BellaOnline Forums Health and Fitness Miscarriage Miscarried Aug 15/07 - need a hug today

I miscarried back in August. I had hummed and hawed about having kids for years and finally made the decision to try about a year and half ago. It took a year but I finally got pregnant. To be honest, I was still nervous about having children but by the 10th week of my pregnancy, I started feeling excited and was getting ready to tell people.

I started a new job on Monday, August 13. On my third day at the new job, I drove to work and as I got out of the car, noticed that my panties were wet. I went straight to the washroom and that's when it all happened. I felt like I lost my insides into the toilet. There had been no warnings. No spotting or cramping. Just a huge flush as I sat down on the toilet at work. I ran back to my car, drove home and called first the mid-wife - who told me to get to the hospital - and then my husband. My husband hurried home and drove me to the hospital. By now the bleeding was very bad and I knew what had happened. But I didn't feel devistated, just surprised that this could happen to me. I was 12 weeks pregnant.

I lost a lot of blood at the hospital. Had an ultrasound that confirmed the miscarriage and was given some pain killers. The doctor asked if I was feeling any pain and I said no, just mild cramping. He said that was normal, that the bleeding would continue for 3-4 days and that I should rest.

My husband and I drove home and I ate a huge lunch. I felt fine, physically, but the emotional side of things started to hit me. To be honest, I didn't feel any connection to the baby and my emotions on that day, and still now, seem to be more geared toward the experiences that I've missed out on. I was really looking forward to being pregnant and on days like today I catch myself wondering what my body would feel like at 7 months pregnant.

Later on that afternoon, I was still feeling fine, but with more severe cramping. I told my husband I was OK and sent him out to walk the dogs and get some groceries. Just after he left, the cramping got really bad. They were very intense, lasting over 5 minutes each with only 30 to 60 seconds in between. I called my mom to tell her what had happened, but had to hang up because of the pain. Then "the" cramp came. It lasted about an hour and was very intense. I tried walking, lying down, sitting on the toilet, screaming, nothing helped. No one had told me the cramping would be this strong and the painkiller didn't seem to help. I had no idea what was going on so I called 911. The ambulance arrived just as my husband got back home. By the time I got back to the hospital the cramp had ended. That was the last one and I felt fine again afterwards. I just wish someone had told me what to expect.

I was an emotional wreck for the next 2 weeks. I would be out, walking the dogs, thinking about a movie, or our latest vacation, or what to cook for dinner, when out of the blue I would just start crying. It wasn't thoughts of the baby, just overwhelming emotions coming to the surface. I told everyone I know about the miscarriage - not for sympathy - just so they would understand if I suddenly broke out in tears. Everyone was very supportive and I was thankful that I had told them, even though no-one had known of the pregnancy.

Today, 4 months later, I mostly feel fine but get the odd day where I start crying out of the blue. Today is one of those days. I felt like I needed to get it out. So thank you for taking the time to read this.

(((((Marksgirl))))

Thank you for sharing. This must have been difficult for you to do. Hopefully your post will help others who are going through this.

I hope you have a wonderful holiday season!

Hugs -
Sheri

Boy did your story bring back memories! Not good ones, I'm afraid... My first pregnancy ended at 13 weeks, a day or two after I told everyone. The day I came back to work everyone was congratulating me. It was weird.

At the time, my husband was the only one who could tell me something that gave me comfort. We had been trying to get preganant for over a year also, and he said "At least now we know we can get pregnant." OMG, I went through all of that, and he is happy he learned something new! But my husband is not an optimist and he was trying to turn it around for me. But he was strong, and he gave me some strength.

As I spoke to people, I learned about the very high percentage of miscarriages out there. Years from now, as you talk to people, more and more will admit to losing one. I lost more than one and it took a long time to get what I want, but now I have a 20 year old, 18 year old, and 16 year old. They are all healthy and happy, and I am so glad to have them in my life.

There are a lot of books available the discuss miscarriages. The loss is real and it might help to read about it.

So, as stupid as it sounds, at least now you know you can get pregnant. When, and if you want to try again, I wish you the best of luck.

I have a lot of friends who have miscarried. It's a very difficult thing to go through, and I can't imagine how it must make you feel. It takes quite a bit of time to get back to normal again, years even for some, but it does eventually happen.

Best of luck with any future pregnancies, and I hope you and your husband both have a nice holiday season.

Hi Marksgirl,
Thanks for taking the time to share your miscarriage experience. I find it helpful to read what other women are going thru and to feel that I am not alone and not crazy for feeling sad all of a sudden.

It is strange the sense of loss from a miscarriage even months/years afterwards. Am at work at the mo, just feeling really down, and not in the least bit interested in what I should be doing.

It sounds like your miscarriage was very traumatic, I have never suffered the cramping that you have. Am sure it was very scary.

Have just had another miscarriage (the 21st Dec), it was bizarre because the day I found out I was pregnant I started to bleed, so I don't know what to feel. But I am starting to lose hope that I will ever have a child. I guess am at the stage when I just feel powerless. We think about adoption but have done nothing to even investigate the process. I feel my life is on hold. We have plans to go to travelling in February, so our lives don't get centred around having babies, but to be honest I am not that interested. It is hard to tell people about it, because when they are blas� it hurts.

I guess what I want to say is, that we are here for you, and thinking of you. That if I was there in person I would give you a big hug, and maybe have a few tears with you. Here is an e-hug and some love sent your way.

God bless and wish you lots of hope in 2008
Thel xx

It's now three years sincethe miscarriage I described above. not sure if anyone will read this now (since the original post is so old)but it will feel good to put my thoughts down.

Almost 2 years ago I gave birth to a healthy boy. He's the light of our life and I've given little thought to that awful miscarriage (although I was a bit worried throughout my pregnancy). But now I dind myself in the midst of a 2nd miscarriage. It started 3 days ago at the airport - of all the inconvenient places - and I'm still waiting to pass tissue. i was only 6 weeks pregnant this time and the miscarriage has been much easier on me. No gushes of blood/tissue, now harsh cramping and so far, no depression. I guess the big difference now is that I kind of know what to expect and I know for sure that I can carry a baby full term.
last time I felt alone - even though my friends and family were wonderfully supportive. It wasn't until I found this forum that I felt someone knew what I was going through. Thank you to everyone for sharing their stories and coommenting on mine.

Big hug out to you :queen: Hope you can feel some peace at this moment.

Hi libbyincalgary!

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