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Post a photo of this cat please.

I will soon.

What is the difference between a cat and a comma?

One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.

Cats and Mice and Heaven

One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven. There he meets the Lord Himself. The Lord says to the cat, "You lived a good life and if there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let Me know."

The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor." The Lord stops the cat and says, "Say no more," and a wonderful fluffy pillow appears.

A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident and go to heaven. Again, there is the Lord there to great them with the same offer.

The mice answered, "All of our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs and even women with brooms. Running, running, running; we're tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so we don't have to run anymore?" The Lord says, "Say no more," and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates.

About a week later the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow. The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, "How are things since you got here?"

The cat stretches and yawns and replies, "It is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. And those 'Meals On Wheels' you've been sending by are the best!"

Here is one of my favorites if i can remember it...

A woman rushes to the veternarian clinic with her very limp pet cat.

"Doctor! Please! Is there anything you can do for him?"

The doctor examines the cat, listens for a pulse, and says, "No, i'm afraid not. I'm sorry to tell you this, but you have a dead cat."

The woman is very distraught. "That can't be! He was just alive and then suddenly he keeled over! I don't believe it! You must have made a mistake! PLEASE Doctor, do SOMETHING!"

The doctor tries to console her, but she's very distraught. He goes into the hall and calls his cat. A beautiful orange tabby comes in, jumps up on the examination table, and sniffs the limp cat. The tabby then looks up at the vet, shakes it's head, jumps down and walks out.

The vet then calls his dog, and a big hunting dog comes in, puts her paws on the table, sniffs the limp cat, shakes it's head sorrowfully, and then the dog walks out.

"Ma'am," says the vet, "I'm very sorry, but your cat is most definitely dead."

The woman, sniffling, goes to pay her bill. A moment later the vet hears her shout loudly "TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS!!!!!!!!!! ...BUT YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!!!!"

The doctor says calmly, "If you had believed me, the only charge would have been $30 for the office visit. But after the CAT-scan and the LAB report, i have to charge you more."

This doctor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This just in:

Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the Doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs.

A man finally invested in a hearing aid after becoming virtually deaf. It was one of those invisible hearing aids.

"Well, how do you like your new hearing aid?" asked his doctor.

"I like it great. I've heard sounds in the last few weeks that I didn't know existed."

"Well, how does your family like your hearing aid?"

"Oh, nobody in my family knows I have it yet. Am I having a great time! I've changed my will three times in the last two months."

WILL IT HURT MUCH, DOCTOR?

A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She replies, "Well, I'm a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?"

The doctor answered, "Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy and besides, it's difficult to describe pain."

"I know, but can't you give me some idea?" she asks.

"Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little..."

"Like this?"

"A little more..."

"Like this?"

"No. A little more..."

"Like this?"

"Yes. Does that hurt?"

"A little bit."

"Now stretch it over your head!"

The last one is great joke.

yes, i thought so, too.