BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Drifting into childfree?

I am glad, that you liked Vienna!!! It's a beautiful city I think.
Unfortunately I wasn't in the USA yet, but I would like to visit Boston with my husband (there was a special offer called "Indian summer" in one travel agency) !

I like Prague too, I was there for three times, because my granddad is from there....

Thank you everyone for your comments. You've all been great. I never ever wanted to have kids and never dreamed I would be having second thoughts like this. I'm still not sure when my mind started to wonder if I should. Friends having them has defintely had an impact. But I have many single friends, both male and female, that will probably never have them. I really think I worry about being old and my friends have their kids/grandkids around; and I'll have no one and be very lonely and have no one to look after me. But truthfully I don't enjoy being around kids at all; except a select few. I tend to avoid any situation where I would have to be around them. Especially babies and teenagers. So it defintely sounds like I'm not the type of person that wants to have kids. So why do I have this uncontrollable thought that the only way I will be happy is to have one of these messy, expensive, loud, and demanding kids in my life? I guess because that's what everyone tells me I'm supposed to want and do.

A trip to Target or Walmart usually reminds me of my original decision very quickly.

I'm the same way. There are only a handful of kids that I enjoy the presence of, otherwise, I'm not interested!




I think biology plays a huge role! Our hormones, neurotransmitters, and other such niceties in our bodies- some are meant solely for the purpose of us having babies. So are we crazy for having these moments of want? Or need? No, I think its like the chemicals that make us feel crummy during PMS or harbor stress during dire situations or the joy we feel during love. There are changes in these processes through the years that either come out screaming with neon lights, maintain an average level, or go dormant.

I say lets not be so hard on ourselves as we have enough stress to deal with! Give yourself the grace that "yes, I have these feelings that I don't understand" and don't beat yourself up over it.

Wow, I never thought of it that way. I don't seem to be able to control feeling moody when it's that time of the month. Is this the same thing women with baby cravings experience? It's almost uncontrollable?

Hi Nataz:
Your post is exactly similar to myself... I just turned 35 about six weeks ago and went through a lot of soul searching. I was never really 100% sure of my choice; it was only until my body is letting me know that very little time is left that I felt that I really had to give it serious thought.
Pregnancy & labor would be punishment to me, let alone raising a child.
You are lucky your parents are supportive - my mom is always on my case and still believes I will turn up pregnant any day now.

Hi Happy:
I don't have extreme baby craving during these hormonal times of the month, but the last year I have had some mild craving, although it is transient. I see changes in my body the last few years (just turned 35) from dropping estrogen. I have always had bad PMS; maybe now the slight baby cravings I do feel once in awhile is from this dropping level. As they say, women are in their sexual peak at this time because it is nature's way of saying please breed now. I do control these feelings by being very rational about it.

I told my Mom the other day that I wanted to go to my gyn one more time before I move, just to make sure everything is okay. And she chimed in with "to make sure you can have kids?" and I'm like, "no, to make sure I don't have breast cancer." She KNOWS how I feel, and it was really crazy for her to come out with that. She doesn't bug me about it, though. But she has made a few odd comments since I've been engaged. AND, my Mom is famous for saying "if you play adult games..." So I think she thinks despite our resolve, that we might get pregnant accidentally or something. She doesn't know how much we've done to make sure "it" never happens.

Hi Happy:
Your mom sounds so similar to mine. What I really hate also is when we are watching TV and a baby comes on - she almost has a fit saying how adorable, asking me how adorable the baby is... we go through this all of the time.
I was saying something last week about my job and she had said "well how much longer are you going to work there, you are going to start a family....". I actually couldn't disagree with her - she is living on hope and maybe that is good for her.
Good luck with a good report at your gyn!

BC,

Ha, your initials are the same as birth control. That's a good omen I think babies are adorable, too, and I was completely nuts over my nephew when he was a baby. I mean crazy over him. But they don't stay babies forever.

Your Mom sounds cute, but it just makes me sad that our Moms assume we will quit our jobs and stay home. Why do they prefer that to our working a job that we enjoy? I guess maybe they want to enjoy the few "wonder years" that a baby brings.

Thanks - everything's fine, but I just like to check in with my gyn pretty often b/c we have a family history of breast cancer. My poor sister went through chemo at 29. I can't imagine what that would have been like had she had kids. My Mom had it when we were older, but it was still rough.

Happy: We have it in our family as well; my mom just had to take her second mammo. That side of the family has enormous breasts - things are difficult to find. I am small like the women in my dad's side so it would be easier to detect any changes.
Best of luck with your health and your new life. Thank you for all of your intelligent, kind, and friendly posts,
BC