I used to think being silly was somehow unevolved. But after living through some experiences where everything was deadly serious, i came to appreciate play and being silly, and even all the "unimportant" stuff in society as being very important indeed!
Play helps us to relieve stress, it helps us focus on the good parts of life, it helps us to bond with others over sharing good feelings, it brings us into the moment, it recharges our energy and so many wonderful things.
Have you played today? Have you told a joke? Have you been willing to be silly and risk letting others see you that way? Can you play with children like you are a child yourself?
Hollyelise,
Even if we remain serious all our life, we will die and go to dust.
Better have some fun and play like a child.
can we begin telling some jokes?
It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the high school intercom: "Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing."
Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: "Will the twelve hundred students who went to move 26 cars, return to class."
Class as in education, or class as in society class? I didn't see it as a society class joke, did you?
hahahah. It still works!
Regarding the other, no i was not trying to make another joke but was sincerely inquiring because i'm concerned i might have unintentionally offended das. I thought about it a long time after reading his comment, because his comment puzzled me. And i thought, India has had a very different history than America with social class structure, and whereas i don't see the students in the joke as coming from any particular social class... well i just hope this wasn't a case of a joke meaning something entirely different when read by someone from a different country.
I've had a joke backfire before when it crossed international borders, and don't want it to happen again, but sometimes i just don't know enough to avoid the risk. I told a sports joke a few years ago to a Scottish penpal of mine, and it used the word, "jock," which in America only means an athlete very focused on sports. The joke had nothing to do with nationalities. But I was completely oblivious to the fact that in the U.K., "jock" is an insulting term used to label Scots, and he was completely oblivious to the fact that here it means something completely different. Well the joke backfired so horribly, that my penpal wouldn't even talk to me for days and then was very curt! We eventually got the misunderstanding all straightened out, but man! That was painful!
In India any thing very good is called class.
Class as in school, or are you making another joke?
I have to admit play is a big part of my daily life, and I'm so glad you opened this thread, Holly.
My favorite joke is a silly one, and it works more as a visual than verbal, but here goes: A man is walking along a street with one foot up on the curb and the other foot in the gutter, which is making him move in a very off-balance way. A cop pulls up beside him and says, "Buddy, you're drunk." A look of relief crosses the man's face, and he says, "Oh, thank God. I thought I was crippled."
Every time I walk on a street that has a curb....
That was a great joke.
In India any thing very good is called class.
aaah, NOW i see!
One of my very favorite memories from HS was on a band trip... I had been very blue because my boyfriend dumped me. The drum major and I got on the elevator together, and we wound up getting totally goofed up as to which floors we were on (the guys had 1 1/2 floors and we had 1 1/2). Anyway we wound up playing "elevator tag" and getting about 15 other students involved. But I remember just giggling like crazy. (Of course I'm sure the adults weren't so tickled!) But I still think back to that very silly game and grin.
OK, now a joke...
THE MOMMY TEST
I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.
"Why?" my daughter asked.
"Because it's been laying outside, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied.
At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, 'Wow! How do you know all this stuff?"
"Uh," ....I was thinking quickly,"All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."
We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. "OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the daddy."
hahahhaha! Yep, that's right.
That again was a good joke harmony.
Haha harmony...
My kids love to tell the father this...
"You are the head of the family but Mom is the neck. And the head turns where the neck turns".
They always tell their father this when we get into little fights
(borrowed shamelessly from My Big Fat Greek Wedding).
The neck makes the head turn! lovely joke.
All right, i joke today based on biblical quotes, but i think everyone can get it regardless of their beliefs and doubt anyone will take offense, so here goes...
A pastor went out one Saturday to visit his church members. At one house, it was obvious that someone was home, but nobody came to the door even though the preacher knocked several times. Finally, the preacher took out his card, wrote out "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it, and stuck it in the door:
Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with me. - Revelation 3:20
The next day, the card turned up in the collection plate at the church. Below the preacher's message was written the following notation:
I heard your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself. - Genesis 3:10
Ha,ha,ha,haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I always found this funny as a kid... but no one else really did except my mom lol...
ask me if Im a tree.
Holly, that's wonderful! I'm passing that one on to my pastor.
I'm glad you liked it!
Poster: MadamPeachy
Subject: Re: Is play valuable?
Are you a tree?
____________________
No. Ask me if Im a boat.
(it's not as funny online lol....)
