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This might be a disorganized rant/vent post...be warned.

I'm REALLY sick of the superior attitude of mothers. The mothers I deal with at work seem to think they're in a power position over me constantly, even if they're in a lesser position, make less money, whatever. Does anyone else deal with this?

I think part of the problem is I look younger than I am. A few years ago I even started letting my hair go gray in an effort to look older because I was sick of being treated like a young squirt at work, but then these very same women were always bugging me about how bad it looked.

It might be that I feel frustrated by it because it hasn't been that long that I've known I'm CF. Before, at least I assumed that someday I'd be a mom, and there was a future point where the mothers of the world woudn't be able to use that to give themselves a sense of power over me. But now that I'm seriously considering never being a mom, it bothers me more because I know there's no end in sight to this annoying powerplay. I don't WANT to be a part of it, but I still end up feeling like these mothers are talking down to me, or trying to "mom" me. I appreciate it when people are caring toward me, but this feels different.

Maybe I'm oversensitive, but I just hate having people hold something over me that has no bearing on the work environment.

Honestly, I really don't like the changes that happen in women when they become mothers. Just because they have power over a 2 year old, they act like the whole world needs to bow down to them, even grownups. I'm glad I'm not going to undergo those changes myself, and I wish mothers would just get over themselves already.

I was thinking about this and wondering how the CF teachers here deal with it. I think those of you in that position must have developed either a thick skin about it, or a way to get beyond it, because you deal with so many more parents than most of the others of us. Either that or do they just have to give you more respect because you're more experienced with kids than them?

Rant over. Thanks. I feel better now.

Hi Frieda,

I've dealt with the condescending attitute for sure, but I can't think of a work situation where I had that. I did have a job once where I worked with almost all men, and they thought I should do their administrative work for them just b/c I was female. But that's a little different.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. They are probably jealous of you. I would be, if I had kids. I know what you mean, though, that you thought you would eventually become part of the club. And now you are leaning away from that choice. It does put things in a different light.

I can relate to the looking young thing b/c I went to college later, and was a few years older than the other students. And people treat you a certain way when they think you are young. But, I would try to cherish that, too, because I bet they are jealous that you look younger, too. I hope this helps? Hang in there...

I've dealt with the superior mom attitude at work, too.

It was my boss -- she's 4-5 years younger than me with two sons. Early in our relationship, she would have a condescending tone with me, and I nipped it right in the bud by telling her, "I'm an adult, Patty, and I won't tolerate being scolded like one of your children."

I used to get verbal darts thrown at me from younger women at work like, "Angela's the party girl," or "Angela hasn't settled down yet," or "Angela's still sowing her oats," -- all because I didn't push out a kid!

Over time, as they grew to learn it didn't bother me too much, but more as I could see jealousy grow when I'd tell them about my fun weekends and evenings, they eventually stopped instigating such sophomoric banter.

The women at work haven't teased me about having kids in about a month now. YAY!!

I've never seen that superior attitude at work, but I've seen it in other places. Mainly with my friends who are now parents. It's sad.

I hope things get better for you, frieda.

I know some of my childed and grand-childed coworkers are jealous of my free evenings. My husband has singing rehearsals a couple of times a week, so some of my evenings are all mine. Last week one coworker said in front of me "I wouldn't know what an evening to myself is like. That sure would be nice." Wow. I know I couldn't handle it if there were demands on me every night, with little or no time to myself!

Cindy

Thanks everyone.

One thing I didn't mention is it seems like it usually comes from parents of grown children. Or maybe it's just that most of the women I work with are at that point, and are now dealing with menopause.

I'm refraining from making a comment here about menopausal women, because that is another subject altogether, and I know I'll be there someday too (if all goes well). Well, okay, I'll say it since we're sort of anonymous here....if I act like half the menopausal women I know when I reach that point, I hope someone will just shoot me.

I really like your response Angela, and will try and remember that when someone speaks to me in a condescending tone because they think I haven't reached their higher plain of maturity since I don't have kids.

