BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Everyone around me is having kids!

But all it will take to lose the regret is thinking for one second about a screaming child, a dropout, how expensive and needy they are, and how much of myself I would have had to sacrifice to raise them well. Then *BAM* back to no regrets.

My life may be seen as "boring" from many other people's POV. However, I like it boring -- and that type of "boring" doesn't trigger any child regrets.

What does trigger them, I've noticed, are the times when I travel down to see my parents, who live about 10 minutes away from me. They've told me that they understand about my decision (as this world is a very cruel place now as compared to 40 years ago when I was hatched), and the topic isn't brought up. But I'll tell you that I just get a feeling that if they had a choice, they would have wanted me to have children, to pass the name on. I know this from the many hints that I got from my father as I was growing up.

Since I had been doing some soul-searching, I remembered the "when you have kids", or "you'd make a good father" (said many years before I was as CF, vocally as I am now) comments or seeing the pride that my mother had when the first grandkid came, then the second (all the pictures she had at her work desk) -- and seeing how happy my parents were being grandparents (even though they tired my parents out) -- don't think I didn't put two and two together and now that is on my mind. That is the source of my family-side of guilt.

Work-side, by no means is it oppressive -- by no means. The last bastion of married, no-child people (my co-worker) announced a few weeks ago that after a year of marriage, his wife was pregnant. I'm not worried about it, but deep inside, even though he and I just worked at a professional level relationship, he was still a married man w/o children, along with me. And now, I'm the only one left. Does that make me feel lonely sometimes in the crowd? Yes. Do I deal with it? Yes. Does it bother me that much now? No. As time goes by, I've gotten used to that fact.

As time gets closer for the birth, the parties, the showers, etc, is when I'm going to feel it. This happened a year or so ago, so now I know how they do things like this. I will have to excuse myself from these festivities when they come 'round again.

At least I am prepared this time!

I just Googled "regret having children" and found another blog site with a woman who said something I totally agree with:

"Think about this- would you rather regret having children, and still be stuck with them, or regret not having them, and still be able to do other enjoyable things with your life?"

That's a very good point, Angela. After all, a parent will have experienced life without children, and so will have a good idea of what they've missed out on, whereas a childfree person can only imagine what life with children would have been like.

[quote=FeebeeGeebee)

friends of ours who have just had a baby (having met each other two years ago and married - second marriage for both of them) and - horror of horrors - have set up a "family blog".
Tuesday: we fed, we burped, we cuddled, (repeat) we stressed enough about his early morning crying that we popped down to the 24hr medical centre to make sure he was not sick. The very kind and understanding doctor as good as told us that J was fine and just winding us up. We got two 3hr blocks of sleep during the night (okay, the morning actually).
Wednesday: we fed, we burped, we cuddled, etc and chalked up 8hrs of sleep (6hrs before the feed, 2hrs afterwards).
Thursday: we fed, we burped, we cuddled, etc. We seem to be learning more about his daily ups and down and are being a bit more systematic with the feeding routine, having been told that establishing a 3hr rota will help him to sleep longer through the night. Self-serving I know. So sue us! We also visited the medical centre again to have them check T's c-section wound, which has been rather painful in the last day. No infection, just inflammation because of a small overlap of skin in the suturing. Another 8hrs of sleep!
Friday: we fed, we burped, we cuddled, etc. K, our lovely midwife visited and was very happy with both T and J. His weight has dropped from 3.54 to 3.30kg, which is quite normal, but K predicts confidently that he will be back up to 3.5kg by the end of next week. We met M (his daughter) at school this afternoon and were swarmed by her classmates who no doubt had been regaled all week about how lovely her little brother is. We can't but agree.
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I missed this back in September - couldn't believe it...
So, all these years I've been spared baby showers AND baby blogs.
I can't believe people could be so self absorbed that they could possibly think that other people would be interested in this level of detail...
If its easier to use the computer rather than telephone - fine - but surely you'd only send this stuff to VERY interested parties - grandparents perhaps...
FeeBee - Are you still receiving this blog?
I'm afraid I'd be bored by the second life and reach for Delete shortly thereafter.
Sorry...wish them well and all that but I don't need to know how many times their baby burps every day.
I can understand their excitement but just seems a little over the top to me...
Perhaps, I could put one together on my fabulous cats...might be a bit repetitive...
Slept, stretched, yawned, stretched again, ate, slept on the window seat, stretched, yawned, outside for a stroll and the toilet, scratched the fence, chased a foreign cat out of the yard, sleep on the path in the sun, watched a bird..."its asking for trouble", sat on the fence, ate again, washed myself, back to the window seat...
What do you think?