Are you a boat?
What are you then?
oh [censored] lol... it didnt work as well on here. I wasnt expecting that question LOL.
Its just supposed to go : Ask me if Im a tree, "are you a tree?" no. ask me if Im a boat. "are you a boat?" no. HJAHHAHAHHAHAHHA....
(its funny cuz they asked a silly question that obviously isnt true lol) oh man...
but it IS funny! and i really did get it, i was just being a stinker.
Okay, here's one for you:
What's big, red, and eats rocks?
a big red rock eater?! lol
YES!
Now what's big, red, and eats sand?
...a big red sand eater?! hehehe
Nope! A big, red, rock eater. You see, they eat sand, too.
ahhh hahhahaha
I heard this silly joke awhile ago..
What did the elephant say to the man?
..It's cute but can you really breathe out of it?!
hehehe
The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German,which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.
The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the language is disgraceful, and they should go away.
By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaiining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz year, ve vil hav a reali sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!
Here is a thought:
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was
and always will be yours. If it never returns, it was never
yours to begin with. If, however, it just sits in your living
room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your
telephone, takes your money, and never appears to have noticed
that you actually set it free in the first place, you either
married it or gave birth to it!
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate, Julie, was. Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate, and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and Julie than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you did take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you did not take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."
Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you do sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you do not sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom."
Lesson of the day... Don't Lie To Your Mother.
LOL!!!
that's hilarious!
Good one :P
A little girl in Natural History class is listening intently tot he teacher talking about the blue whale, and how it's the biggest mammal on the planet, but only eats tiny krill.... Suzie's little hand shoots up...
"A whale swallowed Jonah" she states.
The teacher tries to explain that actually, this is probably a fable, but even though the Bible says a whale swallowed Jonah, it's not physically possible, because a whale can't do that, the throat is too narrow...
The little girl insists, and the teahcer begins to get a little irate, even though she doesn't want to be seen to be either losing the argument, or her temper....
Finally, Suzie declares -
"Well, when I get to Heaven, I'll ask Jonah myself!"
The teacher snaps back,
"Fine! But maybe, if he was telling fibs, he went to Hell, so what then, huh?"
"well then," retorts Suzie,
"You can ask him."
Holly and Alexandra have both cheered me up.
Laughter IS the best medicine - the thing that drives the clouds from the human face.....! Glad it made you smile, friend!
Along the same lines, a little girl was asking her mother why there were a few grey hairs among her black tresses.
Mother replied:
That's because of all the worry you cause me when you're naughty.
Small child thinks for a moment, then says:
Now I know why Grandma's hair is white!
Out of the mouths of babes!!!!
Ann.
That was a lovely joke, Ann.
So, 3 pieces of string walked into a pub. The first one went to the bar tender and asked for a beer, the bar tender replied "Sorry I don't serve your kind here". The second piece of string decided to give it a shot, walked up to the bar and asked for a beer. Again, the bar tender replied "sorry I don't serve your kind here". Finally, the third piece of string decided to tie himself into a knot and fray his hair and walked up to the bar tender and said "3 beer please" The bar tender once again replied "I've already told you guys, I don't serve your kind here!!" The third piece of string said "what do you mean?!" The bar tender relpied "string... I don't serve string here..." The string then replied saying, "but I'm afraid not!"
hahahha... get it he was a frayed knot!!! LOL
Very good, Lala.
A scientist gets on a train to go to New York. His cabin also has a poor farmer in it. To pass the time the scientist decides to play a game with the guy.
"I will ask you a question and if you get it wrong, you have to pay me 1 dollar. Then you ask me a question, and if I get it wrong, you get 10 dollars. You ask me a question first." The farmer thinks for a while.
"I know. What has three legs, takes 10 hours to climb up a palm tree, and 10 seconds to get back down?"
The scientist is confused and thinks long and hard about the question. Finally, the train ride is coming to an end. As it pulls into the station, the scientist takes out 10 dollars and gives it to the farmer.
"I don't know. What has 3 legs, takes 10 hours to get up a palm tree and 10 seconds to get back down?"
The farmer takes the 10 dollars and puts it into his pocket. He then takes out 1 dollar and hands it to the scientist.
"I don't know."
Holly,
As a student of science I can use this joke to think and solve problems in lateral way.
This farmer knew that he could never win so he thought laterally and caught the scientist unaware.
