Miscarried Aug 15/07 - need a hug today - 12/21/07 09:43 PM
I miscarried back in August. I had hummed and hawed about having kids for years and finally made the decision to try about a year and half ago. It took a year but I finally got pregnant. To be honest, I was still nervous about having children but by the 10th week of my pregnancy, I started feeling excited and was getting ready to tell people.
I started a new job on Monday, August 13. On my third day at the new job, I drove to work and as I got out of the car, noticed that my panties were wet. I went straight to the washroom and that's when it all happened. I felt like I lost my insides into the toilet. There had been no warnings. No spotting or cramping. Just a huge flush as I sat down on the toilet at work. I ran back to my car, drove home and called first the mid-wife - who told me to get to the hospital - and then my husband. My husband hurried home and drove me to the hospital. By now the bleeding was very bad and I knew what had happened. But I didn't feel devistated, just surprised that this could happen to me. I was 12 weeks pregnant.
I lost a lot of blood at the hospital. Had an ultrasound that confirmed the miscarriage and was given some pain killers. The doctor asked if I was feeling any pain and I said no, just mild cramping. He said that was normal, that the bleeding would continue for 3-4 days and that I should rest.
My husband and I drove home and I ate a huge lunch. I felt fine, physically, but the emotional side of things started to hit me. To be honest, I didn't feel any connection to the baby and my emotions on that day, and still now, seem to be more geared toward the experiences that I've missed out on. I was really looking forward to being pregnant and on days like today I catch myself wondering what my body would feel like at 7 months pregnant.
Later on that afternoon, I was still feeling fine, but with more severe cramping. I told my husband I was OK and sent him out to walk the dogs and get some groceries. Just after he left, the cramping got really bad. They were very intense, lasting over 5 minutes each with only 30 to 60 seconds in between. I called my mom to tell her what had happened, but had to hang up because of the pain. Then "the" cramp came. It lasted about an hour and was very intense. I tried walking, lying down, sitting on the toilet, screaming, nothing helped. No one had told me the cramping would be this strong and the painkiller didn't seem to help. I had no idea what was going on so I called 911. The ambulance arrived just as my husband got back home. By the time I got back to the hospital the cramp had ended. That was the last one and I felt fine again afterwards. I just wish someone had told me what to expect.
I was an emotional wreck for the next 2 weeks. I would be out, walking the dogs, thinking about a movie, or our latest vacation, or what to cook for dinner, when out of the blue I would just start crying. It wasn't thoughts of the baby, just overwhelming emotions coming to the surface. I told everyone I know about the miscarriage - not for sympathy - just so they would understand if I suddenly broke out in tears. Everyone was very supportive and I was thankful that I had told them, even though no-one had known of the pregnancy.
Today, 4 months later, I mostly feel fine but get the odd day where I start crying out of the blue. Today is one of those days. I felt like I needed to get it out. So thank you for taking the time to read this.
I started a new job on Monday, August 13. On my third day at the new job, I drove to work and as I got out of the car, noticed that my panties were wet. I went straight to the washroom and that's when it all happened. I felt like I lost my insides into the toilet. There had been no warnings. No spotting or cramping. Just a huge flush as I sat down on the toilet at work. I ran back to my car, drove home and called first the mid-wife - who told me to get to the hospital - and then my husband. My husband hurried home and drove me to the hospital. By now the bleeding was very bad and I knew what had happened. But I didn't feel devistated, just surprised that this could happen to me. I was 12 weeks pregnant.
I lost a lot of blood at the hospital. Had an ultrasound that confirmed the miscarriage and was given some pain killers. The doctor asked if I was feeling any pain and I said no, just mild cramping. He said that was normal, that the bleeding would continue for 3-4 days and that I should rest.
My husband and I drove home and I ate a huge lunch. I felt fine, physically, but the emotional side of things started to hit me. To be honest, I didn't feel any connection to the baby and my emotions on that day, and still now, seem to be more geared toward the experiences that I've missed out on. I was really looking forward to being pregnant and on days like today I catch myself wondering what my body would feel like at 7 months pregnant.
Later on that afternoon, I was still feeling fine, but with more severe cramping. I told my husband I was OK and sent him out to walk the dogs and get some groceries. Just after he left, the cramping got really bad. They were very intense, lasting over 5 minutes each with only 30 to 60 seconds in between. I called my mom to tell her what had happened, but had to hang up because of the pain. Then "the" cramp came. It lasted about an hour and was very intense. I tried walking, lying down, sitting on the toilet, screaming, nothing helped. No one had told me the cramping would be this strong and the painkiller didn't seem to help. I had no idea what was going on so I called 911. The ambulance arrived just as my husband got back home. By the time I got back to the hospital the cramp had ended. That was the last one and I felt fine again afterwards. I just wish someone had told me what to expect.
I was an emotional wreck for the next 2 weeks. I would be out, walking the dogs, thinking about a movie, or our latest vacation, or what to cook for dinner, when out of the blue I would just start crying. It wasn't thoughts of the baby, just overwhelming emotions coming to the surface. I told everyone I know about the miscarriage - not for sympathy - just so they would understand if I suddenly broke out in tears. Everyone was very supportive and I was thankful that I had told them, even though no-one had known of the pregnancy.
Today, 4 months later, I mostly feel fine but get the odd day where I start crying out of the blue. Today is one of those days. I felt like I needed to get it out. So thank you for taking the time to read this.