BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids anyone else find the holidays tedious?

Just do what I do...everytime a relative questions my consumption of alcohol, I take a shot...I've learned they stop asking really quick.

Skeeter

I heartily agree. Thankfully, this year both my husband's family and mine have decided to have a "no gift" Christmas. For my side, each of us will offer a charity of his or her choice for donations to be made by the others. What a relief!


Julie

Oh, happytobechildfree, thank you so much for this post! I have been whining to my friends about this very topic for the past couple of weeks and they all look at me like I've sprouted a second head because I don't enjoy spending copious amounts of mind numbingly boring time with family.

We spend most holidays with my husband's family as they live much closer than mine. There are six of us, all 35+ and I am the lone in-law. Don't get me wrong . . . my husband's family are fine people, but I DREAD these days . . . . we spend 45 minutes eating and the next 8 hours sitting and staring at each other. If things get really exciting, the men watch football and the women flip through old magazines. It is sheer agony. And no matter how long we stay, we always get a snide comment from my MIL on the way out . . . such as "Oh, go ahead and just run out of here then if you don't want to be with us". It is torture.

We do spend the weekend before Xmas with my family and I actually do enjoy that time very much, as we have lots of kids around and we talk and do things . . . versus sit and stare. It is sad to say, but I give a big sigh of relief when it's all over . . . in fact, I always take the week after Christmas off work . . . it's my "carrot" to help get me psychologically through it all. So, you definitely don't "walk alone" on this one!

"To me, the holiday season (the gift giving part) is mainly for the children. Personally, I don't see the need for full-fledged adults, who are fully productive members of society, to have to give gifts to each other."

ME TOO!!

I was fortunately able to get this taken care of with a some of my family members, which helps. My business tends to slow this time of year, but the bills are even more plentiful. Not all CF are rolling in dough.

My other beef with this time of year is trying to squeeze all the family obligations into a tiny time frame. I enjoy spending time with family, but not as much when it's forced and everyone's fighting for the same dates.

Oy -- that would be torture, indeed, shortcatmama.

You all are going to think I'm a full-fledged alkie, but again I say: a few sips *giggle* or glasses - whatever - of your choice beverage make these mind-numbing in-law exchanges sooooo much more tolerable.

My first set of in-laws were the kind you're talking about, shortcat -- booorrriinnggg. Sit around, stare at each other, exhaust the career talk, kid talk, bllaaahhh-blah-blah -- I wanted to mickey finn my own cider. My second set of in-laws was much more entertaining. They were Italian. My husband was the 7th of 8 kids. All the siblings were always between jobs, and all 5 sisters AND my mother-in-law were on meds. So I used to sit in the "women" room (usually the kitchen table) listening to them swap drug and dosage strategies. I must say this was far more entertaining than the former family of hellish boredom, and at least the Italians had wine flowing (even though they had to watch it because of their meds).

Oh, how fun are the holidays! I'd love to hear from someone in this forum who is jetting off on a vacation this year, forgetting all this in-law nonsense. Is anyone taking a sleek trip for two during Christmas, telling families, "We'll hit ya on the back side?"

We kind of did that two years ago after DH's dad died. We were exhausted and had had enough of quality time with his family for the time being. It wasn't exactly sleek (and granted, we took my mom with us), but we went to Colonial Williamsburg for a week at Christmas. It was actually quite nice to be away from everything - no one could expect us to drop by or play host when they dropped in. On Christmas Day, we had a lovely brunch at one of their hotels and went to a candlelight concert at the Governor's Palace. No hustle, no bustle, no family nightmares...

Oh, how fun are the holidays! I'd love to hear from someone in this forum who is jetting off on a vacation this year, forgetting all this in-law nonsense. Is anyone taking a sleek trip for two during Christmas, telling families, "We'll hit ya on the back side?"

Oh, how I wish! It probably will be just the two of us this year, but no traveling. Him, me, the Beastie (our cat), a few evening visits with friends on the weekend before, and trading phone calls with his family (we can't afford to travel so far to see them) and the few members of mine that aren't participating in my mother's little feud with me. Overall, this will probably the most quiet Christmas in my life thus far.