Already my mind is thinking of ideas about how one can solve problems thus.
The scientist made an assumption-
all questions asked will have an answer.
But he did not tell about this assumption to the farmer.
So the farmer ignored the assumption and won.
It doesn't say what caused the accident though, because statistics show that in accidents where women have a collision with a male driver, in the majority of cases it was the man's fault. Insurance company statistics bear this out, which is why there are 3 Motor insurance Companies in the UK who deal exclusively with women drivers, and the premiums are lower.
Just as well I didn't listen, isn't it?
What kinds of games do you play?
I just ran around the house with my cat. We play a game... he hides and reaches for my legs with his paws when i pass by. I run away (lots of fake stomping), he chases me but i get a head start and go around a corner and stop and then when he comes around the corner i jump out and go "BOO!" He leaps in the air and runs away and i chase him... hahaha. That's one game.
I should be "too old" to run around the house like that, but it's good for both the cat and me!
That is a blessing you have.
You are blessed.
You're not getting out of it that easy! Games come in all types. Some people do crosswords. Some like to kindly tease others. Some like to challenge themselves. What game will you play?
I like to challenge myself.
Holly, you are also welcome to challenge me with intelligent posts and criticize me if I answer wrongly.
Let us play that game.
Are you game?
Why do you have to be right?
What if i say you're wrong, but i'm the one who's wrong about your being wrong? What then???
Or what if i just say you're wrong once in a while, even when i
know you're right, just to be a stinker?
what then?
That is part of the the game.
Let's play.
I see- we have already begun.
What an intelligent post you made!
Holly - what is your IQ?
Are you joking?
I think that you have highest IQ on this forum. My word.
Flattering, but i doubt it. What does it matter anyway?
It matters. It matters a lot.
If someone tells me that, i would throw a party.
Have you ever seen the board game called Othello? This section of the forum reminds me of it. In Othello you have a board of 64 squares, and there are 64 pieces that are black on one side and white on the other. One player is white, the other black. On your turn you play your color to "flip" the most pieces that show your opponent's color, to your own color. I come online, and i see cdmohatta's name on the posts, or Alexandra's, or anyone's, and i start to "flip" as many posts as i can in the time i have... then someone comes in soon after me and does the same! We didn't mean it as a game... this just sort of happened.
I love othello!!! I used to play it all the time with my dad when I was a kid!
It matters. It matters a lot.
If someone tells me that, i would throw a party.
how do you know you don't have the highest IQ here, cd? Maybe you do.
intelligence is a great gift, and you have an abundance of it! Celebrate that.
And celebrate other great qualities you have: you are kind and you are a very creative thinker... and both of those qualities i think are more valuable than whether you can find the next shape in a sequence or the other things they measure on IQ tests!
Einstein was considered a dunce all his early life... and even sometimes believed to be retarded. He failed many courses. It's a good thing for us that he didn't let it stop him from thinking his own thoughts and speaking from his own sense of truth.
People are complex. We can't sum up their value by I.Q. or personality tests. All i know is that i've learned more from you than the vast majority of people i meet, and i continue to learn. You have helped me a great deal by having a special combination of intelligence and kindness, and by speaking your truth and being genuine.
I think you should have a party for being you.
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.
You mean to say that i should have a party for being myself.
Not because I am the most intelligent person around here?
What if I propose your name for the Chair of the genius club?
Will your opinion change about this party business?
I hoped it was a joke, but i guess it wasn't funny... !
You might have the highest IQ here, i think it more likely you do than me,
How do I explain how i feel about this... hmmm....?
I live in a college town... not just any, but a prestigeous one... lots of unusually smart people here. My dad was a professor. He has 5 higher learning degrees. My mom had a great education too, and they met at university. My brother and sister both went on to graduate school and graduated at the top of their classes. I'm more the "leftover child." I'm smart, but not that smart.
I like being around intelligent people. There are more ideas, of greater variety. There are the arts, and lots of new things and growth and invention. But over time i learned to put IQ and degrees in their proper place. They do not guarantee a person is whole, kind, successful or wise. My brother is the most smart of all of us, but i wonder sometimes... if he's so smart, why is he on wife number three because the first two would not stay with him, and why is he not even living with wife number three full time? Why won't he ever try to know his sister?
