BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Great Article

I just read the article and it was really interesting.

While I'm very afraid of the process, I can't say it exactly grosses me out that much more than a lot of medical procedures. The whole part about ripping apart is a big part of my fear.

I've heard that the rate of cesareans is high, and that women like being able to "schedule" their birth ahead, and not have to endure pain. I've always thought that was a little ridiculous, but I'd prefer a cesarean too. I think most women are not exactly looking forward to childbirth.

While I'm sure there are people much more phobic over pregnancy than me, it does seem normal and natural to fear pain and pregnancy. They say in the article there's no cure for this phobia, but for other phobias, like fear of heights, flying on planes, etc., the cures I've heard about usually involve putting yourself in that position, possibly with a therapist at your side to help you through it, and coming out of it okay and learning that you can handle more than you thought. That was my feeling on going through pregnancy/childbirth...you learn to handle it by going through it.

I understand the fear of loss of dignity, but honestly I think that's also something everyone has, and that the only way to deal with it is to experience it, realize it's not that big of deal, and let go of it. There are plenty of other health issues that can come up for a women that necessitate medical treatment in the genital region. As you get older, chances are you will need to endure this in some form. I've had to, and although it was horrifying, unpleasant and embarrassing, I survived, and am now perhaps a bit less sensitive about it. It's still really unpleasant, but I recognize it as a fact of of life. If it's a question of survival, enduring embarrassment is not the biggest concern.

In the comments for that article someone was upset about the word "disgusting" used to describe breastfeeding, because it's insulting to women doing it. It does disgust me, but in a different way that I don't think should be considered offensive to bf women. What I feel is, to suddenly have fluids erupting from a part of my body that never had them before gives me the creeps. Other women breastfeeding don't bother me or disgust me at all. I think it's a lovely thing when someone else does it! It's the thought of it happening in my own body that is repellant to me.

That summed up a lot of how I feel, just not to that degree! I'm not phobic, but yeah, really grossed out. I agree with frieda in that I'm grossed out the same with childbirth as I am any medical procedure. I CANNOT watch doctor's shows, except Scrubs!

Frieda, you've hit on the head one of exact reasons I don't want kids! I'm also disgusted by breastfeeding. It doesn't bother me if other people do it, I think I would feel disgusted with myself -- fluids erupting from parts of my body where they normally don't, like you said. Plus, I imagine it being painful.

What really bothers me is that, to me, it's an extremely personal and private matter, and now it's so public and talked about. I remember some of my friends who had kids talking about it and thinking, I really don't want to hear this. I think I would be really uncomfortable with the idea of doing it in public or in front of other people.

I know they say that it's best for the baby, but I just stand the thought of putting myself in a position where I would have to do it. I can't imagine being tethered to a baby in that way. Also, it seems like when you bf, you're sort of on a tight leash in terms of going places -- either you can't be gone for very long or have to take a pump. I really have no interest in hauling one around!

I'm also disgusted by pregancy -- seeing a pregnant woman makes me shudder. It's basically a parasite, it really is! Plus, I run and bike a lot, and I know that pregancy and recovery, plus the demands of taking care of a child, would cut into my training schedule.

I meant to add that I have a deep-seated fear that, if I ever became pregnant, my husband would put pressure on me to breastfeed. That happened to a friend of mine, whose husband and mother-in-law (especially him) put a lot a pressure on her, and he basically insisted on it even when she was overwhelmed. If a woman wants to bf, that's fine, but I think she should do it because she wants to, not because someone is standing over her making her do it.

The only thing I don't like about this article is because now some people might read it and think that there is a "cure" for us CF. Like this is some kind of disease or something. Oh, it's just a phobia - go to some counseling! Then you'll want kids!

I don't want someone thinking that yes, we ARE freaks!

I guess where I'm coming from is I sent the article to my husband, and right away he responded with "that article was written about YOU!" I don't want him thinking that I have a phobia. I told him that I'm not that extreme, and he responded with "did you even READ the article?"

I know what you mean. I could also see someone saying, "Oh, just get over your fear by having kids! That'll cure your phobia!" Geez!

I think I'm afraid he's going to say, "well, then why don't we just go to therapy to get over your phobia? That will fix everything." I feel like maybe I've thrown him a bone ...

Billiecat - have you thought of seeing a female doctor?
I think women have to endure some of the most invasive and unpleasant examinations and medical procedures - I don't think many men including male doctors can really understand the feelings of vulnerability, embarrassment and anxiety...
Female doctors usually have to endure the same exams so know what you're going through...
I know there are lots of decent and competent male doctors but I have always felt much more comfortable with a female doctor - these feelings were reinforced after working at the Medical Board for a few years.
Once you were patronized if you stated your preference for a female doctor but now it's a common request - you are paying for a service so are entitled to the doctor of your choice.
I agree with the other posts - I think childbirth looks like a dreadful business - one of my friends describes it as the "most traumatic experience of her life".
If I had wanted a child though - I wouldn't have let those fears put me off - I have a wonderful female doctor I trust implicitly - I know we are on the same page - she would know I would have no interest in natural childbirth and suffering for hours - in this day and age why not utilize all that is available? It would have been a caesarean section for me.
I like the line from "Absolutely Fabulous" where Adina, before having a minor medical procedure, states "I want totally sensory deprivation and back up drugs!" My sentiments exactly!
So Billiecat - try a female doctor - see if it makes a difference.

Lets lighten up here. Great article but whats it called when your phobia is of pregnancy, childbirth, babies, breastfeeding, nappies, sleepless nights, baby on board stickers, PTA meetings, [censored] theme parties, school runs, no sex, toddlers, snotty noses,peploe mover cars, those [censored] window shades, parents, etc, etc
thats what Ive got!!!!!
Lise

On one hand..breastfeeding doesn't bother me at all. I'm sure it's a great way to bond with your baby and relaxing and all. I myself wasn't breastfeed as I was adopted so mostly no.
Also breastfeeding is said to be better for baby.
However I don't think any women should feel pressured into either breastfeed or not breastfeed their baby!

On the OTHER hand AS for pregnancy!! A whole different story!
I am TERRIBLE with pain! I have a very low pain threshold and used to even scream as a kid when my uncle pulled a prickle out of my foot! I'm not as bad as that now but I can't even pluck my own eyebrows for long without nearly wanting to faint!
(I would like liposuction one day on my butt and legs and yes, i've tried EVERYTHING INCLUDING no ESPECIALLY diet and exercise but I am genetically bigger by one or two sizes on the bottom and can NOT help it! BUT I would need to be SO drugged up after!!!!!)

I do NOT like the sound of some of the horror pregnancy stories my colleagues were telling me at a party once. (I was the ONLY one who hadn't given birth!

I do not like pain and do not like the undignified part of it either.
Yes I know it is very natural and some babies/children/people can be lovely and some people love being parents and good for them but for ME?
NO!
NEVER!

It doesn't help my pregnancy fears that like I said I'm adopted well my birth mother suffered a lot from giving me up for adoption and I'm pleased we met up later in life it made her feel a lot better! But my point is it was a VERY dark time in her life so I don't exactly want to take her back there by asking about the pregnancy! (I was cesarian by the way, a world I can't even SPELL!) (And no, medical reasons NOT her choice!)

And my adopted mum has never given birth so I can't ask her!

Anyway from what I HAVE heard, thanks but NO thanks!