Frieda I completely relate to this. It drives me crazy. I also look very young and I find myself looking for ways to tell people how old I am so they will take me seriously. I sometimes feel that I will NEVER be taken seriously without having a kid. I will have to try the gray hair and see how that works

Boy OH BOY can I relate to THIS!!
I am a teacher but colleagues are worse than the parents of the kids in school for me. The worst I had from parents was "You don't know what it's like to have kids" (In other words, how HARD it is - because this parent was ALWAYS late and even the boss - who is a parent - did NOT like it! I wanted to say "I have enough of an idea to steer WELL clear of being one!" I KNOW it's HARD lady, THAT'S why I chose not to DO that!

But my colleagues are the ones who get on my nerves! Before I got married it was about my hair, my make up my clothes (and sometimes I still get that and it REALLY annoys me! Whose hair/make up/clothes is it ANYWAY. Plus some of the ones who said that didn't look so great themSELVES!)

And then when I got married it got WORSE! Actually, I hid my marriage from them as long as possible and if I'd known I was going to be bingoed, I would have continued to deny it!!!!

There's two main people at work who bingo me and they are SO annoying!! One of them has a pre teen son who was in a lot of trouble at school and I feel like saying: "Parenting's not always such a picnic, take YOUR son, for example." She likes to ask me WHY don't I want kids and although I have lots of reasons, I struggle to come up with something that doesn't sound like I'm putting down HER life choices!

The other one is the mother of three I work with. Sometimes I really like her and we get on well. But sometimes she gets on my nerves ESPECIALLY about the kids thing! It used to be stories about how bad it was then after telling me THAT she'd say "So when are YOU going to have kids?"

That turned to jealous barbs. Not very often. Like "People who don't have kids are selfish" (HOW ORIGINAL - NOT!) And who's going to look after you when you are old (Again, HOW ORIGINAL!) and then she said when she found out I was going to Las Vegas that I should be saving for a house INSTEAD! (a) like it's her effing business WHAT I do with the money I earn and (b) I can actually do BOTH and (c) Now I DO have a house in my home country, anyway, plus nice holidays! Then she said another colleague who she clashes with should be SO SKINNY because she does't have any kids!!

If I thought of it at the time I would have said some of us just have troubles with our weight. But then if we DO have kids, sometimes those struggles only get worse!!

So when my new colleague asked if I want kids in the future (she and mother of three are catholic) I said I don't know, we'll see even though I DO know.

Fortunately another colleague said to me "Best decision I ever made" (not to have kids!) but of COURSE SHE was told, "Oh but you're single." PUH-LEAZE!!!

And the most recent thing mother of three said to me was when I was talking about buying a house in the future, one bedroom or two depending on say if hubby and I wanted to run some business from home. She said "You should get a two bedroom at least cos if you have kids AND I HOPE YOU DO you will need more space."

WHY oh WHY do you HOPE I DO?? What's it to YOU?!

I used to look young for my age, not sure if I still do.

Another colleague said I should have "At least ONE." but a different person who'd just had her first said "Think about it CAREFULLY because once they're out there, you can't just put them back IN again."

And one parenet said "I can't WAIT until you have your own!" WHY can't you wait?!

And I also wonder if some people think because I have no kids I should automatically be a career woman instead. Uh no, like Wham used to sing "I take pleasure in my leisure I believe in joy!"

End of long rant!! Basically I'm SICK of being told by them how to live my life! It's MY life! They're living their own, so they should just butt out and let me live MINE! I'm sick of being told I should be more into fashion or have kids and what I should and shouldn't tell my parents! I'm nearly 34 for god's SAKE!

Interesting post. That's such a shame, that people are so annoying, and harrass people when they know they are married. I know exactly what you mean about struggling to say something that won't offend the parent. I have millions of reasons, too, but I don't necessarily feel like sharing them with parents. My childed cousins were asking me about my unchilded cousin recently. And I told them that she's like me, and doesn't want kids. And they said she gave them conflicting messages. Yeah, of course she did, because *they* have kids. I'm getting sick of walking on egg shells though.

I think of saying "Parenting just doesn't appeal to me," but that doesn't really sound right. Or maybe "It's just not me."

I've had someone tell me to "just have one" too. I totally forgot about that. I disagree. Your life is over whether you have one or three. They are saying that from the perspective of you not missing out on this life experience. But they don't get that we just aren't interested in that experience.

People suck.