When real life's challenges are mostly about picturing little boxes on their sides and matching them... that's when i'll start to care more about IQ. It's not that it means nothing... it's just that it's only a little part of what makes a good human being. You have a great blend of high intelligence, knowledge, creativity, kindness, wisdom, and practical sense. IQ does not measure kindness, wisdom, creativity, or practical sense, and very little knowledge. My brother has "book smarts," his IQ in the range where they can't even accurately measure. He's even very creative, too. But he's also selfish, judgmental, and unwise. What you have, regardless of whether your IQ is off the charts or only fairly high, is still far more valuable in life and to others than his because of the whole person you are. What good is being smart, if you have no soul to apply it to good use?
Perhaps this is a game (who chairs... who is smartest)... but i don't wish to compete.
That is a good post.
Heard of EQ?
But all these do not help unless we become happy and live a fulfilled life.
EQ is Emotional Quotient, yes? Someone wrote a book about it... i have not read it. Have you?
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I have read a lot about all this. These tests make us think. That is good.
I think it's good sometimes to laugh in the face of problems... so i just Googled "jokes sleep" and found this one (now why didn't i think of that?):
Eddy went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. "You gotta help me, I'm going crazy!"
"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."
"How much do you charge?"
"A hundred dollars per visit."
"I'll sleep on it," said Eddy.
Six months later the doctor met Eddy on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.
"For a hundred buck's a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars."
"Is that so! How?"
"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"
A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.
As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home.
Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!
He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.
Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Ann, is the cat there?"
"Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?"
Frustrated, the man answered, "Put him on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!"
Holly, this was a lovely joke. can you imagine the expressions of this man?
You mean to say that man laughed?
I don't know, but i hope he did!
Three lawyers and three engineers were traveling by train to the same meeting. At the station, the lawyers each buy a ticket but the engineers buy just one. When asked why, the engineers coyly said "You'll see."
They all board the train, the lawyers taking seats, but the three engineers all crowding into the bathroom. After the train has left, the conductor comes around and takes the lawyers tickets and knocks on the bathroom door and says, "Ticket please." An arm stretches out from the bathroom and the
conductor takes the proffered ticket. The lawyers were very impressed.
On the return trip, the lawyers proposed to emulate the engineers and bought only one ticket. To their amazement, the engineers bought no ticket at all. When asked, the engineers said, "You'll see."
All board the train and the lawyers and engineers cram into separate bathrooms to await the conductor. After a few minutes,
one of the engineers emerges from the bathroom, goes over to the lawyers' bathroom, knocks on the door and says: "Ticket
please."
I used to think being silly was somehow unevolved. But after living through some experiences where everything was deadly serious, i came to appreciate play and being silly, and even all the "unimportant" stuff in society as being very important indeed!
Play helps us to relieve stress, it helps us focus on the good parts of life, it helps us to bond with others over sharing good feelings, it brings us into the moment, it recharges our energy and so many wonderful things.
Have you played today? Have you told a joke? Have you been willing to be silly and risk letting others see you that way? Can you play with children like you are a child yourself?
I watched a comedy today.
That's good.
I have been playing with my cat. I had a acquaintance who took in a rescue dog who had been mistreated. I learned a lot from one off-hand remark she made. She said, "I'm trying to teach this dog a sense of humor."
I'd never realized before that like humans, some pets have a good sense of humor and others do not. And a sense of humor can, indeed, be taught, and help both humans and animals to be more confident and secure.
My cat is also a rescue animal, and either he did not have a sense of humor when i got him, or we didn't understand eachothers' senses of humor. Together we've been coming up with more games we can play. For instance now he understands that when i act "threatening" in certain ways that it is a good game and he's not afraid and it has helped to build trust and his security. I'll use my "big voice" and wave my arms or stomp and he knows it's time for play!
He likes confrontational games, so this lets him be a wild tiger without being truly aggressive. He's learned that i won't ever hurt him, and he is gradually learning to be gentle and not bite hard.
Post a photo of this cat please.
I will soon.
What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.
Cats and Mice and Heaven
One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven. There he meets the Lord Himself. The Lord says to the cat, "You lived a good life and if there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let Me know."
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor." The Lord stops the cat and says, "Say no more," and a wonderful fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident and go to heaven. Again, there is the Lord there to great them with the same offer.
The mice answered, "All of our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs and even women with brooms. Running, running, running; we're tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so we don't have to run anymore?" The Lord says, "Say no more," and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates.
