BellaOnline Forums Relationships Dating Meeting People - Where do you find them?

Hello daters, both new and veteran:

For those of you who don't know already, I am the new dating editor for BellaOnline. I am very excited to be here and am looking to share many thoughts and laughs with you.

I am very interested to know where you go to find potential dates? Do you sit at home and wait for a date to leap from the pages of your romance novel or do you actively strap on your boots and trudge through the thick wading pool of prospects awaiting discovery outside of your home? Where do you go? What types of places have you been most successful in finding a hook-up? I'm all ears and eyes.

I' am agoraphobic and don,t leave my house, I met my girlfriend in my back yard she lived next door and was out back raking leaves, what are the chances of that happening again?

This reminds me of that new show October Road. One of the characters is a shut-in. He met his girlfriend when she delivered him a pizza. So, meeting someone at home can be done but your chances are much greater if you are able to get out. I suggest seeking professional help to deal with overcoming the agoraphobia. You can miss out on a whole lot of living by limiting your world to only one location.

Thanks Niquenya; i am in therapy.have been since 1974, And on many meds over the years. maybe i should order pizza lol (just kidding)

I usually meet people through friends, and from work.

I'm sorry to hear you don't get out much, skyhaven. I've had several friends who have had that problem, and one male friend now. Funny how we tend to think it only happens with women, but it doesn't.

I have heard professional hypnotism can be very helpful as a supplement to therapy in getting over a phobia. They don't force you to leave your safe space, rather they help you to make that safe space larger, and they help you to feel more relaxed, safe, and confident. Does that sound like something interesting to you? Your therapist could probably tell you more about it.

hi Niquenia,

I don't really know of good ways to meet guys today. I tried two different online dating services, but that turned out to be even less successful than sitting at home reading a romance novel, LOL.

Before being anxious to meet people, I highly recommend doing some self-analyzation to figure out what makes you happy and getting some hobbies/activities you can call your own.

This can be a real process. But only in figuring out yourself first can you be truly open to meeting other people.

What do you like that you've never tried? What activities did you used to like that you haven't done in awhile?

Once you've made a short list of "you," start the adventure of finding kindred spirits. It was only after I realized I hadn't been scuba diving in three years when I made it a point to meet other divers so I could dive and travel -- two of my passions I'd been neglecting! I found a local dive shop, signed up for a trip, went to their advertised happy hour, and met a bunch of people with whom I now regularly socialize. I might add that the very night I reached out to that group at a happy hour, I met the man I've been dating for 10 months. I almost didn't go because the drive was hell, and I would have been more comfortable just going home to veg. Thank God I didn't!

Just at the gym today, where I went to go practice my racquetball shots, I met three people with whom I could socialize if I got their numbers/e-mail addresses.

Find yourself first, then don't be afraid to put feelers out. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. So go for it! What do you have to lose?

Great advice Angela! I absolutely agree. The best relationships are formed when you are not actually looking for them. It is best to focus on knowing who you are and what your unique talents, needs and desires are. Work on honing your skills and actively seek out what is important to you. When you are living a life you love by doing the things that you enjoy, relationships come easy. Something about your spirit being aligned with your passions invites kindred souls.

Happy Living!

I meet my boyfriend during my visit in Bank.

Angela, you are so right!! Why should being with someone else take precedence over being happy with yourself and feeding your passions. Like minded folks find each other thru living their lives with intention. I am divorced, mother of one and have not met a man who I would like to start a relationship with, but my cadre of friends is large and if the relationship comes along it is welcome.

Through work and friends, but none have really worked out, and networking is very time consuming, and I only have so much energy, so nothing's happening right now.

hi,,can you help me how to get real date??

Have you tried online dating services?

LOL - I met my husband at our 10 yr high school reunion!

We had gone all through Jr high and high school together and had never dated.

My 10 yr reunion came up just after my divorce from my 1st husband, and my (now husband) and I met back up at the reunion and started going out as "just friends". 2 years later we were married!

It's been over 7 years now.

I wouldn't like meeting someone online as a date, i would rather meet face to face, at least that way we know what we look like, and if we like each other after seeing each other then thats a good thing. I am afraid of rejection, i would get really hurt if setting up a meeting with some one on line and when we meet she doesn't like what she sees, that wouldn't be a good thing for me. better safe than sorry

I agree that you definitely need a face to face meeting before you can gauge if there is any real chemistry with a potential date but I do think there are some advantages to finding a date online too.

By using an online dating service, you can choose your date based not only on their physical attributes but also on how compatible you might be with that person. An online profile gives you the little details about someone that you could never get by just eyeing that person from across the room. I think it offers a slight advantage over meeting in traditional ways just by providing some background information before even bothering to take the chemistry test.

