BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Self Development festive Spirit

No need to apologize Alexandra, I actually don't think you did anything wrong, and I hope you weren't offended by my comment. I probably should have just ignored the whole thing since it doesn't really involve me, I just didn't want it to get out of control. You always have the right to defend yourself!

Jeanette I also like you quote of the day!

Many of you are mistaken in several points.

First, CD and haridas are not the same person. I will attest to this. You should not be consequently judging them as if they were.

Second, CD misinterpretted a comment Alexandra made to me on the forum as being an attack, and he came to what he thought was our defense. In view of Alexandra's former behavior and her recent comment, this was an understandable mistake. I have emailed him about this and the situation is hopefully now clear. He is also under considerable personal strain right now, so please be considerate of him. He needs our prayers and support at present.

CDMohatta has shown himself repeatedly to be a very kind and unselfish person. Those of you complaining do not have the privelege of knowing him better and just how special a person he is. If you only knew! Please, at least reserve your judgment at this time. It is shameful to malign so dear a person because you don't understand.

And before those of you less informed people to this situation elect St. Alexandra, did it escape all of you the sexual insult she hurled at cdmohatta, haridas, and homosexual people that is still in her post? And this is after she edited out her more biting comments she made in a fit of temper.

I don't like arguments on forums any more than any of you do (if anything i like it less because i am more dependent on it than any of you), but if you're going to openly condemn people for bad behavior at least investigate thoroughly before speaking, back up accusations with evidence (there is no evidence cd and haridas are the same person, but there is evidence of certain comments) and apply your judgments accurately, consistently, and with reserve, knowing that more understanding may come to you at a later date.

Alexandra has behaved badly, and i'm not talking about the past but now. Homosexual slurs are certainly not appropriate and are insulting both to those falsely described and to homosexuals, who deserve better.

Better still, be forgiving when anyone takes a misstep. It could just as well be you or me or anyone having a bad day next time and putting our foot in our mouth or losing your temper or misunderstanding something. Several of you just condemned others for being unforgiving, and yet aren't you doing the very same thing right now? This is what we call hypocrisy. If you honestly believe in forgiveness, then WALK YOUR TALK! Show by example.

Lastly, I will miss haridas very much, and hope that he will see this and contact me so we can continue our discussions on various topics elsewhere. He is a very intelligent man and contributed positively to the forum, and i felt i learned much from him.

I don't know if i will be back to comment, but i will check back.

bye for now,
~holly

I am able to forgive and forget. I would also like to add to holly assessment about misinterpretted posts. I have noticed this has happened a lot not only in this forum but elsewhere. There is already a friction between the 2. Reading a post several times to make sure you understand it and then if you are not sure, please pm the person in question instead of dragging it out here as I stated before. It saves such a headache and others getting upset over things said.

I apologize for upsetting you Holly. I was not trying to take sides. I too think that Haridas is an intelligent man and was in no way trying to take sides. Outside of this site, life is difficult for many of us in our own way. I like to escape the arguementative world I sometimes live in and when I saw the arguement developing here I just thought I would ask them to argue in private.

Sorry again. Have a happy holiday everyone.

Peace, everyone. Jeannette is right. We all need to live and let live, not look for trouble, and not pass judgment on others here.

It is difficult to read text, as in this or any forum, and perceive the person's true feelings -- happy, sad, sarcastic, etc. -- so it's best to assume the person means well and isn't trying to pick a fight or put anyone down.

It would be best if we all do not look for double meanings behind what people are trying to say (as in "is that person being mean to me?") here, if we watch our own tone and words so what we say is what we mean, and do keep our posts on topic and considerate. It would also be good to remember that you cannot be "baited" into a fight if you don't take the bait. The way to avoid a "fight" is to ignore it (feel free to notify me about inappropriate posts--don't respond to them). Stick to the topic of the thread in your posts, although occasional wanderings do get fun and interesting, too.