About a week later the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow. The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, "How are things since you got here?"
The cat stretches and yawns and replies, "It is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. And those 'Meals On Wheels' you've been sending by are the best!"
Here is one of my favorites if i can remember it...
A woman rushes to the veternarian clinic with her very limp pet cat.
"Doctor! Please! Is there anything you can do for him?"
The doctor examines the cat, listens for a pulse, and says, "No, i'm afraid not. I'm sorry to tell you this, but you have a dead cat."
The woman is very distraught. "That can't be! He was just alive and then suddenly he keeled over! I don't believe it! You must have made a mistake! PLEASE Doctor, do SOMETHING!"
The doctor tries to console her, but she's very distraught. He goes into the hall and calls his cat. A beautiful orange tabby comes in, jumps up on the examination table, and sniffs the limp cat. The tabby then looks up at the vet, shakes it's head, jumps down and walks out.
The vet then calls his dog, and a big hunting dog comes in, puts her paws on the table, sniffs the limp cat, shakes it's head sorrowfully, and then the dog walks out.
"Ma'am," says the vet, "I'm very sorry, but your cat is most definitely dead."
The woman, sniffling, goes to pay her bill. A moment later the vet hears her shout loudly "TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS!!!!!!!!!! ...BUT YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!!!!"
The doctor says calmly, "If you had believed me, the only charge would have been $30 for the office visit. But after the CAT-scan and the LAB report, i have to charge you more."
This doctor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This just in:
Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the Doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs.
A man finally invested in a hearing aid after becoming virtually deaf. It was one of those invisible hearing aids.
"Well, how do you like your new hearing aid?" asked his doctor.
"I like it great. I've heard sounds in the last few weeks that I didn't know existed."
"Well, how does your family like your hearing aid?"
"Oh, nobody in my family knows I have it yet. Am I having a great time! I've changed my will three times in the last two months."
WILL IT HURT MUCH, DOCTOR?
A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She replies, "Well, I'm a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?"
The doctor answered, "Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy and besides, it's difficult to describe pain."
"I know, but can't you give me some idea?" she asks.
"Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little..."
"Like this?"
"A little more..."
"Like this?"
"No. A little more..."
"Like this?"
"Yes. Does that hurt?"
"A little bit."
"Now stretch it over your head!"
The last one is great joke.
yes, i thought so, too.
It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the high school intercom: "Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing."
Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: "Will the twelve hundred students who went to move 26 cars, return to class."
Here is a dirty joke-
Q: Did you hear the slogan for the the new
�Stealth Condom?�
A: �They�ll never see you coming.�
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Holly, you say that one should not bother if one sounds silly.
I find that most of, rather all the members here talk as if they never heard of sex. Where as that is a very essential to life. I find teens express themselves very openly on their forums.
Why can we not do that?
In India we have Khajuraho temples. but most Indians are big hypocrites and never talk of sex.
I do not know how the mod is going to take this, but Barbara is very open.
Here is one more-
Q: What
does pizza delivery man and a
gynecologist have in common?
A: Both can smell it but can�t eat it.
Be not affronted at a joke. If one throw salt at thee, thou wilt receive no harm, unless thou art raw.
- Lavater, Johann Kaspar
Good humor is the health of the soul, sadness is its poison.
- Chesterfield, Lord
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What happened to the tiger who took a bath three
times a day ?
After a week he was spotless !
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hahhaha. Should that be leopard?
You know when we first started telling jokes, i was hard pressed to think of any that didn't involve sex or swearing or both.
There was a Scot who came to the U.S.A., and his new friends thought they'd introduce him to a little American culture. So they took him to our "all american sport," ---to see a baseball game!
They're in the stands and the batter of their team hits the ball and it's a great shot into left field, and the whole crowd stands up and starts yelling, "RUN!!, RUUUUUUUUN!!!!, RUUUUUUUUUN!" Well, the Scot is very interested and the batter makes it to first base and everyone sits down again.
Another guy comes up to bat, hits the ball, it's a beautiful shot into center field, and the crowd stands up and yells, "RUN!!, RUUUUUUUUN!!!!, RUUUUUUUUUN!" And the Scot stands up with them and yells in his Scottish accent, "R-RUN, YA BASTARD! RRRRUUUN!, RRRRUUUUUUNNNNN!!!" And the batter makes it to first base and the crowd sits down and the Scot sits down very happy and pleased. He likes this American sport.
