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Joined: Feb 2007
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Chaco Offline OP
Shark
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Shark
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 275
It is so nice to be among others who relate smile Thank you for responding and for understanding!

Feebeegeebee, congratulations on your awesome career. I would really love it if I got sent a blog about a friend's work. Most of the time I have no idea what is going on my my friends professionally, yet know all about the kids. I want to say "Tell me about YOU!!". I hope I don't get sent a blog like that...that is really terrible. Of course the blog will be completely dropped once the kid starts to create trouble. We will not hear about Little Bobby writing on the walls with crayons....or how he stole an item from a local store...I have been sent baby blogs. The most recent involved the DELIVERY of all things, which I did not want to hear about. It was blow by blow...and apparently mom was in pain. The blog notes how husband reminded mom about how they really wanted a natural child birth and that he talked her out of getting drugs to alleviate the pain. It just found that odd to e-mail to everyone....btw, I do think these things are related to my cycle too. I have definately discovered a pattern. I relate it to my body telling me, "you are in your thirties! you are running out of time! procreate! do it now, before it is too late!!"

Cindy, I have no idea about purchasing baby items. I just messed this up myself! Instead of going to the register for my brother's baby, I got a build a bear with a baseball uniform on it, representing the favorite team of my brother and I from our youth. I have not received a thank you note, e-mail, call...so my guess is that was a bad purchase? I understand about the jealousy regarding time off. I remember a few years back a friend got pregant and I thought, "wow, she will have three months out of this place!" I was incredibly envious. There seems to be no way to take three months off of work unless you have a baby. I would pledge loyalty to a company that would offer me a month off for my dream cross country road trip...or to walk the Pacific Coast trail...

lngilbert, I love your proposed CF blog and your "self serving" incorporation. I always want to do parody's of things like that. For example, my husband and I want to send out holiday newsletters discussing our cats. "Both cats have been venturing outside under our supervision. They love it! Briscoe typically stays close to the door. But not Z! He is quite the explorer! He chases butterflies, birds, you name it. His energy is exhausting...but you know young cats! The good news is that hopefully I will have some good advice when your SIL's kid comes. So far I know to avoid build a bear....:)

LastingOne, I agree with your comment about not making me feel like I am not whole for having a child. That was the thought I had in mind with my vision of all of those new moms looking at me that I mentioned above. I would love to give people the benefit of the doubt, but so few moms have been supportive of my feelings that it is hard to do so. If 95 percent of the people I met said, "hey CF, that's cool", than great. But it is the opposite. So I am cynical.

Ducky, it is so funny, we should not have to feel guilty. Why don't people feel guilty for NOT adopting a child that is here but having one of their own? It is frustrating that the "choice" has essentially been made for you...but you still have to deal with people thinking you should do more. And why do people think they know us better than we know ourselves? Your husband sounds like a great guy and the new doctor seems cool too.

Ahh, it is so good to vent smile

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Amoeba
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I definately understand where you're coming from. I'm happily engaged and working on my masters degree. At the age of 23 my family and friends are already asking me when I plan on having children.

My best friend is married with two small children, and can't imagine why I'm not anxious to start a family with my fiance. My mother doesn't see how I can imagine my life without children. I love children, I just don't want any of my own. Everyone keeps telling me I'll change my mind, but they're not making parenthood look so appealing. My family and friends complain to me about how tired they are and how expensive children are, then they look at me with disbelief when I tell them I don't plan on becoming a mother.

The reality is, most mothers I know became pregnant for the first time by accident. They assume I'm less nurturing beacuse I know how to properly use birth control.

Motherhood does not validate a woman.

Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 275
Chaco Offline OP
Shark
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Lady T that is so true! It does seem like most people I know got pregnant for the first time unintentionally!

Welcome to the board smile

Joined: Sep 2007
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Newbie
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I need a moment to vent please...hmmm does it ever end? Why is it that no matter what you accomplish as a childfree person there will still be that friend that thinks you're "less than whole" because you don't have children? That you will then wake up each day just waiting to read their boring family blogs about burps and feedings... like you can't think of something/ANYTHING more exciting to do with your time smile

My husband and have done the miscarriages and infertility thing... yes we were sad ~ it felt like the world came crashing down us. We instantly considered adoption but then God said, "Breathe for a moment" and so I/we did. After that bit of oxygen I started to realize I was conforming to the "dream of mommyhood", but that it wasn't for me. I love me, I love us and I'm crazy about our insane dogs ~ no children required thank you very much. We ARE complete. I've got nephews who are terrific and tons of fun ~ I'm not a kid hater. I just like giving the kids back after a while and then being free to do whatever I want ~ or for that matter doing nothing at all.