That all depends if their telling the truth on their profile. either way people lie. But i feel people lie more on the net than in person. i'm so untrusting of people,

I new a very young woman who faced a similar situation to yours. She started by taking short walks with me and then going on dates. We finally figured out that the best thing for her was a large friendly dog. The dog and therapy gave her her life back. The dog still goes everywhere with her but now she gets out of the house whenever she needs to.

hypno therapy works... find someone who will do work with you and do the hypnotherapy in one session. Use someone who uses sound, smell etc. A really good hypno therepist can in one session of 2-3 hours, change everything but good hypno therapists engage all of your senses....

Fight for your yourself. You only have one life, do whatever you need to to have the kind of life you want. Good luck!

Charming, you mention Plentyofish I have been on that site for sometime but finally left, For an example of deceiving people i was chatting with this woman, off n on. we get telling each other stuff. Then i met this other woman and off the bad she told me she was a Psychic and started telling me stuff about me and my family, at first i thought it was awesome.
After a few days i put it all together, she was the same person different name. That wasn't the first site or first person who had deceived me. So i just stopped going to the dating sites altogether. It may work for some, But not for me

I have dated via the net and one thing I figured out is that the paid sites offer more quality people than the free sites. Also, just like with "land based" dating you must follow the "rules" and always meet for lunch, meet in a public place. I found that it helped to ask to see their driver's license. Then I knew they were not lying about who they were. If they did not want to show me, I just left.

But, I know it sounds weird but the best place to meet people is doing things you love. Get involved in something that you like doing, politically, socially, or religiously. Join a book club, do volunteer work, go to church. If you're not very religious there are still churches you can go to such as Unitarian Universalist Churches (uua.org)

If you have a business join the Chamber of Commerce, go to their business after hours, or business and breakfast meetings. If you are a single parent joining a single parent's group. Even if you join a group that is all your same sex, remember they have brothers, friends, etc.. that you may meet.

Having said that, tell your friends that you want to meet someone and before you know it, you'll be going on blind dates which really aren't that bad.

Also, one thing I think is very important is to have a "list".

The list should include what you want in a spouse. Yea not a date, a spouse.



Be realistic in the list but also make this your dream person too. Be specific to include height and weight requirements. Then, when you meet someone, compare them to your list in your mind. If there are too many differences, move on.

Even if you go out with a lot of people who aren't right for you, you can still have fun, and each person just brings you that much closer to your dream.

Also, don't have sex with anyone until you believe you're in love. I know that sounds old fashioned, but it is still true that having sex too soon can really mess things up. For one thing when you lay down and get really close that way to a person, the chemicals in your body will play tricks on you and you will over look all their qualities that do not fit in with your list. You will start thinking you're in love, but it will really just be a sexual chemical thing. And that won't last. Even if you get married during this chemical rush, that can last for up to 7 years, you will end up divorced or unhappy. WAIT on sex until you're in love, and HE/SHE is also in love.

Don't necessarily wait till marriage if that is not your thing, but do wait until the love is there.

And, last but not least, no matter how many lies others tell, no matter how many airs others put on, you always be yourself. Even if yourself is a complete slob, or say you normally burp a lot or something, be yourself, because in order for the right person to fall in love with you and STAY in love with you, they must get to know the REAL you.

I tried Match.com for one month just last month. Funny Rosie should mention deception. The guys all thought I was trying to deceive them. I posted one picture of my face and described myself as slender. I had numerous requests for more pictures showing my body. And too many men asking me how much I weigh. I hated it. I felt like the men were land sharks looking for sex. Didn't work for me and I'll never try it again.

I started country dancing. Met a lot of nice people and made friends. I also did the online dating thing. I met my husband online. Actually, it was my first time online. I was not looking to have a relationship; just friends and wanted someone who liked to dance as much as I did. I had been divorced for almost 10 years and came to the conclusion I liked being able to do what I wanted and come and go as I pleased. I did not post a picture either. I used the Christian Mingles site. And I found my soul mate. We have much in common; we both loved to dance..country, ballroom, oldies you name it. LOL We have strong family and ethnic ties and are spirtual.
When I did agree to meet him face to face I made sure I was safe..I had an escape route; I choose a restaurant where I was well known. The ironic part was on my way to the restaurant I was in a car accident. So, he really came to my rescue...lol
We ended up having diner and dancing all night.
Sundancer

That is an awesome story Sundancer. Was he the "first" guy you dated from the site?

dmichelle,
Yes, he was. And I was so afraid...I had heard such horror stories. But, I made it very clear..all I wanted was friends. And he was not pushy. If he had been, I would have run in the other direction.
Sundancer

Sun, thats great you met some one nice, wishing you lots of happiness in your life. Stay Safe

I'm smiling just thinking about your accident that accidentally lead to marriage.