The next batter comes up to bat. The pitcher pitches outside of the box... a ball. He throws again, narrowly missing the batter himself... ball 2! The pitcher pitches 2 more balls, and the batter walks to first base.
The Scot jumps up and yells, "R-RUN, YA BASTARD! RRRRUUUN!, RRRRUUUUUUNNNNN YA WEE MAN!!!!!!" And the crowd is still sitting around him and titters. The Scot, very much embarrassed, sits down. One of the fans leans toward him in sympathy and explains, "He has four balls, so he gets to walk."
The Scot, very excited, jumps up again and yells at the batter,
"WALK WITH PPPPRRRRRIDE, MAN!"
correct.
In baseball, the pitcher tries to throw a ball that the batter on the other team can't hit. To prevent the pitcher from throwing it anywhere, there is a defined area close to the batter where he has to throw it. The umpire is the referree who determines if the pitcher has thrown into this desinated area. If the pitcher instead throws out of the area, or hits the batter, then the pitch is declared, "a ball." If the pitcher does four of these balls on one batter, then the batter automatically gets to take first base. (This discourages the batter from doing too many balls.) Because the batter gets the base guaranteed to him at four balls, he walks, rather than runs.
I thought that the scot understood something else by four balls.
Yes, that, too, Manjari. Korrect again!
Holly,
Q: How do you embarrass an archeologist?
A:
Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
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hahaha.
Old college presidents never die...
they just lose their faculties.
Musicians never die,
they just decompose.
A couple were indulged in sexual intercourse and the man noticed that with each movement of his pelvis, his partner's toes would rise.
Later that night, while going at it pretty hot and heavy in the shower, her toes remained still. Confused, he asked, "Why is it that when we do it in bed, your toes go up, but when we do it in the shower, they don't?"
"Silly," she replied, "I take my pantyhose off in the shower!"
To men dicussing how tight [censored] cold their wives had been to them about giving sex. The first fellow says "My wife's so cold I can put a glass of water in bed with her and the next morning its turned to ice." The second fellow says "Hell, every time my old lady spreads her legs the furnace kicks in!"
The doc told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act. The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it,"He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate.
He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?" He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?" The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted." Came the reply, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
oooooooooooooooohhhhhh!!!!
One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President George W. Bush."
The Marine replied, "Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer President and doesn't reside here." The old man said, "Okay," and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President George W. Bush".
The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer President and doesn't reside here." The man thanked him and again walked away . . .
The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President George W. Bush."
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you already several times that Mr. Bush is not the President anymore and doesn't reside here. Don't you understand?"
The old man answered, "Oh, I understand you fine, I just love hearing your answer!" The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow"
Without my imagination I would of died before reaching my twenties. I will be forty years old this year and I still am excited like a child when I see SpongeBob, the Minions and Elmo (not since the man with his real voice disappeared thanks to liars and people believing it). I also love to play games, color and do things like that. Plus I have my four musketeers always near and they are Ti-Pit (teddy bear), Gagou (cabbage patch doll - 1 of the rare thin ones), Coin Coin (a stuffed duck) and Elmo (got him in a shopping mall about 10 years later - he is about 10 inch tall and naked); I also had close to two-hundred different ones that I lost in a fire. Most people think it's all childish and even some go as far as thinking only mentally challenged or mentally ill people do that when they are adults and I do not care!
Is play valuable? Very much so. Children learn through play and research has shown that adults learn faster through play too.
I guess that's why it was introduced into the business world as team-days, days-out, etc., with some companies going as far as allocating time every week for their employees to just 'do their own thing' at work.
I wonder what 'play' people would like to be allowed to do at work?
I do not agree with play at work unless it is part of your work. I for sure would hate to pay for someone to do anything but work. For those lucky to have a job you get some breaks while at work so just do whatever during these breaks and then do your work. It's not like we are slaves when we do have a job, we get to go back home after the hours of work so relax and have fun then. It's like the people who asks for paid time off just because they have kids, you decided to have kids it's your job to take care of them not anyone else.
Play is important not only for humans but for others across the animal kingdom. Young (and older) animals learn through play. Play allows them to develop new skills, to learn about their environment and to pick up numerous attributes including communication, bonding, respect, etc. It is such a pity when people lose the desire to play in their daily life or even forget how to do it. Do you have any tips for keeping playful no matter your age?