I have an understanding with my parents. It is my decision if I want to attend a holiday get together or not, weather it is Thanksgiving, Passover or the 4th of July. One holiday gathering is done and one to go for me. I had Thanksgiving Dinner last week with my parents and their friends. Next Friday is the company XMAS party. I got an invitation to a bar mitzvah on December 29, which I declined. The service is in the morning (I always skip that part). There is a dinner in the evening. Even if I am skiing close to home that day, I want to spend my evening relaxing at home. Also getting dressed up twice in one month is too much for me. I can echo the sentiments here about boring get togethers. My Mom will sometimes try to persuade me to go to a gathering by saying something like, �There will be a lot of people your age there.� Most of the time I have very little in common with the people who are my age at these gatherings.

It is also harder for us Jewish women to be CF in a way, since you know Jews want to make sure the religion survives and I do agree with that but still, I cannot do it!Frieda and Billie Cat: The majority of my North American and Israeli relatives have 2-4 kids each. I have no regrets about having none.

I am always glad I don�t have to do any Christmas shopping. After a full and fun day cross country skiing up a 12,000 foot peak today, I drove past a crowded mall parking lot in Santa Fe with a big grin on my face since I don�t have to deal with that nonsense. I got home, took a nap and ate dinner. Life is good.

Mike

I love all of your comments. Agreed that alcohol can make the time go by. But I did that over Thanksgiving, and I only had one drink b/c I don't drink that often. SIL and BIL asked me about my dysfunctional sister, and I said more than I wanted to say b/c I was feeling good. And then I was kicking myself for the next two hours or so. I will do better next time.

I am really bad at making small talk, and my therapist told me I need to google small talk and come up with some bullshit topics to discuss so I can avoid sharing anything personal with the inlaws.

My DH took that approach last year, having wine and beer every day over the holidays. And then his Mom gave him a lecture about it, and proceeded to tell the rest of the family that DH has a drinking problem. I was [censored]!

I know I told you before about how weird MIL is, and we recently caught her going through DH's wallet. So when we were going to his sister's for the afternoon, I packed up most of my stuff and put it in the car. He said it looked weird, but I didn't care. I didn't want her going through my stuff while we were out. Not that I have anything to hide, but her busybody and intrusive nature makes my skin crawl. Did I tell you she gave me a negligee at our reception, in front of my Dad, uncle, FIL, BIL and nieces and nephews? I took it in stride, but just an example of how she is. And, THEN she asked me if I had worn it yet. I don't know about you guys, but I don't want to discuss my negligee selection with my MIL.

She shared with me while we were on the wedding cruise that she and her husband don't "screw" anymore. Isn't that lovely? He had prostate cancer, and she has told me on several occasions that they don't have sex anymore, and she's overweight and says she eats because she doesn't have sex anymore.

I was literally sick to my stomach when we were driving to her house over Thanksgiving. I'm a private person, and she's a malicious gossip. We are never going to be close, and I don't feel comfortable around her at all.

Oh, and a CF rant. I asked MIL, just trying to make conversation, if she was done with her Christmas shopping. She proceeded to tell me about everything she is buying for SIL, BIL and their family. They don't budget well apparently, and she is constantly throwing money their way. It really pushed my buttons b/c it brings to mind that so many parents are entitled and dependent on others to support their children. And it reminds me of my sister, and how everyone caters to her. And they say we are selfish b/c we aren't contributing to Social security. Whatever! And someone else said something above about gifts from family having strings attached - so true! Not Christmas gifts necessarily, but taking money from parents if things aren't going well. My dysfunctional sis does it, but my other sister and I would rather die than take money from our parents.

Totally agreed that adults don't need presents! We buy everything we want for ourselves, especially b/c we are CF. But it can be nice to buy something for someone that they wouldn't buy for themselves. I love the gift giving, I just wish we could leave afterwards. Or, better yet, mail the presents. LOL

ROFLMAO!!


Heh - how would you like it if your MIL lifted your mini skirt as you were removing her plate from the Thanksgiving table? Oh yeah. She wanted to see if I was wearing panties with my tights. Apparently, she wanted everyone else to check it out, too. All that came from my mouth (after everyone else's dropped to the table) was, "Are you NUTS?!?"