I have held off posting a sticky "rules" set since the forum already has an excellent set you all had to agree to when you signed up, and I'm still hoping I won't have to post one here. My only "rule" right now is in the future, accusatory or attacking posts will be deleted.

This is a great forum. I have never met or known or been privileged to discuss so many interesting issues with such smart, open, caring people as I have here. I am proud to be the host of the Self Development section (just passed my second anniversary!), and I am delighted to know you all. I am especially proud of the peacemakers here, and there are so many of you. It is impressive to watch how you sort things out, how kind you are, how much you give of yourselves -- I am truly honored to know you all, and I never feel I need to step in and add anything. So thank you to you all for being here, for weathering our few storms, and for helping to make this forum the helpful, enjoyable place it's been these past two years.

In peace and love ~
Barbara

Well, because I believe it the right thing to do, and spurred on by the obvious Love, support and kindness of those here and behind the scenes, I am sorry.
I am sorry for my part in this, sorry that anything I have said has provoked such an angry response, sorry that it has stimulated others to come to my defense, and sorry that both Haridas and CDMohatta felt compelled or 'provoked' by my words to react in the way they did.
I wish to be more mindful of my thoughts, words and deeds, now and always. I wish to be more skilful in my treatment of others and the sensibilities they have.
I wish to extend a hand of friendship to both CDMohatta and Haridas, and ask them to be willing to lay aside our differences for good, and be good, kind and nice to one another.
I am sorry CDM, if I have done something, or anything to make you so angry.
I am sorry haridas, that you have felt so vulnerable and hurt by my responses to you, anywhere.

Let us, as Barbara so wonderfully says, be smart, open and caring, and start again, from Here, right How.
In True Festive Spirit.

How about it?

Thank you, Alexandra. It takes a big person to be the first to step up and offer the olive branch. You've made more light shine in the world

Barbara

That is indeed a very nice, generous offer, Alex. What I have found to be true when someone misinterprets what I have said,or is belligerent in their response to me, is to just ignore any further posts with them on the subject. I try ONCE to correct the situation, but then I just ignore it. (However, I don't tell THEM that I have them on ignore, I just don't comment on their posts.) I have found that there are a few people who will never understand my stand on anything, so I try to NEVER post after they have posted. It avoids any chance of ANOTHER conflict arising. That is so much easier and actually better than trying to convince or justify my feelings.

There are many, many sites here that I can enjoy without being part of the problem on ANY one forum. Alex, for whatever reasons, there ARE a few people who don't want to be your friend, or mine either, for that matter. Let it be. You have other friends here, as I have said to you before. You don't need to make ALL of the people on Bella your friends, and when they don't want to talk to you, or even post after you have, then just accept it and go on with life. You just need to quit answering back to people who make comments about you. It makes it look like you are the same person FROM THE PAST, which you are not. So rise above it, okay?

You and I have had problems in the past, but we seem to have worked through them. You HAVE changed since all the negativity ABOUT you and started by you, so let it remain in the past. It just takes time for others to see those changes. Be patient. Don't try to explain yourself, be defensive or try to take sides. You know that CD and haritas have lots of friends here but I don't always approve of what they say or do, anymore than everyone here feels about me or anybody else always thinks they are being "perfect".

Yes, I agree that it will be wonderful WHEN everyone in the world, and EVEN on Bella get along. We should ALL want peace. I am doing my part to be peaceful. How about everyone else? Barbara is a very smart, caring person and I think she says it best, "It would also be good to remember that you cannot be "baited" into a fight if you don't take the bait. The way to avoid a "fight" is to ignore it (feel free to notify me about inappropriate posts--don't respond to them). Stick to the topic of the thread in your posts, although occasional wanderings do get fun and interesting, too."

Keeping with the festive spirit, I wish all of you a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year.



Trish

_/I\_

Merry Christmas Trish.

With love as ever,
Me.

Why can;t we all just get along!!
Life is to short,