MomsPaula, my best friend is adopted and has NEVER said that she has ever felt that she was ever abandoned by her natural mother because she was adopted. She was always very proud to be adopted and has known since early childhood that she was adopted. She feels that she was "hand picked" by her parents . She feels blessed!
I really don't think adopted children feel/live with an enormous sense of abandonment. I think it is MUCH worse to grow up in a home where you are not sure that you are really wanted or loved. Listening to a parent scream all the time or use verbal abuse against you or simply ignoring you leaves many more scares than growing up in a loving home with adopted parents. Telling a child that they wish they were never born, they were a "mistake", and how much of life they had to give up because they brought the child into the world, are ALL much worse for a child's development than growing up in an loving adoptive home where they NEVER have to experience any of that other negativity(garbage) they would experience in a home with "birth right" parents.
Adoptive parents have so much to give: love, time, energy, experience, education, and a environment to thrive. They have generous, caring and loving hearts that would AND COULD be so much better for a child than growing up with a parent who is just not sure IF, after a few years, they are not really sure they want or even LIKE the child.
Jenny, if you and your husband can't mix up the "fun stuff" of raising a child, like iwonder suggested, or change your priorites like Cela had recommended, or change your attitudes like MomsPaula has suggested, or have even thought of the way you care for your daughter and thought about whether or not it was something you planned and are happy with, like RNS had asked you, THEN I would have to agree with RNS. I think that you would be doing the right thing by finding someone who would truly LOVE your daughter the way she deserves to be loved. I think ALL OF YOU, your daughter, you and your husband would ALL be much happier and much healthier!
I add my best wishes and good luck to you and your husband. I add my hope, with the others, that you can come to some kind of decision before your daughter gets much older and understands how you feel about having her. If you really choose to keep, love and care for her, then you need to listen to what MomsPaula said: "We are humans with the ability to feel joy, pain, and boredom. Attitude equals altitude. Great women who rise from adversity, suck it up and make it work for them. A child who has a mom who can do that, is getting a great gift from her. "
As I iwonder said, "Good luck, and for you and your daughter please do something to benefit both of you in a positive way."
Please keep us posted.
We are here to help you find ALL THE POSITIVE things to do to be THE BEST MOTHER THAT YOU CAN BE,
if YOU choose to do that!
God bless you, Jenny.