I found the guy I'm dating accidentally. He was hired by my sister to move some items and I was there to help her clean. One look and I was like...Where did you find him? She said "Craig's List". Funny thing to find out...he just got off "Match.com" as I got on. I should have saved my money.

I'm smiling too! I love the answer "Craig's List". lol

Sundancer

I remember reading once, don't remember where, that a great place for a single to meet another is in a laundromat. I kid you not. I read top quality stuff, not some weird magazine. This would have come from Time or something similar. I remember reading about how people have met their match in places like this becuase most are single and often it's quite empty in a laundromat, which makes it easy for conversation. Like asking to borrow a dryer sheet or something to get the conversation started. Just my 2 cents.

Back to the drawing board...

I think my comforters are too big for my washer at home...hmmm guess I have to go to the laundromat. Afer that, I'll hang out at the batting cages, then onto the produce aisle at Shop N Save.

If that doesn't work, I'm visiting Albany. LOL

I hear Albany has some very nice men there. You might be wise to check it out. LOL.

gotta watch them men from albany.... i know a few and the ones i have met or talked to in the past they are not sure what they want or are liers and players must be the water there.....

How does someone like me who has limited transportation meet someone?

I met my girlfriend in my backyard, What are the chances of that happening again.?
Newbies welcome to the forum, hope yous enjoy your stay.!
Rosie

Here in Prescott, Arizona the new place to meet people is at SPLASH -- it's a really neat laundramat with a coffee bar and live entertainment on Saturday afternoons. Sheryl

Ask my friends to introduce me. something like blind dating. It is safe.
But before we meet, we often chat via MSN or Skype. And then decide if there is need to meet each other.

No matter where you decide to go to meet people, you just got to be careful. It is so dangerous out there and you never know what you could be walking into. Believe it or not, I met my sweetheart on Craiglist. HOWEVER, I did do he posting and had over 110 emails to review so I was able at my leisure and with a sense of security review interested parties. It took 4 months to find the right person but a small price to pay for happiness.

In bars, websites, and clubs. just kidding, mostly at work and from friends.

Be careful with online dataing. I found through my experience that so many people misrepresent themselves online, or are simply looking for a hookup/one night stand even though they say they want a long term relationship. My 40 year old 5'11" tall dark haired date turned out to be well over 60 years old, 5'7" bald and pot bellied in real life (not that there is anything wrong with that, but I felt deceived since he wasn't who he said he was - that was my shortest date on record and I think I burned my mouth drinking my coffee so I could get out of there). No lie! HA HA. I met my BF through a mutual college/sorority friend.

First post here. Hi

I like quick meetings. Say hi then bye.

Am I seen on this forum? Oh how can I have a relationship if nobody sees me?

I met my boyfriend at school,my advice is that it is not a nice relationship jst relax ur man or woman will b on the way coz the only one who knows what is best for us is the creator,God.God decides who and who are going 2 b the right pair and when will dat happen.Dnt giv up stay at home,do what u usually do and forget bout partner,one day-one tym.......

While you are busy living your life to the fullest, that is when you run into your SPECIAL person.

I met my girlfriend in my backyard, What are the chances of that happening again.?
She lived 4 doors down from me
We were both out raking leaves

Wow rosie those odds are not so high by meeting her in your back yard. I have heard alot of people meet they mates by grocerie shopping. Thats nice too.

I am very lucky that I get around myself. Good thing I worked far from my house which I had to take buses to work. I have met alot of people on bueses and trains too. I don't date them but want to know something about them like how they lives and where they go. I have learned alot from them and they gave me lot of good ideas which I never thought about it. During my lunch hour I take walks and see what people do for their lunch hour. Most of them goes to shopping for lunch and grabbed bites on their way back to works. They seem so relaxing when they came back to work. Some sits by riverwalk, jogging and chatting and smoking too. It is nice to see all kind of people.

I have no trouble meeting guys, the WRONG guys. They don't fall at my feet, but a great number of them stumble in my direction. Although I'm not, I'd prefer to be a bit more agoraphobic because of some experiences with the men I meet; they make me want to lock myself inside and never come out again.

The reality is, I'm highly intuitive and sensitive to energies, plus I pay extra attention to details when I meet someone new. So by the time they have spoken, I usually have them pegged correctly.

Although I have no trouble meeting them, the odds of finding one who I'd actually consider dating is about as likely as finding a dinosaur egg in my back yard.

online :)