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#368607 01/22/08 05:41 PM
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This week, I wrote about dealing with insensitive comments after a miscarriage. I'm sure every one who has experienced a miscarriage has heard at least one. Weigh in. What were the comments you heard that you could have done without? How did you deal with them?


b]Christine Beauchaine[/b]
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I had a miscarriage at the beginning of Nov. A few of my relatives said some things. My cousin cristina carried her baby to term and he died. So when everyone heard that I had miscarriage, alot of them said its ok, it happens, but be gald u lost him now instead of later like cristina. I know they meant well and were trying to cheer me up. But it still hurt.

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Insensitive Comment Round Up? I just found out yesterday that at 12 weeks my baby has passed away. When I told my best friend this morning she asked me if I wanted to be on her "Beer Volleyball league because I can drink now." I am a 30 year old professional - it must have just been what was on her mind. Apparently my whole pregnancy was messing up her team.

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Heather, i am so sorry for your lost!
And your thoughtless friend


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My mom -- who usually is wiser than this in interpersonal issues -- said to me, "Well, at least I know you know there was probably something wrong with it." (It was an early mis -- at 5 weeks.) But I didn't know that -- I have infertility problems, and it could have been a hormonal imbalance. And no matter the cause, the fact that I conceived and than lost it, I didn't want to hear anything but "Poor baby." (Yeah, I know, selfish of me!)


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With my first miscarriage some "friend" said, "Well, it's better because you probably had a deformed one inside you anyway.That's nature's way of dealing with abnormalities."

I was crushed and never spoke to her again.

Last edited by kristen houghton; 06/15/08 08:10 PM.

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My miscarriage was a partial molar - a true genetic abnormality when my best friend heard this she said oh, "so you had like a deformed alien inside you." I was so dumbfounded that she could say this two weeks after i lost the baby that I had so loved. I laughed even though I wanted to cry. I went through the motions of our friendship for the next two months, but since I have started getting a hangle on things I have taken a closer look at our friendship and have not spoken to her.

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Ladies,

I am so sorry for the pain that all of you went through.

Not only in losing your children, but in losing friends and family support, too.

There was a thread on here the other day about "empathy". We are sorely lacking that in the world today.


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My grandmother, whom I love dearly, upon learning of my miscarriage at 19 weeks... "Good you don't really need more kids anyway"....

sigh

Last edited by Stephanie-Divorce; 06/24/08 10:10 PM.

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The "it's not so bad" response: "It's not like you can't get pregnant again. There's always next time."




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