as the person who JUST focuses on their career, or JUST on shopping, or JUST on fitness. They are very one-dimensional and not very interesting to talk to, especially when you don't share their interests. Imagine a friend of yours who is really into stamp-collecting, and every time, (EVERY SINGLE TIME) you see them, that's all they talk about. Maybe you would find it boring after a while.

I just went through this conversation on another CHILD-FREE BY CHOICE website. I was so happy, well I thought, to find these websites thinking I could actually have discussions without having to deal with woman w/children who put in their comments about our posting on a website that is suppose to be CFBC. IS this a debating board? I was not looking for that. I wanted to have a place I could go w/o being judged or debated with for not having kids. I am really getting disappointed and I guess there really aren't any places to go that is separated from parents????? Verynicebecky...why are you on this board? You don't agree with our lifestyle and the way wer feel...are you just looking for a debate?

My mom was a SAHM for my brother and myself when we were little. This was in the 70s, so maybe it was more common then. I'm glad she did, because I was kind of a sensitive kid, and I don't know how I would have handled daycare. But, maybe if I had never known any different, it would have been okay. I did go to pre-school/Mother's Day Out so I had social skills with other kids when I started school. Plus, I played with the neighborhood kids. Once we got into elementary school my mom worked part-time and did PTA stuff. It would have been hard for her to have a career since we moved around every 4 years or so due to my dad's job. When my brother and I got into high school, my mom started working full time, then when I graduated, she became a flight attendant, fulfilling a dream she'd had to give up when she married in the 1960s. So, she didn't pine away when she no longer had kids to look after.

I think things are different now, and it's hard for many families to raise kids on one income, and couples often split before the kids are grown, so daycare is often more of a necessity. I'm not saying one way is better than the other, but it depends on the circumstances of the family. I guess I do feel that babies/little kids benefit from having a parent take care of them. Day care is so expensive, I know I would hate to work just to give most of my income to a day care center, if I were a parent. I'm glad I'll never have that decision to make, anyway!

Cindy

Jzel, every once in a while we get these drive-bys. They are just trolls who have no lives. (Probably because they are SAHMs with nothing better to do with their time. Sorry, I couldn't resist. I'm getting edgy.)

We tend to get very, very upset when trolls come on here and say some nasty things. We are VERY defensive sometimes and will come to the aid of a fellow poster who is getting flamed. Luckily, it doesn't happen too often, although it seems like we've had more than our share in the last few weeks.

She's not looking for a debate. Like I said, she has nothing better to do with her time. She probably doesn't even have kids. She probably just goes around to different boards posting negative replies to whatever the current topic is.

Just wanted to make sure everybody is clear that the other Becky is definitely not me, Becki ... just in case!

I absolutely agree. I think if a mom can be a SAHM and still have other interests, then that is fantastic. I just don't like seeing SAHMs doing EVERYTHING for their kids, or giving up all their interests because they have kids. You aren't doing either yourself or your kids a favor!!