Eventually, I decided to work part-time (instead of the 60 + hours per week that I'd done in the past) and the mommies around me were like "what no children and you're at home ~ must be nice". Their snobbish behavior was sickening and so yet again I felt pushed aside from society. Either you have kids and get to be at home more often and have scheduling flexibility or you work yourself into an early grave ~ besides what else do you have to do with all of that free time of yours? I agree with the other posts that maybe if our careers were more accomodating like say...the 6 weeks off "maternity leave" to travel rather than for just popping out another kid, then maybe I wouldn't have started burning out in the first place! Why is that only people with children get these perks?



"Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right!" Henry Ford
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 998
Parakeet
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Parakeet
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Eventually, I decided to work part-time (instead of the 60 + hours per week that I'd done in the past) and the mommies around me were like "what no children and you're at home ~ must be nice". Their snobbish behavior was sickening and so yet again I felt pushed aside from society. Either you have kids and get to be at home more often and have scheduling flexibility or you work yourself into an early grave ~ besides what else do you have to do with all of that free time of yours?

I've been working part time for the last five years because the pain in my bad knee won't allow more. But for about the last 3, my limp has only been visible on really bad days or when I'm very tired. So most people have to be told why I don't work 50+ hour weeks like I used to. (People can't always see pain, so they assume it isn't there. They think it only hurts on the scattered few limping days.)

Conversations with coworkers have revealed that some people assumed I was on a part time schedule because I had kids at home. Geez, people! I'm only 26! (Not to mention the fact that if they knew anything about me beyond my work abilities, they would know the idea was laughable!)

I just want to prop my leg up, pet my cat, and enjoy the silence! How much restful sitting time would I get with a curtain climber in the house?


Happily Living The Childfree Life!
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 543
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Gecko
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Originally Posted By: lngilbert
Or how about a CF blog?

Tuesday: Woke up late. Walked around in nightgown for an hour. Went to TurboKick. Worked on freelance project. Went to library. Ate, read, played with the dogs. Leisurely weeded the garden. Read some more. Made pudding. Chatted on phone with friend. Self-serving, I know! So sue me. Made dinner, played with dogs, surfed internet. Will probably read and watch TV. May get daring and play a video game.


Ingilbert, I am snorting here!!!!!!!! This is a classic!

Joined: Sep 2007
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Newbie
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"Thursday: we fed, we burped, we cuddled, etc. We seem to be learning more about his daily ups and down and are being a bit more systematic with the feeding routine, having been told that establishing a 3hr rota will help him to sleep longer through the night. Self-serving I know. So sue us! We also visited the medical centre again to have them check T's c-section wound, which has been rather painful in the last day. No infection, just inflammation because of a small overlap of skin in the suturing. Another 8hrs of sleep!"

Do we really need to know about your skin inflammation on top of the dreadful bodily functions of the baby. Disgusting...I feel for you.

I love the idea of the CF blog, can you see the look on their faces when they read about you and DH having sex on the kitchen floor..sleeping until noon and staying out until 2am dancing at a club. Classic.



A dog is the only thing on this earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
--Josh Billings
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 709
Gecko
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Gecko
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 709
I, too, enjoyed Ingilbert's CF blog. I'll give it a stab:

Saturday: Slept in til 8:30. Indulged in making eggs, English muffin and bacon. Dashed to the tennis court to play with Mel, Jen and Tania. We seem to be learning more about mojitos and margaritas making for good combinations with quesadillas on the patio. Alas, no burping. My shower was interrupted by the boyfriend - self serving, I know - and a quick call for pizza made for the perfect movie-watching carpet party in the TV room. A tickle fight ensued followed by a couple of back rubs and drifting off into a peaceful dreamland. On the schedule for Sunday: More tennis, a pedicure, finishing my book with some Pinot Grigio.

Last edited by Angela P; 09/12/07 11:42 AM.

"Men and women think that it is necessary to have children. It is not. It is their animal nature and social custom, rather than reason, which makes them believe that this is a necessity." --Democritus
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 31
T
Newbie
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I love this!
Monday: Went to the gym for two hours. Came home and cuddled up inside due to the rain. Finished one book and started another. Went for a nice long walk with DH after running errands together. Made dinner together and enjoyed a bottle of blueberry wine. Played a heated game of Scrabble, made out and went to bed. Boring, but peaceful!

Joined: Apr 2007
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Gecko
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This will be my blog for Sunday :

"Awake from long peaceful sleep at 7:30. Cuddle with cats for a few minutes. Get up, have long relaxing shower, jump into car to pick up friend to hike. Stop for breakfast at Nellie's with hippies and artists - no children in sight. Long drive to Canmore through gorgeous scenery, enjoying invigorating conversation without any interruptions from back seat (dogs are very well behaved). Enjoy fabulous hike in the backcountry, taking in sounds of silence and wonderful fall tree colours - self serving, I know! Stop in Canmore for dinner and wine tasting at Quarry, before quiet drive home without regard for childrens bedtimes".

I'm sure I could manage to burp a few times if I drank some Coke...



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