BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Older Men with Young Brides

Yes, I find it completely distasteful. I spent quite a bit of time travelling in Thailand (twice) and one thing that hit me was the graciousness of the people, especially the women. I got back on the plane the first time, vowing to be more gracious in my everyday life, and then found myself horrified by several instances of gross, middle-aged Western men on the plane with their young brides/girlfriends. And also lots of older men travelling by themselves back from Thailand, which got me wondering. What really makes me mad about all this is that these women, as you mention later in the thread, are stuck between two hideous realities and these men (who are usually socially inept in their real Western lives) are totally taking advantage of this. I can't stand any situation where people's vulnerabilities are taken advantage of.

I have also heard how people here in the US put together tourists trips for men who want relations with children and they take them to places like Thailand. It makes me sick what some men will do to dominate and sexually abuse.

I think age on its own, between two people who are equals doesn't have to matter, like the numorous cases you guys have been talking about your own marriages. But the case where a man goes to what I would consider a third world country and brings home one of these women, I don't see that as the same thing at all. He is in control of her, that is what he wants and he goes to a country where they are desperate because no woman is his own country will put up with his foolishness. It is not a marriage is one is dominating and controlling the other.

My first husband was 8 years older then me but I believe more immature in some ways. I was later involved (after my divorce) with someone who was 8 years younger, he had issues with honesty and being self absorbed. From what I understand he still does, they weren't signs he was not mature enough but signs of character flaws.

I think the age thing can become a problem when your life goals are on a different time table. For example, I am 40 with one child. What if I were to date a younger guy who has had no children (in fact I have had my eye on one that I used to work with, we are friends), I would be put in the position to decide if I wanted to have another child. Of course things like that come up all the time, but it would be an extra stressor on a relationship.

I agree!!! it is not about love respect or anything good it is all about power control and abuse! and that is sick!!!

My aunt got divorced from her husband, who made her life miserable, to marry a man who has grandchildren the same age as my cousins! So, yes, she is the same age (roughly) as his children.

I've never seen her happier, they are such a great couple, and the kids are so much happier, too.

That's one of our family jokes, too! He's never come up with a good response, so he just says, "You're getting old, too, gimpy!" I always playfully pout about him "making fun of the poor, arthritic, old lady." A little difference in age and physical condition can be a source of fun if you aren't too sensitive about it. If this keeps up, we'll be teasing each other about who's in worse shape when we're in our 80's!

The age difference between my wife and myself is 7 years (she being the older one), but I don't notice it at all. I didn't notice it 10+ years ago when I was 30, and I don't notice it now. It's not like the age difference was 7 years back when I was 21

Personal insight-- I spent a year over in Korea, and quite a bit of time in the Phillipines, and from what I have seen. The quality of life improvement of "catching" a man from the US/Europe/Austraila etc. is such a drastic improvement, they would be willing to take just about anyone. As for the the elderly male sees...kind of obvious..young attrative women, not to mention that culturally they are subservient women (not all, but most).


Skeeter

I find these men discusting. I've seen mail order brides and I just feel sorry for them. Yes, they may have escaped a bad country with bad conditions, but they are now sold into sex slavery in my opinion. Very sad!

WOW -- I never knew there were a few women like me -- women either dating or married to men significantly (10+ years) older then their men. I really appreciated the posts from Freebubbles, Malamutes and cdt.

I'm also an only child, and I TOTALLY understand the viewpoint of not being as attracted to men closer to my age. I was raised around adults during my whole childhood, and though the rule was to be seen and not heard at dinner parties, I could converse with adults if they wanted to engage first.

My first older boyfriend was five years older than me -- I was 17/18 when he was 22/23. The next one was in college -- a whopping 25 years older than me. I just found college guys to be boring, uninterested and unstable. They wanted to know what sorority I'd be pledging, while MY boyfriend wanted to know how much further I'd gotten in my JFK research. Other guys spent their time watching "Beavis and Butthead;" my guy took me on weekend trips to see museums, bed-and-breakfasts and the Texas hill country (these were not expensive trips, mind you -- this was not for the money).

There were a few additional older men, and quite a few shorter relationships with men more my age. My second husband was 7 years older than me and still acted like a 12-year-old sometimes.

My boyfriend now is 16 years older than me, and we CLICK like two peas in a pod. I've had a lot of maturing to do in the relationship (i.e., minimizing drama, casting out jealousy, planting my feet firmly in my own character), and it's been the best relationship I've ever had in my life.

I've wondered many times if I would actually marry him, concerned about such an age difference. His body is calendar-quality, and he's more active than any man I know within 20 years older/younger: he bikes, he works out (I can bounce quarters off his chest muscles), golfs, kayaks, fishes, camps, rock climbs, scuba dives, plays racquetball and excels as an architect. But how about when I'm 44 and he's 60?

My sister is 52 and her husband is 66. He rides his bike 100km every week and is running the 1/4 marathon with us next weekend. He is young in outlook. Together they had two children when his first two children were already virtually grown up. They have now been together for 26 years since she was 26 and he 40. Everyone freaked when they got together and thought it was doomed. They had a little bit of a moment recently when my sister was coming to terms with being 50, menopause etc, but that was more to do with a couple of personality issues in the relationship, rather than his age gap. She may be widowed younger (but who knows) but her lifetime with him has been more than great. It all depends on the individuals involved - as long as you are honest re any issues that may be particularly attracting you regularly to people in a certain age group. For my sister it was a one-off based on genuine kindred attraction.