BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Great Article

Come to that I have a bit of a fear of hospitals (mild) as I was in one when my grandad died in one and I was only 7, the smell of vomit makes ME want nearly vomit! and I am not that keen on lots of blood EITHER! AND my best friend at the time apparently nearly died giving birth. I think though it was possibly because she WAS a bit overweight (her blood pressure went very high and nearly killed her.)

While I'm sure she really loved her and was a great mother, I often wonder if she ever really bonded with her daughter she used to want to know more and more about my single life so I stopped hanging with her as I did NOT want to be at all responsible for her moving away from her life with her husband and child!

She married young about 19 or 20, troubled background, and wanted to party so they broke up.

But I can't help but wonder if the difficult birth also did not help.

I am NOT trying to judge her by the way, I haven't been in that situation so can't say what I would have done!!!

And speaking of not judging, on some of the comments on the website of this article, well it's all very well to say it's no big deal but you know, like I said we all have different pain thresholds, things that gross us out, things that don't etc.
It isn't a big deal for EVERYONE but it obviously IS a big deal and frightening for SOME people and I wish the other commenters could respect that! GRR!
(This xenophobia BITES!)

Hi Deborah:

I have had two female Gyns in the past and it did not alleve my fears of going there at all.
In fact, the two females I have had were very unsympathetic to my fears. They were both mothers and I think they felt "If I can do this why can't you?"
My current male Gyn is very gentle when he puts his hands on me and does the pelvic exam, but the fact that a speculum is pushed inside me fills me with unbelievable panic.

I called my OBGYN the other day about something and her assistant asked how my new pill prescription was going. I told her that I had to stop taking it since I developed a lump in my breast after only a week on it. She said that I should just pop out two kids and get it over with so that I could have my tubes tied. I couldn't believe it! I just said, "yeah, I guess that would just be easiest wouldn't it?"

I can't believe these people just assume that everyone wants to be a parent. If I stongly desired kids why would I be married and on birth control at 30?

As far as the article, this is really how I feel when I think about childbirth. The idea of the entire process groses me out and scares me. I can't even go for a regular pap smear without dreading it for 2 weeks. I just can't imagine 9 months of endless poking and prodding with the grand finale that we all know is coming.

I couldn't even read the article. Blech! I hate anything regarding bodily odors, fluids, diseases, etc. I cringe when I have to go to the regular doctor let alone the gyn.

I can relate. The weird thing is that I'm a pre-med student and I've shadowed doctors, watched surgeries, blood/vomit doesn't really gross me out. But a woman having a baby disgusts me beyond all reason. It's absolutely vile and disgusting, all the stuff that comes out and rips and yuck.

Let's just say I'm not looking forward to my rotations where I have to do OB and GYNO. I'll be the only medical student that is giving away their deliveries!

I read the article and I thought it kind of funny how different one person's perception of the same event can be.

I don't think anyone is going to assume that people who are CF are this way ONLY because you might have a phobia about child birth or hospitals or something along those lines.

Correct me if I'm wrong but its all the stuff AFTER you have the child that you guys don't want either. If the child birth part was the only part you wanted to avoid, then adopt or have a surrogate Mom.

I did ALOT of reading while I was pregnant so that what happened at each appointment was expected AND when I went in to labour we had certain understandings about how some things would be done. I will spare you the details. My doctor was a woman my own age, incredibly nice and understanding. By the time I had my daughter she felt like an old friend. I felt VERY lucky to have found her.

As far as being affraid of doctors, I had to get used to them early, due to medical problems that started when I was only 15.

I have to say (not because I a trying to convince you too feel my way but only to share my experience) that the way I felt when I was in the hospital when I was a teenager for a REAL medical problem, was completely different then when I had my daughter. The whole feeling of that area of the hospital is different, people aren't there because they are sick or abnormal in some way. While I was nervous when I was there to have my daughter it didn't compare at all with what I went through when I had surgery as a teenager when they thought I had bone marrow cancer.

When I was pregnant I had a horror of having a C Section, I didn't want my body opened up like that AND the huge scar it leaves. Not too mention they do C sections and you are awake while they are rummaging around inside your body. I just have this hang up that IF your going to look inside my body like that, I need to be asleep.

I hate all things medical - I think it started when I was hospitalized at age 3 - it certainly didn't stop me having a child though - I would have "managed" with the support of my wonderful female doctor.
I can tell you though I'm not on the same page as women who go on about how great it is to be pregnant, enjoy giving birth etc. It would have been something I got through to have a child...no tapes of the "sounds of the forest" or scented candles for me...
No, there were lots of things that turned me off kids.

Did anyone see Andrew Denton's interview with Helen Mirren (Engish actress)recently? (on Australian television)
There are women who have a phobia of pregnancy and childbirth - taxophobia (?) or something like that - Mirren has no children. She explained that she was made to watch a film at school when she was 12 or 13 of a woman giving birth - she was so horrified she developed a real terror and dread of childbirth.
I think sometimes those films are a little too graphic for some people and certainly for young girls.
I hate watching films of all medical procedures.
Perhaps, the facts first and the films later if you decide to embark on the experience and you still see the need...

Well I can tell you that I did not enjoy being pregnant. There were times that I had moments that were wonderful but for the most part it was horrible. My last trimester I was on bed rest for all but 4 hours a day. I didn't sleep worth anything for 2/3 of my pregnancy. I was nauseous for about half of it. My back pain was through the roof and of course I could not take medication.

There was NO aspect of delivery I enjoyed. The only thing that made it tolerable was the epidural they gave me before it all began. I was so glad when it was over.

The women that talk about how wonderful natural child birth is make me think they are on another planet.

I am guessing my experience could certainly have been better had I been in a supportive relationship at the time. The fact I was a single pregnant woman increased my stress like I can't tell you.

I think that would have been very hard - giving birth without the support of a partner.
I have to wonder at the women that "enjoy" childbirth - my brothers girlfriend has just had a baby - her 4th - she loves being pregnant and breastfeeding and enjoys giving birth - I can't begin to understand her.
I've noticed that some women seem to have something to prove when they go into labour - they are disappointed if they can't manage natural childbirth and are sometimes made to feel like a failure if they opt for drugs or end up having a C section.
I don't understand - why would you put yourself through more than you have too? Why would you refuse an epidural and suffer terrible pain? What are they trying to prove? What does it matter as long as you end up with a healthy mother and baby?
My brothers girlfriend refused all pain relief and had a short and very painful delivery - she seems to be quite proud of the fact she has delivered all four children naturally.
Is a woman perceived to be a better mother if she manages to deliver naturally? My SIL just says, "I wanted to do it naturally"....Why?
Sorry, I don't understand

As a mother, I find all of this so true. I just looked at my mom after giving birth, and said, "why didn't you tell me." I had seen all the movies, attended Lamaze, even went through college courses on early childhood development. Prepared as much as possible, it didn't matter, still indescribable pain. Breast feeding, uncomfortable at times, but very doable. And should be a choice, just like CF is a choice.