BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Alpha Moms

Yes, people do suck! It's redeemed my faith in humanity to find this forum with intelligent, thoughtful people.



What is it with the fashion advice??? I really hadn't connected this to mothers, more just women in general. But I absolutely cannot stand it. I need some comebacks for that too! I swear, people have been watching too many reality fashion makeover tv shows or something. I seem to attract this kind of advice where women can't resist their desire to give me a makeover. It's so insulting. My hair is hard to manage enough, and I really don't appreciate other women who have no idea what it's like who think they could do a better job of it. Also, I mentioned earlier about the gray hair thing...Chaco, if you do this prepare for an onslaught of criticisms. If you're under 50, female, and let your hair go gray, you are not fit to be out in public according to EVERY WOMAN I KNOW. My husband likes it, but other women think it's appalling. I was against using dyes because they're toxic, but when I tell women that they do not accept it. My dad's girlfriend would lecture me about my hair every time she saw me. She did the same thing to her own daughter. Now her daughter is fighting cancer, and though it's probably not related to hair dye (though we'll never know), I can't help but want to say to her, "Uh, now does dying her hair seem important? Now that her hair's gone?"

I have curly hair, and some women seem to think this is unacceptable looking too, and that I should be straightening it. Then I blow dry it straight, and what happens? A whole other subset of women gives me the "Oh, curly hair is so wonderful, you should just let it be natural" blather. I wish I could just slap the entire female population all at once sometimes (with the exception of this forum).

Okay, well, I should probably be ranting about this in the fashion forum, so even though I could write a novel about this subject, I won't even get INTO the hair and makeup topics.



I have heard this many times too, especially from my mother, who continues to insist that ONE won't impact my life AT ALL, and would be soooooo eaaaasssssyy. Of course, once you have one you have all the people bugging you about how your depriving it of siblings, which I hear all the time too. I'll probably never know how bad that would be, since I'm probably going to have NONE.

My guess is these nimrods who CAN't WAIT for you to have a baby are just gnashing their teeth in excitement over your impending misery if you were to have one.

Thanks for sharing Athena...I really appreciate it!!

I do like curly hair. One of my bosses had curly hair and she hated it. I loved it. Personally, I don't care what people do to their hair, how they wear it, how they color it, or how they cut it, as long as they wash it!

See that's another thing people keep hassling me about!!

Just kidding

I had a co-worker today, basically say that my husband should leave me for not wanting kids.

She can't have any and now she and her husband are still entrenched in a battle to adopt one of her former students. It's been going on 3 years now. She said that if her husband didn't go along with her on this adoption she would have gone elsewhere.WTF? That's true love for ya!

It came up when another teacher(she's super cool about my position-she says that I'm being responsible by not caving if I don't want a kid) was talking about how after 4 months of trying...nothing. She has a stepson so even though she really wants a baby, she isn't willing to go to extremes. Then this other teacher starts telling HER "Oh if you are told there is even a chance you WILL do everything". O.K. Thanks for the update on her life...GOD!

I then tried to explain how raising our puppy has really clarified my position and at times the chaos with the dog, cats, life in general is enough for me to handle. Then I get this,"Well I have found that since I've gotten Steven the things that bothered me before, bother me no more, no less". Why do breeder/breeder wanabees always have to get in a last dig to make their stance more valid? STFU already! She wigs out if the kid gets too much homework or misses recess for acting stupid, so should I expect anything but mindless babble?

I hate it when it comes up. I instantly go into anxiety/attack/defensive mode. Maybe, I'll just say that if talking about babies gives me anxiety attacks, what would happen if I actually HAD one. Then excuse myself from the room.

Ingilbert, people really do SUCK!

I am really sorry people are treating you guys like this. I knew for a long time that I wanted a child and I have one daughter but I by no means assume that MY choices are right for everyone.

I respect people who not only know their own mind but go against so much societal pressure as you guys apparently have to deal with.

There was a time when I was first married that I was unhappy enough in the marriage but kept that from everyone. People thought we were happy and wanted to know when we were going to have kids, if I told them we had no plans at the time, they treated me like there was something terribly wrong with me.

This would put me over the edge. Just because they need something else for their relationship doesn't mean that you and your guy have to have a baby. And how good is that going to be for the relationship, if you sign on to do something you don't want to do for the rest of your life? Unreal. What an unhealthy and ridiculous approach to relationships. I guess some women can't relate to us b/c they are so desperate to keep their man that they will do anything. I could never have a baby just to keep a guy. I would lose him anyway, because we would fight constantly if I had to care for a baby.

Hi Frieda & and others who have decided not to dye their gray hair,

According to today's NY Times, letting your hair go gray is officially popular! Now when these busybodies bother you about your hair, you can refer them to this article about the growing numbers of women who have opted out of dying their hair.

Hmmm....the numbers of childfree women are rapidly increasing as well.

Could it be that gray-haired, childfree women are taking over? Oh my God! The world as we know it will cease to exist! No wonder your childed co-workers are giving you such a hard time. The world population might decrease! Hair salons will be closing right and left. Go, JUST GO NOW - have a baby & do something about your hair!

Could it be that gray-haired, childfree women are taking over? Oh my God! The world as we know it will cease to exist! No wonder your childed co-workers are giving you such a hard time. The world population might decrease! Hair salons will be closing right and left. Go, JUST GO NOW - have a baby & do something about your hair! \:\)

My wife has jet black hair -- but over the years, some of those hairs have turned grey as well, and she isn't doing one darned thing to stop it. It is really obvious on her. Guess what? I don't care! I love her just the same! So you can count her in on the "CF and grey-haired women brigade"

I had a co-worker today, basically say that my husband should leave me for not wanting kids.

Once again, feeding on the stereotype that all husbands marry just so that they can pass on their DNA. Guess what? Not everyone does! It is that 'breeder' mentality that assumes that all men want to be fathers and all women want to be mothers, especially when married. Sorry, Mrs. (or Ms, if she is a "single mom") Breeder, it doesn't happen that way!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.....

Greenblue, I wish I could give you a big hug right now. Thanks! You too Duane, and your wife!