i think it's way over the top! i mean do they think that people even those with kids want to hear every little detail!talk about selfish! it makes me laugh when some parents consider CF people selfish.i think parents like that are very selfish. i think you should do a counterblog detailing every aspect of your day!

indigo

Love it, Deborah!


And I'd love to see other examples from the many "parents" of the wide variety of species we've heard about in here -- rabbits, geese, dogs, Ingilbert's ferret-raccoon things (what are those??)...

My cat's day so far: "Slept in with Mom at the end of the bed, patiently waited for her to get up to feed me, nuzzled Mom and nibbled her arm, finally ate breakfast, got a drink of water out of the toilet, played peek-a-boo behind the door jamb while Mom got dressed, sat down in the living room and stared at the wall, walked over to the glass door for more stimulation, sharpened my non-claws on the edge of a box, went back to the window to look for birdies, contemplating a nice long nap on the back of the couch..."

Ferret-raccoon things...hee hee! Those are sugar-gliders, I think. I don't know much about them but a friend of mine has some.

Here's my dogs' day so far:

Woke up, went outside, pooped. Cody came back inside and went back to bed with Mom. Bentley went with Dad to his room and watch him work out while he gnawed on a rubber bone. Cookie kept guard on Mom in the bedroom while she slept a bit longer. Dad finished working out and made Cody and Bentley go through their obedience routine before breakfast was served (a delicious natural dry dog food). Cookie got her breakfast without having to do anything. Watched Mom and Dad get ready for work, then bid Mom goodbye as she left. (I don't know what happened after that because I went to work!)

Cindy

A guy my husband works with (late 40s I would guess) on the subject of children said as far as he was concerned you are put on this planet to do one thing.. I said to my husband "Well if that's right, he hasn't done very well, he only has 4 kids!". If your purpose is only this one thing, then shouldn't you just go out and try and get every woman you can pregnant? I found this rather a sad thing to say, I don't know much about this guys life, but I do know he is on plenty of anti-depressants, and that he and his wife separated for sometime. Maybe he should focus on more than just producing kids?

Angela - thanks for making me laugh out loud! I even called my husband to share with him ... "ferret-raccoon things". (He didn't find it as humorous as I did.)

Yes, they are sugar gliders. From Australia. Bred here by breeders. Sugar glider breeders, not people breeders. Well, they ARE people breeders, as they have three kids and two grandkids from their teenaged kids ...

Okay, got it. Sugar gliders. I thrive on learning new things, and I love to share, so please feel free to read the highlights on what I have learned about these forked-[censored] marsupials:

- The sugar glider (petaurus breviceps) is a member of the same order that includes kangaroos, opossums, wombats and Tasmanian devils.
- The females have pouches - how cute!
- In their natural habitat, they are tree-dwelling omniivores that are so named for their preference for sweet foods (like eucalyptus tree sap) and their ability to glide through the air like a flying squirrel (does this make your in-home dining experiences more challenging?)
- Their eyes are large and oriented on the sides of the head.
- They have a wide range of vocal capabilities, ranging from bird chirps to dog barks, but they have a distinctive "rattle" sound when disturbed called "crabbing."
- They bond well with humans and like to be handled. And they don't like to be alone...they can die from loneliness!