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#364192 01/06/08 11:57 PM
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1
kutlirs Offline OP
OP Offline
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1

I don't usually "post" my feelings but I am hoping for some guidance here. I am a lucky mom to 3 beautiful children ages 11-4. My husband and I decided through much deliberation to add to our family. I have never taken more than one try to get pregnant but this time it took nearly six months and FINALLY I became pregnant. After 3 positive tests I went to the dr a week later and the nurse told me I wasn't pregnant. I got totally freaked out but the dr came in and said my test WAS positive but it was just very early and the nurse made an error. Well three days later at nearly 6 wks I miscarried. this was my first miscarriage and I haven't been the same since (it happened 2 and half weeks ago).
I feel that maybe I was being greedy to want a fourth child? Is that crazy? Now I am scared to try again and my husband isn't sure we should.

We're young, 33 and 35, and have kids who don't "need us" in that baby way. He's ready to begin grownup life. I am so scared to stop being a baby's mom. I don't know how to be anything but that for nearly 12 years now.

If I don't try again how do I move forward with my life? I hear people in my head saying "You're young, go get a career, work go back to college (I only completed two years) etc." But, I feel that in my heart I am meant to be a mom, I am meant to raise another baby. I am devoted to my family but now I am scared of A-having another miscarriage and B- ending up with an ill child. Is it greedy to want 4?

PLease offer help...

I just don't know what to do here. Any help?

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Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 16
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 16
Hi Kutlirs,
Sorry to hear about your miscarriage. It is a heart-breaking exeperience, a little life gone before we even got to know him/her.

Please don't feel guilty for wanting another child. We all are here wanting to be mums, and wanting to share our love with a child.

Whether you already have kids or this was your first pregnancy, it still is a real tragedy. My mum had 5 kids. She was such a great mum, and for us it was so good to grow up having each other.

I am 28, and have had 4 miscarriages. Part of me says like you, you are still young, that there is so much I can do. But for me the greatest adventure would be to be a mum. It is something that I feel would come naturally to me, and a life I feel a great calling to.

Unfortunately it hasn't happened like that. All I can do is be patient and see what happens, and deal with it all when it happens. Sometimes I get quite sad about it all, because for the last year and a half I have been in limbo, my career has gone downhill because I couldn't concentrate on anything else but having a baby, and of course it is all secret because I don't want my boss getting any wind of this.

After 4 miscarriages, I have to start thinking about my life. Have learned that having a child is not a choice or cannot be planned. It is all part of nature, and sometimes even though we might have all the right parts and it might be the perfect time, it just doesn't happen like that. There is no real explanation, and not many words can comfort. It just makes me value life so much more. Oh dear..

Well what we've decided to do, is to just try and keep planning other stuff. We are going travelling in India in Feb and to the US in April. So this will keep our minds open. Am trying to get my driving test at the moment and do think about maybe doing a night course at the beginning of next year.

Sometimes I feel that maybe we should adopt, that there are plenty of kids out there that need to be loved. And feel bad that I want to bring another child into this world when there are so many kids that need loving parents. There are a hundred things that go thru the brain, and we feel guilty for our natural maternal instincts. It is part of us to want to be a mother, to bear children, (ideally) the product of love between the man I love and myself.

My advice is just to be open, and let nature take its course. I haven't used contraception for years. If you are not sure, this is a really good site about understanding your cycle, and then you can decide each month whether to avoid ovulation or to give it ago:BellaOnline ALERT: Raw URLs are not allowed in these forums for security reasons. Please use UBB code. If you don't know how to do UBB code just post here for help - we will help out!

Moderated by  Christine - Miscarriage 

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